R2OK!

Rachel · Guest

Ok folks this is the one nobody has been waiting for . A futuristic, serialised story about a young ( aged 49), keen to impress, new kid on the block, hard working, Radio 2 DJ called, Zac VonVolstock and his day to day life between his early morning shows. Set in the year 2157; focusing on his off-air antics, his contract dealings with the recently appointed Robot Controller - the R2 I-con, his alleged girlfriend Freda, and his complete frustration at the way things have gone in the Broadcasting World. Zac's only respite from the daily-grind of 24 hour contract renewals, manoeuvring around the amorous advances of the insatiable Traffic Goddess and coming up with a show for the next day- entertaining enough to keep him out of the Kennedy Institute, for at least a few more hours, is a chat with his DJ pals, in an illegal, small, back street, 1990s retro-pub, located in a long since forgotten, dark corner of the old abandoned Birmingham Bull Ring Human Experience Centre. *

Disclaimer

*None of the people or places in this feature are based on real people or places, any similarity or connection with reality is purely accidental Smile

Watch this space for Episode 1 (Wax-off ) later today.

I'm aiming to do one episode a week.

Feel free to comment, criticise , laugh even, and/or PM me with ideas of what should happen to Zac next.........

Rachel · Guest

Episode 1 - ..........and Wax-off

Zac closed the mic at 05:59:59 just moments before the usual bomb-burst from the studio: the headlines had barely started before there was nothing other than the chairs, still spinning, to suggest anything had gone on in his studio in the past three hours. Zac was in a hurry: big style; later that afternoon he was to meet the new Controller for the first time and needed some advice before making the trip. Slipping out the back door to avoid the Traffic Goddess, Zac left his Waitaway glowbike in the Solar Recharge Area and made his way across the rubble to his favourite drinking etablishment.

The Illicit Still was an illegal underground retro-pub themed on the 1990s; an exact replica of an actual 90s pub with authentic 90s food and drink; reputed to be the only place on earth where a chap could buy a traditional pint of babycham and sit at a Poole table with his legs apart, while eating mechanically recovered meat with a plastic fork, in a smoke filled room. This was the stuff Zac was born for. How he envied those who had lived in the 1990s.

In his usual seat in the corner by the painted window was Henry, hair-free and glowing; sipping on a pint of mulled wine. It was Henry who Zac had ran to catch. With a Pint of Babycham and half a mulled wine, Zac sat down with Henry. Sooo, said Henry in his native tongue ( Sounding Scottish was outlawed by the European Parliament in the early 2010s after a disastrous period in office as EU President by one Gordon Bennett but small pockets of the ancient dialect were being kept alive, handed down from one generation of the Bruce clan to the next in places like the Illicit Still) whit caan a dee for yee? Oh I have the Controller this afternoon at three, Zac said, any advice would be helpful? I've heard she can be ruthless, said Zac. Have ya been waaxed? said Henry. Waxed! said Zac .. ayeeeeee..lad waaxed, said Henry. Yea'll come to nay harem as long as yer waaxed. Zac was proud of his body hair , it had taken all of his life to grow it, waxing was expensive and he'd heard that waxing hurt - a lot. Tis the only advice I can give yea laad .. get yourself waaxed!

Zac downed his pint and headed off to a little Beauty Salon he used to deliver gossip magazines to, in Solihull. Not being one known for parting with his hard earned cash unnecessarily, Zac remembered a Movievert he'd seen recently. Save Zillions with the Ronco DIY Microwave Waxing kit! That's it, thought Zac, I'll do it myself , how hard can it be? Zac changed direction and headed for the indoor market where all the best, They Make it We Fake it You Take it Stores are.

Arriving home with his kit, Zac greeted Freda in his usual way, she just smiled and gazed at him with admiration as ever. Zac set about reading the instructions for his new waxing kit. Oh no! They're in Chinese! Oh how hard can it be? Ok that bit there and that bit here and push and click .. there done it! Hmmm so the wax goes in the Microwave , spread the warm wax on with this, let it cool , then take it off ... easy.

Ping went the Microwave. Zac thought it would be best to practice first on the parts nobody would see, and being keen to finish quickly, he applied copious amounts of bubbling hot wax all over his nether regions, to do the entire area in one go. Zac looked over to Freda and said , I don't suppose you want to pull this off for me?, Freda just smiled and gazed with admiration. Didn't think so, said Zac. Useless Fridge Magnet! ( Fridge Magnet is a modern day derogatory term for unhelpful women)

Ding Dong! The doorbell rang. Zac jumped to his feet to answer the door but before he'd taken a single step, heard a ripping sound and felt pain like he'd never felt before. As Zac passed out in agony, Freda just smiled and gazed with admiration...........

15:00Hrs Broadcasting House- Level 1750 - Zone 7 Office 88291 Desk A- R2 I-Con

Bizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt! Bizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt! Bizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt!

He's not here ma'am....

Well, Biomasstransmit him to me now!

But ma'am he's ....he's...

I don't care what he's... I want him on my desk and plugged in, ready to go, in 2 minutes.......

To be continued....

Episode 2 ..... < next week- maybe sooner if work doesn't get in the way>

Zac finally meets the controller and is caught in the corridor by the Traffic Goddess on the way out.

Cherskiy · Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2007 5:57 pm Post subject:

Well, you could certainly give some SF writers I have read over the years a run for their money! Laughing

As I've stated before, Rachel, you're wasted doing what you do at the moment! Smile

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Author: “To the Ends of the Earth: A Snapshot of Aviation in North-Eastern Siberia, Summer 1992”
(Free to read via Kindle Unlimited)

PJ in Kent · Joined: 11 Dec 2006 Posts: 1102 Location: Go on, guess!

Excellent as ever Rachel Laughing

The inside of your mind must be a vivid kaleidoscope of strange, wandering images Wink

AS,
PJ
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He's not the Messiah- he's a very naughty boy!

Rachel · Guest

Episode 2.. Breakfast or bust….

Standby to receive Biomass!….

3…….2……..1…… Transfer in progress…. Heat cycle on…………..reception complete……

Biomasstransmission was usually reserved for sending organic waste to uninhabited planets and was thought of as a big slap on the wrist, if it were ever used to transfer live matter, here on Earth. But on this occasion, although being chastised for his tardiness, the biomass transfer had saved Zac’s bacon. The transfer generated huge amounts of heat and left the transferred mass covered in a warm sticky gloop………..so all traces of the waxing incident had been removed during the transfer…………. Well: almost……

Bizzzzzzzzzzzzzzt!

Yes!

Zac VonVolstock to see you ma’am

Well show him in!…. oh, and can you take this pronunciation guide down to the afternoon show studio… we’ve had another complaint!

The I-Con was at her desk sorting the afternoon mail……..

Complaint, bin…complaint … bin, complaint… bin… oh look another complaint ….. bin. … who’d be a Station controller? … complaint.. bin, complaint… bin……….
Bizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt!

Yes ma’am

Can you send hygiene up to empty my bin…. Thank you….Oh and no more complaints today please.

… oooh a praise ….. let’s put that in the staff newsletter………..

Zac, stood there dripping gloop all over the I-Con’s office floor, wondering why he was there.

The I-Con, a one-off prototype C7000 Managerial Robot Droid, in Generic Human configuration (female) , five foot nine, blonde, with perfect features , had worked her way up from the BBC accounts department over the last 80 years. She knew the BBC inside out, all backed up with the entire BBC archive in her onboard database.

The sun poured into the office through the open roof, the I-Con glowed in the warm afternoon sun, her hair gently blowing in the breeze… for a moment Zac was lost in the thought … if only she was a real girl…
Zac coughed, very quietly, to announce his presence.

What is that horrid smell, said the I-Con…

Oh that’ll be me ma’am, said Zac….

No no no… it’s … it’s …. Oh yuck…..I’ve not smelled anything like that since the great fire of Tausauds, 50 years ago……. Never mind, I’ll close the sun-roof, I expect you’re wondering why you’re here?

Zac, a little surprised, as the I-Con was nothing like, his best mate Henry had told him………

Well…… yes, ma’am, said Zac

Oh quit with the ma’am, Zac, I don’t like all that nonsense ….
Ok Zac , I’ll get straight to the nub: we have a problem?
What’s that, said Zac.
Well: it’s Wake up to Wogan: the show is just about to start it’s 173rd year and well .. to be honest the format is a little tired ….. The man himself has been with BBC so long, his incremental holiday entitlement, forced a change in Global Law to extend a year to 70 weeks , just so he could fit all of his holiday in. Then there was the Great Tog revolt … that was before you were born of course…., we’ve only just recovered from that… no not your birth, the Great Tog revolt…..and the good stand-ins have all got their own shows to worry about ……. So this might be the Biggest George Dubya since the real thing but I’m gonna give you the breakfast show, starting tomorrow.

What’s a George Dubya, asked Zac inquisitively.

Ok Zac, a quick, history lesson ……. The Americans, were once the greatest and most powerful nation on this planet but they were duped out of their country and lead to extinction by two young African boys. The Americans were victims of their own greed really. In the mid 2000s, a phenomenon, known as Carbon Footprint was invented by a couple of clever marketing consultants, who owned a tree planting business in Slough. The Americans, always wanted to be the best, have the biggest, fasted, and most powerful of everything. Their leader at the time, George Dubya, said, if we’re gonna have a carbon footprint, then we’re gonna have the biggest one ever. The problem with that was: fossil fuel was in really short supply and invading other countries to get more of it was becoming: well, unpopular. It came to a point around 2009 when there was no fossil fuel left at all. Two young boys in Malawi, drained the oil from an old tractor, dug a small hole in the ground and installed a mail order water feature, then filled it with the oil from the old tractor. The water feature ran for just long enough, for the boys to take a short video, which the two pranksters uploaded onto U-tube with the title Third World Strikes Oil. It took seconds for the images to be seen all over the world. George Dubya, still not content with the size of his country’s carbon footprint, and in his last bid for popularity, mobilised the entire nation, packing everyone onto ships and headed for the Third World. It turned out that they didn’t have enough fuel to reach the third world, so they ended up fighting amongst themselves at sea, and were never seen or heard from again…. So that’s what a George Dubya is.

Breakfast Show! Tomorrow!… woohoo! I gotta get to work, said Zac……

Zac was so pleased with his new position he ran from the I-Con’s office…….

The I-Con said, you may wish to put some……. Oh you’ve gone …..clothes on ……. ……. Such a sweet boy ………….

Zac was so excited :he hadn’t remembered was that he was on level 1750 it was 15:15, he was naked, and it was time for the Traffic Goddess to hover down to the studio.

Hello big boy, said the sweetest voice from behind Zac,….. ……

Zac had nowhere to run , he turned……… oh noooooooo the Traffic Goddess…..

Come to mamma … …….

The Travel Goddess was quite probably the most loved, yet most feared being on the planet. Back in the old days, when roads and motorways were the way most people got about. The Travel Goddess would keep travellers up to date on what was happening and where, with regular bulletins. All that changed with the introduction of the Waitaways. Billed as the new way to travel, it was the last folly of Gordon Bennett and remains to this day as a legacy to the dark times. The legend has it that, it alone was the reason why politicians were outlawed in 2017 and all-legislative power in the Western World was handed over to the BBC Executive.

The Waitaway was supposed to be an instantaneous travel medium, allowing travellers to get from A to B instantly. Traffic jams and road chaos would be a thing of the past. Unfortunately, the Government Departments and the companies responsible for the project had under budgeted for the new scheme. With costs spiralling and an election due, the scheme was cut back to a more manageable size, and would be open in time, for Election Day. Early voters keen to try out the new Waitaway on their way to cast their vote , were left confused and abandoned in large holding areas at the access points to the Waitaway. It turned out that the system had been so cut back, that it could only do one car at a time in any 1 minute slot… so with 35 million vehicles trying to use the Waitaway on day one, the system crashed and took years to recover. In the mean time, the Transport Department, keen to rake back some cash from the motorist, had installed its latest weapon: the Rapi-deploy Ground Rent Cameras, all over the waiting areas. Charging the travellers for waiting, while they waited for their turn to get on the Waitaway. Realising that they’d been had, there was a motorist revolt, and that was the end of politicians. The BBC took over the Waitaway and use it to this day, for staff only travelling between BBC control centres, and its run by the Travel Goddess herself.

With all but BBC staff travel virtually banned, the Travel Goddess, receives hundreds of thousands of letters each day begging for a slot on the Waitaway: she gives away 5 slots a day as a prize on her, take a ride with me phone-in feature, which appears once a day on each of the five day-time shows……..

Oh hi, said Zac….

Aren’t we forgetting something, said the Travel Goddess…

Ummmm … nnnnnnn……no, said Zac,

You need to move house…. today….

Ye…yeah and….

And that means you need a Waitaway slot……..and that means you need to come with me……….

The travel Goddess grabbed Zac’s arm, dragged him onto her hovering travel sofa and sped off down the corridor……….

To be continued………..

PJ in Kent · Joined: 11 Dec 2006 Posts: 1102 Location: Go on, guess!

Good stuff, Rachel Laughing

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He's not the Messiah- he's a very naughty boy!

belinda · Joined: 13 Dec 2006 Posts: 63

"Eats Shoots and Leaves"
by Lynne Truss.
£9.99 from Amazon.

A lovely piece of sticky poo.
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Yours Sincerely
Belinda Smile

Rachel · Guest

The pleasure we feel in criticizing, robs us from being moved by very beautiful things.
Jean de la Bruyère (1645-1696) French satiric moralist.

PJ in Kent · Joined: 11 Dec 2006 Posts: 1102 Location: Go on, guess!

belinda · Joined: 13 Dec 2006 Posts: 63

Out! Obviously!
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Yours Sincerely
Belinda Smile

Rachel · Guest

Episode 3-- Living the High Life..

Zac lived in a Type 7, Series 3, Accommodation Pod, ( A-Pod) installed on level 4, of the BBC Birmingham Control Centre. Accommodation Pods came into widespread use in the 2020s after the last housing market crash of the 21st century. It was a big one, following the first on many earthquakes in Kent. It was far too risky to buy old fashioned bricks and mortar after that. All but a few of the more historically valuable buildings remain intact. After travel outside of the regional employment zones became almost impossible, Accommodation Pods, located on Social or Employment Towers became the norm and have been since, they lock into the spine of the towers much like Brussel Sprouts on the stem of their mother plant. The great thing about accommodation pods is that moving job, means just having your pod moved and plugged into the new Employment Tower. Most people of working age live in an Employment Tower of some sort. The Social Towers are mainly for retired people and have virtually nobody in them, as retirement is hugely unpopular, especially with older people. Most people these days, just work until there's a thud on the keyboard....

Zac had been given a fantastic slot in the Broadcasting House Tower on level 1648, way above the cloud base on the south side, in what is known as a perma-sun position. This is real status. Only the very best presenters get a slot like this.....

.... The Travel Goddess hovered into Zac's A-Pod for a cup of tea before making the Waitaway Journey back to London.

Gosh! I haven't seen one of those for years, she yelled to Zac,

Zac was in the kitchen making tea.

One of what? asked Zac.

A Plastic Wendy, shouted the Travel Goddess.

Oh you mean Freda: yeah I picked her up at an A-Pod repo sale a couple of years ago, said Zac. Check out behind her ear , she still has the original manufactures tag.

You mean this is Freda!? Oh wait till the girls in London hear about this!

The Travel Goddess looked behind Freda's ear ..... Mathews Office Furniture - Made from 35,000 recycled Plastic Coffee Cups.

Wow this thing is worth a fortune, said the Travel Goddess..... What are you going do with it? You know that plastic is a banned substance in London?

A Plastic Wendy was a short lived, must-have, Public House, hat/umbrella stand, really popular for a few months, in the early 21st Century. They were modelled on famous-ish/popular/attractive women of the time but this one was a rare historical model( they made only 150 of them)...this particular Pamela Anderson version was the very last one....

Oh I'm just going to dump her at the Illicit Still said Zac, she'll fit in there no problem. Can we drop it off on the way?

Yeah... sure, said The travel Goddess...

With Zac safely installed on level 1648.. it was time for bed. Zac had trouble nodding off, his head filled with ideas for his new breakfast show .........

TBC...

Rachel · Guest

Episode 4 - A Tall Story

Zac's first show ended in the usual way for a modern breakfast show; a note from the I-CON! It read, "See me!"

On his way up in the lift , Zac wondered what the I-CON may want. Hmmmm probably that blonde joke thought Zac.

Bizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

Yes.

Zac to see you Ma'am.

Ask him to come straight through.

Zac walked into the I-CON's Office, she was looking out the window, enjoying the sun, low over the metropolitan skyline, and playing with her hair ...

Cranes she said.

Cranes asked Zac , inquisitively

Yes cranes , she said. We paid top dollar for this place in Hounslow - the most salubrious area of London, yet all we see; is Sky-cranes. When we moved in here way back in the 30s this was the tallest Hover-Tower on the planet. Now look at us, surrounded by Sky-cranes.

You brought me up here to talk about cranes?

No! Don't be silly, I brought you up here because that is what I do. It's expected you see.

Oh.

Yes I'm supposed to drag you up here after every show and give you a roasting about the things listeners have complained about.

and? said Zac.

Well; there hasn't been any complaints and it just won't do.

None at all?

Nope; not a one, and that concerns me.

Why?

Why; because there's an entire sub-level of grade-15 Complaint Managers with nothing to do today. Not to mention their teams of Complaint Adjusters. We'll have to give them the day off.

Oh! So what would you like me to do?

Don't be so dam good Zac: crash the pips now and again.. the odd err, when you're chatting, talk over the intros and end of really good music, play the same track twice, press the wrong button now and again; that sort of stuff.

You want me to make mistakes.

Yes I want you make mistakes.....There's more to being a great Presenter than just getting it right all the time. We have an economy to keep going too.

The economy.

Oh don't they teach you anything these days? Yes the economy. Complaint adjustment is big business.

Maybe I should send you to the Kennedy Institute for a quick refresher course.

The Kennedy Institute!?

I thought that place was a legend!

Oh it is Zac; It is....

So what is it?

Way-way back in 2008 there was a BBC edict, which to cut a long story short said that at the beginning of each programme the presenter had to thank the previous presenter for his/her show; but the annoying part for some, was that each time a presenter mentioned another presenter on-air, they had to follow that, with all of the awards the presenter had won in the past, in chronological order. That's why there's a 45 minute gap in the programming after Drivetime; it takes so long to say Thanks Chris .Sony Sony Sony BAFTA HUBBA Sony Sony Sony EMMA, HUBBA, ERNIE BRBA BRBA HUBBA MUBBA OSCAR ... etc etc You know he's won over a thousand awards now...........Anyway it was at the annual Hounslow Union British Broadcasting Awards, "the HUBBAs", in 2008, when an early morning presenter called Alex, won two of them, you may have read about him in the history books. Nobody is really sure whether it was the size of her bar-bill or the sobering realisation that every day thereafter, at the start of her show, she'd have to say, Thanks Alex, HUBBA HUBBA, that made Sarah Kay shriek so loudly that she lost her voice.

So what happened then?

Well it was a career ending event really, or so everyone thought. She had a week or two off of course while the beeb tried to sort everything out. They searched and searched the cupboards and nothing; but one research assistant googled for it, and came up with a state of the art voice synthesis implant, newly available on the National Health. They opted for that.

The irreversible operation was a complete success, her show continued and nobody noticed the difference for 18 months.

There was a difference?

Well some would say not but in a cruel twist of fate the Digital Voice Sampling from a number of her shows, which was used for the Voice Synthesis Algorithms for the implant ,somehow got mixed-up with a recording of some farmyard animals. So she can only make traditional farmyard animal noises now .. oh and a Peacock.

Gosh, said Zac... we all thought that was just an old wives tale.

Oh no , it really happened, Zac.

So what does she do now.

Well the Beeb set up the Kennedy Institute as a Children's entertainment/education centre on the ground floor and the upper floors are the Broadcasting Centre of Excellence.

Oh I see..

So what Does Sarah Kay do?

Oh she runs the place. She's the top dog over there, so to speak.

but she can only make noises like animals! Zac exclaimed.

Exactly!!!

You go and see her today Zac, you'll find inspite of it all , she's still quite chirpy!

TBC......

PJ in Kent · Joined: 11 Dec 2006 Posts: 1102 Location: Go on, guess!

** PJ ducks around the nearest corner as the sound of the Dawn Patrol fans champing at the bit grows ever louder**
_________________
He's not the Messiah- he's a very naughty boy!

Rachel · Guest

Episode 5. Escape from the Tower ( Part 1)

Zac turned to leave the I-CON's office, hesitated; and asked a question, that had been on his mind for some time....

You mentioned Alex earlier...

Yes? ...

Well: the record books list him up to 2009, then, nothing; what ever happened to him after that?

Oh, it's a long story Zac; Wogan is on his way up with his entourage, it'll have to wait for another day. I'll download the files for your roasting tomorrow.

Bizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt!

Yes!

Ma'am .... there's a Marching Band coming up the corridor...

Yes.. I can hear the Kazoos ...... It'll be Wogan and his team back from holiday, open the screen doors and show them through to the main conference office. And whatever you do .. Don't feed them, we'll be here all day!

Bizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt!

Yes

Ma'am, there's a team of French Pastry Chefs with a mobile kitchen, here to see you ..

Oh I knew it was going to be one of those days. Conference Office, with the others..

Oh! and what looks like the Entire Staff- from Legal and Binding Contract Negotiations Ltd.

Conference Office....

Bizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt!

Yes

Ma'am, ... ...there's..

the I-CON interrupted...

Anyone who comes up in the next 30 minutes - just show them into the main conference office...... they'll all be with Wogan....buzz me when HE arrives... thanks

Now Zac you're far too young to see this sort of stuff , you get on your way to see Sarah and remember I want complaints tomorrow!.Not too many, just enough, it's a fine balance. Oh and take the afternoon off.

Zac left the I-CON's office thinking, afternoon off! - Don't I get every afternoon off?... Hmmmm this London gig isn't like Birmingham.... Now, how do I get to the Kennedy Institute? Ah! A receptionist , I'll ask her......

scuse me...

Yes dear.

Zac , looking lost and shrugging his shoulders, asked, Kennedy Institute?

Ok it's down the hall, 15 doors on the right, down two flights of stairs, then across the hallway, take the left hand door , then down that corridor, take the 9th left , then across the Japanese Garden, past the Water fountain, take the left set of stairs , go up one level, turn right at the top, then take the 6th door on the left, then take the lift down to level 374, make sure you don't have anything of value with you. Then take the skyway across to the Kennedy Institute, key in your entry code and they'll let you in.

Entry code?

Yes Entry Code. Do you have an Entry Code?

err...No.. Do I need one?

All travel outside of the Regional Employment Zone has to be authorised by the Travel Goddess, everyone knows that.

The Travel Goddess! But it's just over there!!!

Mild Aggression Detection Alert ! Mild Aggression Detection Alert! blurted from the receptionist's monitor.

I'm deleting this conversation from my day record, I'm scanning your image and reporting this incident to my supervisor. Next enquiry please.

Do you know where she is?

Where who is sir?

The Travel Goddess.!!!!!

Medium Aggression Detection Alert ! Medium Aggression Detection Alert! blurted from the receptionist's monitor.

I'm deleting this conversation from my day record, I'm scanning your image and reporting this incident to my supervisor. Next enquiry please.

Hello. Please can you tell me where the Travel Goddess is?

One moment sir, I'm scanning ..................................

a glazed look came over the receptionist's eyes. Zac waited and waited.... and waited........... 27 minutes and 9 seconds later

........ The Travel Goddess is due in the building at 12:00. Next enquiry please.....

Hmmmmm, guess I'll have to wait thought Zac ....

Zac decided not ask where the Staff Restaurant might be, it would surely be less hassle just to try and find it himself., how hard could it be? .......

Zac turned and walked back down the corridor, the way he had walked in, passing a very large sign which read.

"The Kennedy Institute is down the hall, 15 doors on the right, down two flights of stairs, then across the hallway, take the left hand door , then down that corridor, take the 9th left , then across the Japanese Garden, past the Water fountain, take the left set of stairs , go up one level, turn right at the top, then take the 6th door on the left, then take the lift down to level 374, make sure you don't have anything of value with you. Then take the skyway across to the Kennedy Institute, key in your entry code and they'll let you in. "

Zac was just about to take a note of the directions when two security guards came up to him. Ah great, Zac thought, they can show me the way to the restaurant but before Zac could say anything, one of the Security Guards unclipped a Clip-board from his belt, took a perfunctory glance, then asked, Zac VonVolstock?

Err yes.

You've been selected for an immediate Anger Management Training Course, please follow us..............

TBC............

Rachel · Guest

Episode 6, Escape from the Tower ( Part 2)

Zac followed the two security guards down umpteen corridors and stairs, he started thinking his life would end before reaching the Training Area. Just when Zac thought, maybe he should do a runner, a vision of loveliness stopped him, dead in his tracks. It was the Travel Princess! So beautiful, she could wither a man's soul at 25 paces; her voice, soft, warm and sensuous, responsible for many a yearning heart.....

The Travel Princess spotting Zac, sped over to him on her Hover-sofa......

Hello Big Boyo, she said...

Zac, a man who'd been in broadcasting from the age of 12, stunned by her beauty, was unusually, lost for words...

err... errr.. err He..llo..

Having problems Zac?

We..ll yes actually, I'm supposed to be going to the Kennedy Institute but I didn't have an Access Code and when I asked for The Travel Goddess these two turned up and are taking me for some sort of Anger Management Training, I don't really know what is going on...

The Kennedy Institute! Blimey! What did you do wrong, it's only your first day!? I'll sort this for you Zac....

The Travel Princess pushed a few buttons, the security guards changed the expression on their faces from, you're coming with me, to, have a nice day, then walked off.

Wow thanks.... can you get me into the Kennedy Institute?

I'll do better than that Zac, I'll take you there myself... room for a small one.. hop on...

Zac and the Travel Princess chatted about all sorts of stuff on route, and agreed to meet for a lunch date, just after 12:00.

I'll show you around Hounslow this afternoon Zac. It'll be wicked!

Well there's an offer I can't refuse.......

In no time at all they were at the main door to the Kennedy Institute.

The Travel Princess keyed in the access code..08700 100200

That's your phone number, said Zac...

Well we're not going use a number we can't remember are we Zac.....

They waited for a little while, then the Travel Princess had to dash off... yelling, 12 o'clock in the Glow Park.. see you there!

The main doors to the Kennedy Institute were old, rusty, about 70 feet tall and looked like they hadn't been opened for years. The writing on the wall beside the door, long since worn away.

The doors creaked into life, the hinges groaning with pain as the two rusting hulks swung, slowly inward.

Zac stepped inside; it was dark, a little cold and very very quiet ...... Zac was scared .....

The lights came on; stood there in the centre of the hallway, facing away from Zac, was Sarah Kay. This was the moment when Zac would finally meet the Legend of the Broadcasting World, the one person who could set Zac on the path to world-wide stardom: oh how he'd dreamed as a small boy, of meeting the legend, learning the tricks of the trade that only she could pass on to him . The triumph of putting that one simple formula into use on national radio over the next 50 years was just moments away. Zac trembled with excitement. Sarah Kay turned around, took down the hood from her hoodie and said, Hi, I'm Richard Allison, Sarah is sounding a bit croaky this morning, so I'm covering for the next few days.....

Zac just stood there open mouthed; twice in one day, lost for words.

So you're Zac huh?

yep that's me... here to see Sarah Kay

Sorry mate , no can do , she's not in this week , you'll have to suffer little old me...

Well I've been sent by the I-Con, said Zac..

Oh don't worry about her Zac, have you heard what she's done with Wogan?

err no...

She's only gone and given him his own channel ...

His own channel?!

yeah, TOGs FM! ... it's all part of the Beeb's Board of Governors new Social Policy to try and get more folk to retire, mainly because of the overcrowding in the Employment Towers as well as the pensions crisis.

The pensions crisis?

yeah, apparently the pension companies are so wealthy now because nobody has retired in the last 50 years. They hold the balance of power in the G300 Economic Union.

How did the I-Con swing that one?

Well you know how the I-Con can charm the birds out of the trees...

yeah but Wogan is an old hand , he knows all the moves, he's not going to be taken in by all that, "it'll be good for your career nonsense", and he has that huge team of contract negotiators.......

Well she did have one ace up her sleeve that nobody was anticipating......

what was that.?

A Bed Guard.

A Bed Guard!!!

One look at that bed guard and she had him eating out the palm of her hand , quite literally; ........it was a done deal from that moment on. So the way is clear for you young Zac.

What Wogan doesn't know yet is that TOGs FM will only be available in the Social Towers.

Oh ok, Zac shrugged, ... but what about why I'm here?

Oh we'll talk about that down at the Glow Park, over a bevy.. let's go..........

TBC

PJ in Kent · Joined: 11 Dec 2006 Posts: 1102 Location: Go on, guess!

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belinda · Joined: 13 Dec 2006 Posts: 63

Most revealing!

Thank you Blue Tulip Rose... er, I mean, Blue Angel.
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Yours Sincerely
Belinda Smile

Rachel · Guest

Tis not real life Belinda Smile

Just a little fun....

... tune in for the next episode tomorrow....

Blue Angel is my R2 MB nickname, although I very rarely go on there these days.

Rachel · Guest

Episode 7 . Ladies what lunch

<Richard> We'll have to go out through the Cat-flap Zac,

<Zac> The Cat-flap! Why's that?

<Richard> everyone does ... well everyone except the Travel Goddess and the Travel Princess, even the I-Con has to get down on her knees to get in and out of here. Sarah Kay enjoys the supplication of it all , she's always hooting at the R2 Christmas do about how many she's had on their knees in this place.

<Zac> Oh I see. Blimey that's quite a squeeze. So how far away is the Glow Park?

< Richard> Not far if we can grab an empty Glowkart...look there's one ... after three jump..... Three!

Zac and Richard jumped into the passing Glowkart , a driverless box with a hard wooden seat. Glowkarts travel to and fro along the Glowways to the Glowpark from out-lying areas. A bit like a cheap fairground ride they are the only way to get about within the Employment Zone, other than walking and nobody does that!. The Glowpark is at ground level, in fact , it's on the ground which is a dam rare thing , mainly because of the taxes involved. It's in the centre of the Employment Tower; a kind of modern day outdoor Pizza Hut where the Beeb folk spend most of their leisure time; the view is fantastic and the sun: well you can't spend too much time in there. Well: Dale Winton did once. He's been in the bleaching department ever since but without any luck, it still looks fake. The BBC Employment Tower is like a huge funnel, a little over two miles high; all the real work is done way up near the top above the clouds, the A-Pods, where everyone lives are on the outer stem and the inside is lined with mirrored Glow Panels which provide all the power for the entire Employment Zone .. so being in the Glowpark is something special, once you get over the thought that you're at the very bottom of a huge funnel and anything that falls from the sky is certain to land on you.

Zac and Richard Sat down and ordered a meal, Zac went for meal 3 , Richard's favourite was meal 11C. Food has moved on since the old days , gone are all the choices of different types of tasty food. All food is exactly the same, a blend of protein, carbohydrate and essential nutrients, the only difference between the food types, is the colour. This all happened after a pair of disgruntled Starlings, represented by Save the Birds back in the 2020s successfully sued the Beeb Food Standards Agency, for lack of sleep, caused by Attention Deficit Disorder and Hyperactive Syndrome in their chicks, after they'd eaten some table scraps thrown out for them, by a caring Beeb employee: the Beeb banned all food types in all Regional Employment zones except for Meals 1 to 11F (all additive free) and all have the same ok ish taste except for meal 11E which tastes just like Pollyfilla, and is widely believed to be the origin of the saying after eating, mmmmmmm lovely that filled a small hole.

< Icon's Office>

Bizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt!

yes ma'am

Get me the Travel Princess right away.

Bizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt!

yes

Travel Princess to see you ma'am

send her straight in....

<TP> you sent for me ma'am

 I understand that you're having lunch with Zac today, you cancelled his Anger Management Training and you intend taking him out into Hounslow in your GlowRover.

<TP> yes ma'am.

 Firstly, what are the rules about agricultural vehicles in the Employment Zone?

<TP> rules ma'am?

 and Zac ...

<TP> yes...

 well do you think it's wise, considering the circumstances...

<TP> I didn't think it would do any harm ma'am.

 Harm!!! You could ruin the entire experiment: 80 years of planning!!. You'll have to call it off .

<TP> He's expecting me at 12:00

 Just tell Zac that the Travel Goddess is running a tad late after a heavy night on the town and you have to cover......

 Oh yes , and if I see that old tractor of yours in the Glowpark again, I'll have it crushed!

<TP> Yes ma'am..

The Travel Princess left the I-Cons office; the receptionist said, she likes you really.

Bizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt!

Yes ma'am

Clear my diary for this afternoon, order some 1990's food; I don't care what, from that place in Birmingham, and get Zac back in my office for 12:30....

TBC.....

Rachel · Guest

Episode 8 Crisis in the Boardroom

I-Con's Office

Bizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt!

yes

Ma'am, the Travel Princess has gone missing from the studio.

*&^%$%^&**!!!!! I was expecting this. Put a trace on her Hover-sofa and let me know where she is. Call-in the Travel Goddess to cover, then call an immediate extraordinary meeting of the Ancient Council of the Nine BLOATs. Oh, and don't let Lord Walker ride his Glowbike up the stairs this time, he can use the lift like the rest of us.

It was always a very serious matter indeed if the Ancient Council of the Nine BLOATs had to meet. The last time they were all in the same room together was August 2009. The nine broadcasting legends of all time ( BLOATs) had made a decision of global importance way back but they knew then, that one day, the problem would come home to roost. Today of all days; was to be that day.

The Travel Princess had dumped her Hover-sofa in an empty studio and ran down to the Glowpark , she started up her Glow-rover and sped towards Richard and Zac. Arriving with a Hover-break turn she showered Zac and Richard with space dust leaned out of the sliding window and said...

<TP> How do you like your Pollen Filters Big boy?...

<Zac> ... er.....er..

<TP> no time for Pete Mitchell impressions Zac, how do you like your Pollen Filters?

<Zac> open.

<TP> great! Get in!

The Travel Princess folded down the windscreen of her Glow-rover rolled back the rag-top and headed out of the glow-park towards Hounslow; leaving Richard to pick up the bill for lunch.

<TP> Breathe! Zac Breathe !

<Zac> Cough cough cough zzznnnzbbzakjakjghhhhhhhhhhhh

<TP> Cough it up , keep coughing Zac

Zac coughed up a small black disk, the size of a draughts piece...

<Zac> oh yuck .. what the .... is that?

<TP> it's a biomass transfer location device Zac....throw it away...

Zac threw the disk away, it landed in a nearby glow-skip..

<Zac> what's going on?

<TP> all in good time Zac, for now just be content that you're safe with me........

I-Cons Office

Bizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt!

yes

Ma'am ... the Council is ready.

 Thanks , I'm on my way.

Eight of the Nine BLOATs had assembled in the chamber, each of them in their designated seats; two seats however, remained empty. The I-Con entered the chamber and took her seat. The introduction ritual always had to take place first to verify the identity of the BLOATs making sure they hadn't sent a stand-in.

<Lady Sarah Kay> Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

<Lord Evans> Coming up!

<Lord Wright> Did you know that if you took all the e-mails in the whole world ever and held them up to the light, they'd all have a watermark that says. Love the sh...

< Lord Walker> interjected... Get a move on!

<Lord Wogan> Oh! ... Is it me?

< Lord Woss> all whitey!

<Lord Dutta> did you see what I did there?

<Lord Bruce> Muppet!

<Lord ??????> ???

The I-Con stood a cardboard cut-out of the missing Lord in the empty chair...

 You all know why you're here...

<all> baa baa, Of course, yes indeedy, Do'h, Is it me? Look at the state of you lot, you might have dressed up for the occasion,. just because you're on the Radio doesn't mean you shouldn't make an effort what about the poor people on the Glow-bus on your way in? Think of them, they don't want to see you looking like that it's an outrage.. and a nice dress it is too Wossy, ayeeee...

 This is deadly serious; the day we've all been dreading has arrived, the experiment has failed and he <pointing at the Cardboard Cut-out> will be back before sunset.....

the room fell silent .......

TBC..........

PJ in Kent · Joined: 11 Dec 2006 Posts: 1102 Location: Go on, guess!

The plot thickens!
(love the Pete Mitchell err, umm, reference Laughing

)
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He's not the Messiah- he's a very naughty boy!

Rachel · Guest

Episode 9- R2 Armageddon!

.. yes the Generic Alphatronic Gurons (GAGs) that control the Psychosomatic Personality Implant Overlay are failing fast. Within a few short hours we'll all stand face to face with our destiny. The boffins on floor 16 thought that bringing him out of hibernation with a personality implant and pheromone inhibiter wouldn't be a problem . They were wrong! We've already seen the effect on the Travel Goddess and the Travel Princess, as soon as he's back to his old self, it'll be like 2009 all over again. It's not the end of the world but it is our Armageddon. How can we explain the 148 years? He's not going to be happy.

The Council of the Nine BLOATs had a look of concern about them as they discussed the plans to prevent another disaster. Way back in 2009 an early morning DJ was so popular, so gorgeous, so attractive, that almost every woman on the planet, having seen him on TV a year earlier, getting two HUBBAs had packed up their bowling bags and headed for the Birmingham Employment Zone, just to get a glimpse of the man whose pheromones were overwhelmingly alluring. The chaos that followed; the crowds of screaming women, the mass migration from Southern and Eastern Europe threatened to destabilise the world as we know it. The Council of the Nine BLOATS hatched a plan to fake the death of the DJ and put him into hibernation suspension for 10 years, after which he would return to broadcasting under an assumed name. His death, faked live on air, was almost convincing. On his regular what's for breakfast slot, he drowned in a bowl of muesli to the horror of his adoring fans. The subsequent BBC investigation pointed to a strong current pulling him under as the cause of death. Zillions of fans left distraught, started an investigation of their own. It wasn't long before the conspiracy theories circulated. For years after, television schedules were filled with who dunnit investigation programmes. It wouldn't go away. The ten year deal was too risky, the global economy was too unstable , it was far too dangerous to bring him back while there was still so much interest. So the years slipped by. One hundred and forty eight of them. It was only when the I-Con, early in her career as an accounts clerk, searched her secret databanks, that she discovered the plot. She set about restoring the natural order of things and return the DJ to his former status as Dr gLove. Eighty years it took for her to climb the corporate ladder to reach I-Con status. It was her who had approved the plans for the revival experiment, it was her who had deliberately briefed for a temporary Psychosomatic Personality Implant Overlay. As a Managerial Robot she would never know real love; her manufacture hadn't installed an emotion function, but after eighty years of wondering what it might be like, who better to show her than the love-legend buried deep within her archives.........
Zac, shook his head and looked jolly confused. The Psychosomatic Personality Implant Overlay had now failed completely. He could remember who he was but not why he was in a futuristic vehicle with such a vision of loveliness. Must have been a heavy night down at the Dolphin Arms thought Alex, blimey that was good stuff. The Travel Princess immediately fell even further under Alex's spell.........
< Alex> What day is it?
<TP> Friday.
< Alex> Yip ta HOOTIE!!!!!
<TP> Oh my god! You can't be.
< Alex> Can't be what?
<TP> The legend -The Dark Lord!!!
<Alex> well some folk call me that but it's not my name, I'm just a guy who plays records on the radio.
<TP> but you died 148 years ago, I heard you drown in a bowl of muesli... live on air
<Alex> well it certainly feels like it ... is this the after-life then?
<TP> No it's 2157 ... I'll have to get you back to my A-Pod for an afternoon tumble. This is incredible!
The Travel Princess turned the Glow-rover around.
<Alex> 215.... what the ..... is that?
<TP> Broadcasting House.

Dark clouds were massing and circling over and around the Employment Tower. The Ancient Council of the Nine BLOATs knew that their time was short; if Alex were to get into the Glow-park with his Pheromones unchecked it would surely cause another migration leading to global meltdown. The unique structure of the Employment Tower was designed specifically by the I-Con to allow immediate and maximum transmission of the Love-Lord's presence to the world. It would be like the blowing of the Seventh Trumpet of Judgement day......
<Alex> so it's the year 2157 is it?
< TP> yep .. and that means you've been missing for 148 years
< Alex > blimey that would make me....em..... oh hang on, what date is it?
<TP> 11th May 2157 hey! it's your birthday! Happy Birthday Alex!

PJ in Kent · Joined: 11 Dec 2006 Posts: 1102 Location: Go on, guess!

Continuing a fine tale for the gateway to the weekend Laughing

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He's not the Messiah- he's a very naughty boy!

Cherskiy · Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 8:08 pm Post subject:

Keep them coming, Rachel! Smile

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(Free to read via Kindle Unlimited)

Rachel · Guest

the first of the final two-part Episode will be with us on Monday Smile

Stay tuned! Wink

PJ in Kent · Joined: 11 Dec 2006 Posts: 1102 Location: Go on, guess!

Oh no, a cliff-hanger ending......

I shall be in suspenders all weekend!

**Oops, a little window into PJ's private world there** Embarassed

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He's not the Messiah- he's a very naughty boy!

seymourwhitebits · Joined: 31 Mar 2007 Posts: 560 Location: Birmingham

PJ in Kent · Joined: 11 Dec 2006 Posts: 1102 Location: Go on, guess!

Rachel · Guest

Episode 10 The Dawn of a New ERA ( Part 1)

The Chamber of the Council of the Nine BLOATs continued with their discussion on how they may account for the 148 years. Alex; the most feared of the Lords wouldn't be fobbed off this time, they'd have to come up with something believable.

The I-Con, pre-programmed for this very moment, put forward a suggestion:

 How about we say it was a minor administrative error?

<Lord Wogan> Is it me?

< Lady Kay> Howled with laughter.

<Lord Bruce> ayeee it's nooo a bad idea.

<Lord Wright> Did you know; a recent survey discovered that 95% ... yes 95% and that's very nearly all of them folks : of administrative errors are avoidable' and I think that means they probably didn't need to happen in the first place, what do you think Tim?

<Lord Walker> Get a move on! He's not here you **&*%$!

<Lord Wossy> I weckon we should just tell him we didn't like his hair, I mean come on, how long can a guy let his hair gwow before people start asking questions , know what I mean? <wink> It's hard enough these days to tell: it's not that I'm fascinated by twansvestites; it's just they're very intewesting people and they featcha in my show evewy week. On a dark night, after a few shandys, why not. In fact just the other day I was home on my own; and well, you know how it is, I found myself at the wife's dwessing table, as you do. Come on guys, it's just cuwiosity , we've all done this. You know, a bit of lippy... a bit of blusher ... pulled my manly locks back into a ponytail, and I have to say I qwite fancied myself...I could see myself getting into one of those special clubs half price........ bargain! That's why they do it - they're not stupid!

<Lord Dutta> I think I'm gonna be sick....

 Lord Wossy , your sad devotion to that Tuesday night pastime isn't going to wash with Alex.

< Lord Wossy> Ok then, if there's any BBC TV scheduling folk listening ; PUT ME ON EARLIER!

Meanwhile, the Travel Princess and Alex arrived back at the Glowpark, abandoned the Glow-rover in a flower bed and headed for the Main Entrance to the Employment Tower. Alex's memory had fully recovered from the suspended hibernation. He was keen to take his place on the Council of Nine BLOATs. He had questions - lots of them, the first one was, where is the lift? The Travel Princess put Alex in the lift and sent him, on his way.....

 Lord Lester is in the building.

<Lord Evans> Coming up?

 Yes he's in Rapi-speed lift 7 which comes directly to this room.

The doors of the lift opened: Lord Lester :- the true leader of the Ancient Council of the Nine BLOATs, (and the Western World) entered the Chamber: Lady Kay growled then made a beeline for Lord Lester's throat. With a back swing Arnold Palmer would have been proud of, she unleashed her handbag. The I-Con threw herself into the line of fire and took the full force of Lady Kay's pent-up hatred for the Dark Lord, square in the face. The force of the blow disrupted the I-Con's animatronic-gyro stabilisation circuits, she staggered then fell backwards through the glow-window into a 2-mile fall to certain destruction.

<Lord Dutta> The I-Con has left the building. Did you see what I did there?

<Lord Walker> I don't think the photos of the DG will save you this time Sarah.

< Lord Wogan> Oh dear....

The I-Con reached V-max- terminal velocity, in no-time at all, she realised that the impact would probably cause major irreparable damage; she started to transmit her final instructions to the central computer control centre.........

< Lord Lester> Who was that?

< Lord Bruce> The R2 Controller.

The dark clouds continued to grow and swirl around the Employment Tower. The I-Con had completed her emergency data transmission, moments ahead of certain destruction. After 80 years of unfailing clandestine dedication to the Dark Lord, she realised that her life-long dream of running her fingers through the Dark Lord's hair was just seconds away from being lost forever; one final check thorough her emergency transmission, she satisfied herself that the prime objective would be achieved. She gazed for one last moment at the most recent stored image of the Dark Lord coming out of the lift, shut down her central processor; her final thoughts turned to darkness as she continued to fall. The end of the R2 I-Con? Lady Kay in the Dock? The Dark Lord back from the dead. This would be a day long remembered......

Confusion in Jezza's show studio, as the programme was interrupted with a replacement transmission......................

...... TBC....

PJ in Kent · Joined: 11 Dec 2006 Posts: 1102 Location: Go on, guess!

Great stuff...

Biulding up to a fine climax Embarassed

_________________
He's not the Messiah- he's a very naughty boy!

Rachel · Guest

Episode 10 The Dawn of a new ERA ( Part 2)

The Ancient Council of the Nine BLOATs all together for the first time in 148 years were left agog at the I-Con's untimely departure through the glow-window. Lord Wogan had to sit on Lady Kay, (punishment enough in itself) to restrain the near rabid advances she was making toward Lord Lester. The room fell silent once again as an unknown transmission was piped to the Chamber's Glow screen system. Unknown, for just a moment. The blood drained from their faces as they listened and watched the previously unseen recording of their last meeting. The meeting where it was agreed to place Lord Lester into suspended hibernation for 10 years. After which, Lord Lester was to return as the Breakfast Show Presenter. The meeting which mislead the nation.

The chamber, the nation, the world , watched in horror as the Faked Death agreement papers were past from one Lord to the next. Lady Kay was the last Council Member to sign the agreement. Not noticed at the time but now with an enhanced digital remaster of the recording, Lady Kay could be seen clearly adding three zeros to the 10 year deal.
The World gasped!

The Travel Princess was stood in the Glow-park, hands on hips looking a little miffed. Richard had finished his lunch and walked over to see her.

<Richard> What's up?

<TP> I can't believe it! A huge lump of space debris has just destroyed my glow-rover; look at it... it's gonna take more than the AA to sort this lot out and I'm not insured for space debris.

Blue Angel Technology Ltd
Copyrite 2077.

Global Reconfiguration in Process. Please Wait....................

Initialising Start-up. Please wait...................

Down loading Config. Please wait..................

Initialising Managerial Protocol....................

OK

Loading Database...............................

OK

Loading Personality .........................

OK

Loading Emotion Override

Error......

Start-up complete.

System ready.

The I-Con opened her eyes; through the settling dust, she could see the dark clouds swirling around the top of the Employment Tower. She stood up, dusted herself off, looked at the Travel Princess, smiled and said.

 What have I told you about parking that tractor of yours in the Glow-park. I said It would get crushed, although I hadn't expected to do it myself. I hope the Chickens are ok. Thank you. Don't worry we'll get you a proper retro-rover as a replacement and you can park it here, anytime.

<TP> Wow! A Retro-Rover - those puppies have wheels and a little flap you can open to see the drive shafts going around and everything. How cool is that!

 Richard, you have an appointment.

<Richard> I do?

 We need to get to the Chamber of the Council of Nine BLOATs fast.

< TP> I can get you there.. follow me...

back in the Chamber the Transmission changed to live coverage of the events inside......

The Travel Princess lead the I-Con and Richard to the Chamber. The door opened unexpectedly, Lady Kay was stood there flanked by two Security Guards, both of them with their most stern, " You're coming with us" faces.

<SG1- he's actually called Roy> What would you like done with the prisoner Ma'am?
<SG2- he's called Murdock> To the Gallows Ma'am?

 Ooooh no I think that's a little harsh, I hear that there's a vacancy at Radio 3.

<Lady Kay> NO!!!!!!!! not Radio 3. I just pretend that I like all that classical stuff .........

 So you can speak hmmmmmmmmmm.

Lady Kay was marched away still yelling....

<Lady Kay> I'm not ready for Radio 3, I'm a Radio 2 jock I tell you, get your hands off me you big lump, I bet you drive a white van in your spare time and listen to Lester. Oh yes I bet you listen to Lester, they all listen to Lester, you look just the sort.... woof....baa baaa, quack.......

 Lord Allison, please take your seat. All of you, back to your seats, you have a world to entertain..... now get on with it. Oh Lord Lester, you still owe me a coffee.

The I-Con left the Chamber of the Ancient Council of the Nine BLOATs and returned to her office with the Travel Princess, meeting and collecting The Travel Goddess on the way, for afternoon tea, and a healthy dose of shoe talk and managerial gossip.

The Dark Lord picked up the cardboard cut-out of his 2009 Image, placed it carefully against the wall and took his rightful seat as the Supreme Lord Archetypal Presenter of Music, Yap and Tales Of Playfulness. The Acronym of his title on his place-card read...... SLAP MY TOP.

The End.

PJ in Kent · Joined: 11 Dec 2006 Posts: 1102 Location: Go on, guess!

A work of genius, Rachel... I'd copyright that quick.

Really enjoyed that tale- thanks for sharing Laughing

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He's not the Messiah- he's a very naughty boy!