R2OK!

Lord Evan Elpuss · Joined: 10 Dec 2006 Posts: 3417 Location: Cloud Cuckoo Land

TIRED OF RECEIVING MALE BASHING JOKES?
THEN STRIKE BACK!

1. How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

2. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up women?

Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

3. Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

4. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me."

5. How do you fix a woman's watch?

You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

6. Why do men fart more than women?

Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

7. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, whom do you let in first?

The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

8. What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.

9. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was "Always."

10. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her.

11. What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.

12. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It is called Wedding Cake.

13. Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.

14. Our last fight was my fault; My wife asked me, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"

15. Why do men die before their wives? They want to.

16. Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"

Dad: "That happens in every country, son."

17. A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds: Wife Wanted." The next day he received a
Hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

18. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

19. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

20. Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don't?

Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go the refrigerator.

21. Why do brides wear white?
Men like their dishwasher to match the fridge and range.

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Lord Evan Elpuss, Your ideal job is a Lumberjack.

Natasha · Little Miss Lovely Smile Joined: 09 Dec 2006 Posts: 790

'How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven'

Erm - What's an oven? Embarassed

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Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Toggy tea slurper · Guest

Why are married women fatter than single women?

Because single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge. Very Happy

Julia · Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2007 11:12 am Post subject:

Elpuss! You should be striped of your knighthood!
Razz

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I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

Barkingbiker · Joined: 11 Dec 2006 Posts: 2313 Location: Lincolnshire

No he should be awarded the order of the garter! Laughing

BB

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Old Bikers Never Die, our leathers just get tighter!

Behind Geddon's Wall · Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2007 8:05 pm Post subject:

A blow well struck!
_________________
Geddon

You simply mustn't blame yourself -- the days were perfect
And so were exactly what I was born to spoil
For I am the Rider to the World's End
Bound across the cinder causeway
From the furnace to the quarry
Through the fields of oil

Julia · Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2007 10:46 am Post subject:

'a blow well struck'
lier Razz

everyone knows men are the laziest creatures on this planet Wink

_________________
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

Barkingbiker · Joined: 11 Dec 2006 Posts: 2313 Location: Lincolnshire

Julia · Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2007 11:58 am Post subject:

huh?
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I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

Cherskiy · Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2007 3:20 pm Post subject:

I can't afford to be lazy - if I didn't do the chores, they wouldn't get done at all, since there's no-one else here to do them! Sad

(Plus if I couldn't cook, I'd starve to death, or would have to resort to carry-outs - bleh!)
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Author: “To the Ends of the Earth: A Snapshot of Aviation in North-Eastern Siberia, Summer 1992”
(Free to read via Kindle Unlimited)

Behind Geddon's Wall · Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2007 9:23 pm Post subject:

Julia,
This 'lazy creature' has today:
Prepared 3 meals for us both
washed the car
cut the grass
watered the plants
made umpteen cups of tea/coffee etc
repaired Mrs G's footstool
Today is the only day this week that Mrs G did not have breakfast in bed.

Shopping for food tomorrow, plus finishing off the kitchen.

Back to work on Tuesday for a rest.
_________________
Geddon

You simply mustn't blame yourself -- the days were perfect
And so were exactly what I was born to spoil
For I am the Rider to the World's End
Bound across the cinder causeway
From the furnace to the quarry
Through the fields of oil

Natasha · Little Miss Lovely Smile Joined: 09 Dec 2006 Posts: 790

I like to wear mink
I like to wear pearls
But please do not think
I'm one of those girls
For tho I like expensive toys
I tell the world
I don't like boys
I wanna have fun
To be a big noise
To love everyone
Except of course boys.....
I don't like boys
I'll say it again
Well what do I like?
Well I like men!!!!

Yeee Haaaa Laughing

_________________
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Barkingbiker · Joined: 11 Dec 2006 Posts: 2313 Location: Lincolnshire