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Rating Wars

 
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Rachel
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PostPosted: Mon May 21, 2007 2:57 pm    Post subject: Rating Wars Reply with quote

Sad

Last edited by Rachel on Tue May 22, 2007 6:21 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Rachel
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PostPosted: Tue May 22, 2007 10:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sad

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Cherskiy



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PostPosted: Tue May 22, 2007 11:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Laughing Laughing Laughing

Well, it would have been if it had continued.... sorry, Rachel. Sad
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Rachel
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PostPosted: Tue May 22, 2007 6:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry folks but for reasons that I won't go into I'm not able to continue with this thread.

Probably best to delete the whole thing.
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Barkingbiker



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PostPosted: Tue May 22, 2007 9:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry Rachel, seemed like a god laugh to me, I appreciate your posts and sense of humour, Ireckon most of the other members of this message board do as well. Crying or Very sad

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Lord Evan Elpuss



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PostPosted: Wed May 23, 2007 6:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

So what was all this about? Confused? I certainly am!!
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Rachel
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PostPosted: Wed May 23, 2007 7:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Suffice to say that I would have liked to continue with it but I'll have to come up with something less "controversial"
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Toggy tea slurper
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PostPosted: Wed May 23, 2007 7:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Rachel wrote:
Sorry folks but for reasons that I won't go into I'm not able to continue with this thread.

Probably best to delete the whole thing.


Oo'er! Shocked well I saw the original before it went, I assume you've been censored so I won't say anything else.
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PostPosted: Thu May 24, 2007 7:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Shame Sad
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Rachel
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PostPosted: Thu May 24, 2007 10:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just to clarify. It was an outside influence that persuaded me to stop this thread but.....


"Have sorted it now...... however: there's no way I can complete the story before my holibags , so I'll post as many episodes as I can before jetting off to Cornwall next week.....


Last edited by Rachel on Tue May 29, 2007 3:54 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Rachel
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PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2007 2:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's back!! Slightly changed....


Inspired by the 30th anniversary of Star Wars and the recent welcome end to the Adventures of Zac VonVolstock- a new serialised epic space-adventure is in the very early stages of being a preliminary sketch in my daybook at work.

Background - it was a gloomy time in the world of Broadcasting- the Evil Chimera -RAJAR, ruler of the airwaves, and his vast army of ruthless marketeers, lead by a heartless warrior known as The Moyles, had captured and taken control of the ratings. The Moyles would stop at nothing to grow ever more powerful. From his orbiting Bulk Space Cruiser, the BGS Interference, he showered the Earth with hours of tripe each weekday morning in the search for the last few ratings. With his evil deed almost completed, victory and absolute power over the Galaxy was within his grasp. A small band of rebel Broadcasters lead by Captain Wogan with his crew aboard the R2 flagship, DLSS Drivetime, were in loading dock 17B rearming with the latest jingle weaponry, poised for a counter attack.......


Join Captain Wogan and his band as they blast off in pursuit of The Moyles...........
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PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2007 2:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Episode 1


The building shook under a constant barrage of cluster-tripe from the Moyles fleet. The Moyles had a lock on Captain Wogan's location, the only course of action left open to save himself and his crew, was to blast off into space and tackle the Moyles head on. Wogan already strapped into his captains' chair, and yelling over the evacuation alarms, was on the mic.

<CW> Do you hear there! - All positions- status report!

<CB> We're all ready down here in Engineering Cap'n

Commander Bruce was the very best of Engine Room Commanders - nobody could stroke an extra Giggawatt of thrust from a primary load cell generator like he could. They say he can change the laws of physics at will, and often does.

<SLtS> Security - all access doors secure cap'n.

Sub Lt Smith (Timmy) after a lifetime of working on the nightclub door circuit, was the ideal Security Officer on board Dame Lesley's Star Ship Drivetime. Known for never pulling a punch at a party, he had the ideal history of hands on discipline. Disliked by most already; his recent promotion to jobsworth would give everyone a reason to hate him, properly.

<Nav2> Nav2 ready to rock 'n' roll cap'n - course loaded - escape velocity calculation complete- ready when you are. Hit that button baby.

Commander Bowles, The Princess of the Broadcasting World, never let her beauty get in the way of doing a good job.

<CW> where's Nav 1?

<Nav2> Nav 1 is sleeping it off in the cargo hold cap'n, she had a heavy night last night.

Commander Sally- the business when the chips are down, hauled herself into her chair and strapped herself in. She rather liked being strapped in; she often does the straps up just a little tighter than they need be.

<Nav1> Nav 1 ready Cap'n .... oooh too loud...

<PWO> All weaponry loaded and ready cap'n.

Commander Mo, the Principal Warfare Officer, a legendary space warrior was known for taking no prisoners. As a Broadcasting Weaponry expert he was the ideal man to take charge of the DLSS Drivetime's armoury of Podcast Torpedoes, the very latest Jingle Blasters and Amour Piercing Soundbites.

<Cat1> - all ready in catering cap'n and Escape Pods energised.

Lt Sarah kay was the Space Trolley Dolly - she often joked about how important she must be, having a space centre named after her, which of course it was, but more importantly for Captain Wogan she knew a Pinot Grigio from a Muton Cadet and could do things with a cumberland sausage that would make more than just your mouth water.

<No1> All positions correct cap'n - ready to launch.

No1, Commander Evans was a Captain in waiting - how he longed to have a pop at The Moyles himself but for now he was playing the waiting game. Surely his moment would come soon, he has after all, reached a certain age and enjoys gardening- so time is short.

<CW> make it so.

"Right" ,said Cdr Evans as he hit the launch button. The DLSS Drivetime trembled as her Primary Load-Cell Generators ( PLGs) thundered into life. The roof of the R2 Bunker opened slowly under the weight of the Moyles Cluster-Tripe, but open it did. There was a deafening roar as the JATO pods burst open and released their stored energy. The DLSS Drivetime lifted off and hurtled skywards in an impressive ball of flame. For several minutes there was no communication with the R2 Space Control Centre. The shaking stopped and a quite calm washed over the DLSS Drivetime as she entered the upper stratosphere. With the JATO Pods burned out and ejected, Cdr Bruce fired up the Impulse Cruising Motors. Nav2 brought the ship into a steady orbit. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. All statons reported in as operational. A minor technical problem with the Air Conditioning on the catering deck was showing on Captain Wogan's Fault Tote report window but it wasn't worth bothering with.

Just as Cap'n Wogan was undoing his safety belts and thinking of a hearty breakfeast on the warm catering deck, the incoming tripe alarm sounded. Cap'n Wogan ordered the shields up....

<CW> Identify!

<No1> Cheese bandits Cap'n- comin' up

<CW> Origin?

<No1> Galaxy FM Cap'n

<CW> On screen, open coms link..

"Hands up, baby, hands up, Gimme your heart, gimme, gimme your heart Gimme gimme Hands up, baby, hands up, Gimme your heart, gimme, gimme your heart Gimme gimme All your love, All your love. Angel face, I love your smile, Love your ways, I like your style............came over the coms link.........

<No1> Oh palease..... Ottawan.. hands up ... how Cheesy is that?

<PWO> we can take them out with a Single APS and short text cap'n

<CW> make it so

<PWO> One APS and one Text away cap'n

<CW> impact in 5....4....3....2.....1........ yes! a direct hit...... stand down everyone....

<No1> lets hope the Moyles is as easy to take out.................

The Moyles, massed near their secret base on the Dark Side of The Moon, alerted to Wogan's presence by the distress signals from Galaxy FM moved his fleet into attack formation..............

To be continued....


Last edited by Rachel on Tue May 29, 2007 2:18 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Rachel
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PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2007 2:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Episode 2.......



Wogan arrived on the catering deck and took his usual seat . Sarah Kay was looking a little sheepish as she approached with his tray.

<SK> No sausages sir.

<CW> What! No Sausages!! How can we expect to take on the Moyles without sausages?

Wogan was fuming - he'd not been this mad since the monkeys had pulled the windscreen wipers from his car at Woburn Safari Park. Wogan left the table and strutted back to his Captains' chair and strapped himself in. The incoming tripe alarm sounded again....

<CW> Shields up. Identify!

<No1> more Cheese bandits Cap'n- comin' up

<CW> I don't care about Cheese Bandits No1 - we've run out of sausages! We need to get to the Flythrough Hypermarket as a top priority. Set course Nav 1.

< Nav 1> Roger

<No1> Sir .... if we don't tackle the Cheese bandits we'll be pulverised. The odds of successfully navigating that much cheese is 10,000,000,876,000, 057 to 1.

<Nav2> never tell me the odds.

<CW> Move the fighters out to Perimeter Rage 7 to protect us

< No 1> Perimeter 7 Sir, are you sure?

<CW> Yes I'm sure , send that old Pirate,Captain Walker and his fleet.

No1 called Fighter Control.

<No1> hey Jay dubya you old pirate: you get yourself and your boys out to Perimeter 7 - we have a lot of inbound cheese.

<JW> Roger , wilco .... any news on my replacements ?

< No1> take the boy Lester with you - show him the ropes.

<JW> Roger.

Captain J W was the most feared of the R2 fighter pilots, his handle Johnnie "Sky" Walker said it all. He'd never missed a shot. There was no room left for kill stickers on the side of his Galactic Hog Roaster Mklll Fighter.



Meanwhile lurking on the Dark Side of the Moon, The Moyles received a transmission from RAJAR.

<TM> Move the Fleet to orbit 2- we're Obscured by the Clouds. I want to make a clear Transmission to the Master. Engage Interstellar Overdrive.

<EMY1> Aye Sir...

The Moyles moved his fleet into Orbit 2 then like the piper at the gates of dawn , started his transmission to RAJAR. The RAJAR replied:


<RAJAR> It is time for the Great Gig in the Sky


DLSS Drivetime....

<Nav 1> - Transmission intercept Captain!

<CW> on screen

<No1> .... oh wow, A whole Saucer full of Secrets... this is good stuff

< CW> is that Phill Jupitus?

<No1> No Sir, that's The Moyles, your sworn enemy.

<CW> Oh - I can never tell them apart. How long until we get to Flythrough? I'm hungry.

<Nav 2> 10 seconds Cap'n

<CW> oh good- can we record this and listen to it later.

<No1> Sorry sir it has some kind of encoded non-interruptible data stream- it's listen live only....

<Cat1> Standby for sausage transfer........




TBC.....


Last edited by Rachel on Wed May 30, 2007 8:55 am; edited 2 times in total
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Highlander



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PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2007 3:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm speechless Laughing Cool
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Cherskiy



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PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2007 7:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm counting the SF references.... intended or otherwise! Very Happy

Brilliant stuff, Rachel.... Very Happy
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PJ in Kent



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PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2007 8:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Round of applause Rachel!

Great stuff Laughing Laughing Laughing
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Barkingbiker



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PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2007 9:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's a snorker of a tale Rachel, can't wait for episode 3. Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

BB Twisted Evil
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Rachel
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PostPosted: Wed May 30, 2007 8:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Episode 3…


Johnnie and young Alex sped out to perimeter 7, the most dangerous of places to be; too far away to expect any protection from the mother ship. Johnnie led his fleet of single seat Hog Roasters away from Drivetime, with young Alex on his knee. It would be a good training exercise for the boy Lester for The Talent, was strong in him. Although still a little too short to reach the foot-pedals of the Hog Roaster without taped on wooden blocks he could handle a microphone with one hand tied behind his back.

<BL> what was that?

<JW> we’ve lost our rear deflector shield …

< BL> is that bad?

<JW> yep: move to attack position.

<BL> Attack position! Are you mad? One more cheesy hit and we’re done for! Agadoo just about took us out.

<JW> Flying with Cheese Bandits isn’t like paying CDs at home young Alex, push the wrong button, pull the wrong lever and you’ll find yourself floating home.

<BL> What’s that flashing?

<JW> Three Moyles Tripe Fighters on our tail.

The Moyles had hidden himself and 2 of his best Tripe Fighters amongst the Cheese Bandits having felt the presence of a superior Talent. The Moyles himself was in pursuit of his former master, JW.

<BL> what’s that.

<JW> The Moyles are haling us.

<BL> yay

<JW> no: they want to talk to us, and I can guess what it’s about.

<TM> Give up Johnnie your talent is weak, old man. When we last met I was but your student. Now: I AM THE MASTER!

<JW> Only a master Tripe Moylesy. If you blow me away, I’ll become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.

The Molyes locked his Tripe Laser on JW’s Hog Roaster, and with years of envy, let rip with both barrels.

JW’s Hog Roaster spun off into space towards the abandoned cheese mines on the dark side of the moon.


The Moyles back onboard his Bulk Cruiser was in a cheery mood as he entered the RAJAR Council of Listener Figures Manipulation.

The council were discussing Walker and how they could tweak the figures to make him look bad…


<C1> Walker will no longer be of a concern to us, the last remnants of that old relic have been swept away. Fear; will keep the other stations in line. This Station is now the ultimate Channel in the Broadcasting World.

<TM> Don’t be too proud of this technological terror that you’ve constructed. The ability to manipulate the listening figures is insignificant next to the power of The Talent.

<C2> Oh don’t try to frighten us with your Broadcasters ways The Moyles, your sad devotion to that ancient occupation, hasn’t given you Talent enough to conjure up the listener figures you need to see off the R2 Fleet, or provide us with the location of the Stolen Microphone.

<TM> the microphone to which you refer will soon be back in our hands – yes … Yes my friends today will be a day long remembered. It has seen the end of Walker and it will soon see the end of R2's popularity for good.

<Cue movie score:--- dun dun dun dun da dun dun da dunnnnnn….


TBC…..
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PJ in Kent



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PostPosted: Wed May 30, 2007 7:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Did anyone else nearly wet themselves laughing when SK played D.I.S.C.O by Ottowan this morning?

Superb stuff, Rachel- I'm hiding behind the sofa in case The Moyles comes after me Laughing
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Rachel
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PostPosted: Thu May 31, 2007 8:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

PJ in Kent wrote:
Did anyone else nearly wet themselves laughing when SK played D.I.S.C.O by Ottowan this morning?

Superb stuff, Rachel- I'm hiding behind the sofa in case The Moyles comes after me Laughing


I did Laughing
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PostPosted: Thu May 31, 2007 8:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Episode 4


<JW> Eject! Eject! Eject!- watch the canopy!

Before Alex could ask, what does that mean Johnnie: he was floating gently downward toward a soggy looking cheese-mine slagheap. Luckily for young Alex and Johnnie, they were landing just a short walk away from Moon-base Charlie. A more wretched hive of broadcasting scum and villainy you’ll never come across. They landed :- knee deep in cheese cake…

<JW> we should be able to find an Aero Smith capable of repairing the Hog at Moon-base Charlie, young Alex. Let’s go, so we can fly away from here.

<BL> Moon-base Charlie?

<JW> oh yes, walk this way…. I sense you’re thinking about the Angel, I know she’s drop dead gorgeous, beyond beautiful but you gotta get her out of your head and kiss your past goodbye. Think about it, don’t be blinded by the three mile smile. Remember she’s crazy.

<BL> yeah but Johnnie , she gave me a lick and a promise, it was love in an elevator and I wanna know why?

<JW> Going down was she? Well you’re between a rock and a hard place, young Alex cos when push comes to shove, you’ll come together soon enough.

<BL> we will?

<JW> I’ve forseen it- but for now. We have man-stuff to do.

<BL> Well I don’t wanna miss a thing.

Johnnie and Alex set off wading through the cheese swamps towards Moon-base Charlie.

Back onboard the DLSS Drivetime the sausage transfer was complete. Captain Wogan was very happy: they’d bought so many sausages that they’d qualified for and been given a Flythrough Space-gift. Gather around everyone, we have a Flythrough Space Gift said Captain Wogan. A fairly large box for a free gift, about the size of a microwave oven. Maybe it’s a portable cooker, thought Captain Wogan; ahhh sausages on the move, he thought to himself; with mouth-watering lust he ripped open the packaging. It’s a :-

<CW> Ohhhhhh (sounding disappointed) All knowing Personal Computer!

<No1> Well let's ask it a question … ummm… I got one … when will I get the breakfast show?

<Nav 2> That’s not a computer: it’s a Perspex box with a string of lights in it. You’ve been ripped off.

<Nav1> well it’s very pretty. What does it do?

<PWO> You have to switch it on first: Look! put this little chunk of plastic in the top corner there, and bingo it all lights up!

<CW> it’s making a noise:- it’s talking to me!

<Nav2> Talking! More of a rarararrararararararararararararararararararararararararararar noise to me. OK so what is it saying?

<CW> says he’s called Orac and knows everything.

<Nav1> ooooh well that’s very clever.

<Nav2> Very clever! It’s a Perspex Box with few flashing lights! Come on, don’t fall for it!

<CW> hang on … he’s saying that he has an answer to No1’s question but we’re not going to like it.

<No1> what’s the answer? Tell us, tell us, tell us!

<CW> he says 42.

<No1> 42 what ? Listeners?

<CW> No! years old, you numpty…

<No1> oh ….

The conversation was interrupted by Captain Walker’s pan call. The bridge of Drivetime came alive with activity as everyone rushed back to their stations.

<CW> Status report!

<Nav2> We have a distress call from Captain Walker , he’s been shot down, over the abandon cheese mines on the dark side of the moon…. And …. Hang on ….. young Alex is with him…….

<CW> On screen, scan : open coms link

<Nav1> There’s their Hog Roaster upside down in a cheese marsh.

<CW> give me a Fat Larry

<Nav1> Zooming sir
<Nav2> Look footprints! They’re alive!

<CW> Nav 2 – do you still have your moon-rover in the cargo hold.

< Nav2> never leave home without it sir.

<CW> Cdr Bruce, Nav 2;

<Cdr B> Sir!
<Nav2> Sir!

<CW> (in his deepest American accent) Put on your gloves. This is a rescue mission. You’re going to the moon.

TBC……


Last edited by Rachel on Mon Jun 04, 2007 12:34 pm; edited 2 times in total
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PostPosted: Thu May 31, 2007 5:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Laughing Laughing Laughing

Loving it so far, Rachel!

"Give me a Fat Larry" Laughing Laughing
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 04, 2007 12:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Johnnie and Alex set off wading through the cheese swamps towards Moon-base Charlie, walking and talking.....



<JW> I have something for you young Alex.

Johnnie took out a small wooden box from his inside pocket.
<BL> what is it?

<JW> It was your father's - he always wanted you to have it. Go on- open it.

<BL> My father! I never knew my father.

<JW> just open the box Alex.

<BL> It's a Microphone! ... wow! My father was a Broadcaster?

<JW> Yes:- the finest broadcaster ever and a true gentleman.

<BL> What happened to my father?

<JW> he was tricked and betrayed by the Moyles :- his listening figures were manipulated by RAJAR and he faded into obscurity .

<BL> oh!

<JW> but with this Microphone young Alex you too can become a great broadcaster and finally meet your Angel.

<BL> tell me about the Angel Johnnie: who is she?

<JW> The Angel young Alex, is everywhere, you can see her, feel her, touch her, in everything that you do, she is your wildest dream and your worst nightmare, your hearts desire and everything you dislike in the world, she is everything and she is nothing. The Angel is different for all of us, the microphone...... this microphone, is the only way into her world. Use it wisely for she never misses a word.

<BL> but who is the Angel?

<JW> Angel? ... oh she isn't any one person young Alex, she is whoever you choose: for the angel is the Anonymous Numbered Generic Everyday Listener. She is your creation. She's the One you broadcast to and this Microphone is her ear.


A noise from behind a cheese dune let Johnnie and Alex know that they weren't alone on the Moon. Before they could take out their microphones they were surrounded by RAJAR Marketeers. Johnnie and Alex were beamed up to the BGS ( Bad Guy's Ship) Interference to be greeted by The Moyles himself.

<TM> so we meet again Walker.

<JW> looks that way Moylesy

<TM> that is no longer a name that I recognise :- you'd do well to remember that.:- Take him away!

Johnnie was dragged away to an uncertain destination.Young Alex, took out his microphone and switched it on.

<TM> ah the boy has spirit. Old Johnnie has taught you well young Alex but you're not a broadcaster yet. Old Johnnie never told you what happened to your father did he?

<BL> he told me enough - he told me that you tricked and betrayed him, fiddled his RAJAR count and then he faded into obscurity.

<TM> No young Alex , search your feelings; I am, your father! Come with me young Alex, I will complete your training, we can rule the airwaves as father and son.

<BL> never! .. I'll never join you!

<TM> Don't be too hasty my young Broadcaster. You will join us, or you will go to commercial radio.........Perhaps after you meet RAJAR you will think differently....... take him away! Alex was dragged away..........

Meanwhile the rescue mission was in full swing...

Cdr Bruce and Cdr Bowles were in the moon-rover with a ticket to the moon on their way to the cheesy satellite in the midnight blue sky.

<CDR Bruce> ah I feel like King of the Universe up here.

<Cdr Bowles> I know what you mean Kenny . I feel like I could take on the whole of the Moyles myself.....

<Cdr Bruce> I just hope we get there in time, if the Moyles get to them first it will be Destination Unknown......

Back on board the DLSS Drivetime, Captain Wogan was heading for his afternoon nap.

<CW> You have the Bridge No1, But no Warp Driving tracks and keep the noise down..

<No1> Ok he's gone.

<Lt Kay> Sausages and Beachboys Sir?

< No!> I don't want sausages or Beachboys- :- give me some Meatloaf baby..........

Cdr Evans in a voice that was a Dead Ringer for Capatin Wogan said

<No1> Nav 1 - Warpdrive 11.......<pause for effect> Engage......


( I'm on holiday for the next two weeks so this is the last episode until I get back to work- I'll be around at home for the next few days, packing etc, before jetting off on Friday.... so I'll pop in now and again for general chitchat before I go:)
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PJ in Kent



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PostPosted: Mon Jun 04, 2007 6:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Still loving it Rachel Laughing

Have a good holiday Cool
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2007 5:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Don't think that I've forgotten about finishing this off folks:- cos I haven't. I've just been on holiday for a little longer than planned is all... but I'm back in the swivel chair, with the view of the 3rd floor, from Monday at 07:30. Very Happy So a day or so to remind myself where everything is, you know.....coffee machine, canteen, sandwich bar etc and oh yes what I'm supposesd to be doing between coffee breaks and I'll get going again.....
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 2:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The straps holding Captain Wogan into his bed strained under the acceleration from the standing start to warp 11, so much so that they snapped. Captain Wogan rolled out of bed then fell to the deck with the sort of sound that occurs when a snail is trodden on accidentally in a garden, only with more of a squidgy sound. A muffled moan ensued. CW hauled himself to his feet then took off his blindfold and ear muffs. After a few moments to acclimatised himself to his new resting place CW realised what had happened. CW boiling mad, was just about to head for the Bridge when he realised that he was still in his Pudsey jimjams. Blast! I'll have to get changed he thought to himself. I'll never get any respect on the Bridge if they find out I wear Pudsey jimjams....

Meanwhile...

on the bridge of the DLSS Drivetime.... the R2 I-Con ( yep she's in this story too) was on screen on the emergency enkryptavidlink requesting an update. ..

<I-Con> Ah Commander Evans :- I'm surprised to see you in the chair - where is Captain Wogan?

<No1> Ma'am,..... how lovely to see you, Captain Wogan is... er...( No1 looking over his left shoulder noticed that the lift coming button was illuminated) Captain Wogan is.... coming up! Nav 1...... slow down to impulse. ...quietly.........

<Nav 1> slowing down sir......... Beachboys.... in my room....

<I-Con> Well I don't have time to wait- we've had a ransom demand from RAJAR for Captain Walker and young Alex. The Moyles have them both but worse than that, The Moyles also has, "The Microphone", although they may not know it. The upshot is we need to hand over 3 million listeners or they're going to release Captain Walker and young Alex into an area known as Deep Space Nine.

<No1> but Captain Walker and Alex are on the moon?

<I-Con> where have you been Commander Evans? Have you been reading my reports?

<No1> erm ... y...

<CW> Warp Driving! I leave the Bridge for 40 winks and he goes warp driving......I can't believe it! Is it me?

<No1> Sausages sir?

<CW> You won't get round me with a pound of sausages you hoon........... hang on, what sort are they?

<No1> Cumberland Sir , just up from the catering deck. Lovely and warm, if a little crispy on the ends.

<CW> Crispy ends huh........well ok then let me into my chair and we'll hear no more about it. Now, who is this blonde wench on my screen?

<No1> It's the boss, Captain - the R2 I-Con.

<CW> Ah Ma'am there you are........

The BGS Interference speeding to destination unknown for a rendezvous with RAJAR, had young Alex and Johnnie held deep within its sinister belly on secure accommodation deck 19B cells 27C and 27D. Surprisingly the Moyles hadn't recognised "The Microphone" so it was still with young Alex in his back pocket......Alex heard a familiar moan from the other side of his cell although he couldn't quite place it........a few moments later as his eyes became accustomed to the dark, Alex could see a large figure through the darkness. It was... No.... surely not ... It can't be thought Alex. But with three chilling words the large figure confirmed all of Alex's worst fears.

<NE> Blobby blobby blobby!

It was Mr Blobby complete with Noel Edmunds inside........
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RockitRon



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PostPosted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 2:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think somebody is guilty of having watched Ant & Dec on Saturday! Shocked

(Me too - couldn't believe my eyes and ears, and switched off when the Pink 'un came on)
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 2:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Otherwise, great to have this latest chapter! Smile
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 2:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh I didn't see that Evil or Very Mad ... I was thinking who haven't I heard of for a while.....it was a toss up between Mr Blobby and Keith Chegwin ... I can do more with Mr Blobby... so there he is....

Tis good to be back in the chair..... Very Happy
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 07, 2008 1:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

one of my (two) New Year Resolutions is to finish off this story ( if it's the last thing I do!) So brace yourselves for the next instalment later this/maybe next week. I'm still warming up... Smile
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 2:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I said I would and I always do what I say... .....eventually .. except for that one time when in exchange for the loan of a car( I really needed a car there and then) I promised a guy a....... well never mind what I promised him ... ..... I bought him lunch instead........ so to carry on with this epic adventure.. ( I've had to read it a couple of times to catch-up- did I really write this nonsense- what was I thinking?) Anyway the world has moved on but the story hasn't so it's time to catch up.........

back on the bridge of the DLSS Drivetime.......

<I-con> I'm coming aboard Captain Wogan, this situation with The Moyles is something I want to handle myself. Standby for transfer.

Gasps from all around the bridge.

The I-con had never previously visited the Flagship in flight. Feverish activity followed.

<Nav 1> The I-con is coming here!

<CW> quick .. hide all the sausages - to your stations everyone.. you know the rules - no food or drink on the bridge...... where's the flight plan No1 ?

<No1> Flight plan sir? .. we don't have one, we're just flying casual..

<CW> well make it look like we have a plan! She'll be here any moment.

Swishy door noise....

<I-con> ....and here she is Captain Wogan...

<CW>Ma'am , there you are, looking as lovely as ever, do come in, welcome aboard. Would you like my chair?

<I-con> I wouldn't dream of it Captain Wogan.

<CW> I would offer you a drink Ma'am, and something to nibble on but you know the rules about food on the bridge.

<I-con> maybe later Captain Wogan, for now we have to get Alex and Johnnie back...

The I-con took a few deep breaths and frowned.

<CW> something the matter ma'am?

<I-con> can any of you smell sausages?

<PWO> No

<No1> Nooo

<Nav1> No ma'am

<Lt Kay> That'll be me Ma'am - I've just come up from the catering deck.

<I-con> Nav1 .. get a lock on the BGS Interference and set course-7, warp-5, battle-plan level-9 for a direct confrontation: we're going head to head with a Full English Broadcast- those sausages may yet come in handy....

<CW> A Full English Broadcast ma'am ? but how .. how can we do that?

< I-con> we're gonna beat the Moyles at his own game and eat him under the table Captain Wogan- he'll be begging for mercy long before we've dipped our bread in. You've heard of Radcliff and Maconni ?

<CW> yes ma'am - that pair of clowns on in the late evening, way after my bed-time.

<I-con> well gird your loins for Breakfast with Evans and Wogan- two studios, two shows- one Big Broadcast .....

TBC......
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 3:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I can't bear to listen... look... wait... Very Happy
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 11:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

<Nav1> How is that going to work?!

The I-con took a deep breath......

<I-con> I hoped you might ask that.... well just imagine not one but two live shows broadcast simultaneously on the same channel, using time division multiplexing ( Time sliced) each of them overlaid separately on the same underlying show music itinerary but, and here's the clever bit, the outgoing Broadcast flips from one show to the other between tracks.... so you get two live-shows at the same time. The presenters won't know if they're going out or not, they just do their normal live show..... the people will love it! .... The Wogan fans can put the kettle on while Evans is talking and visa versa ... so everybody missies some parts of both shows ( they all do that now anyway- so they'll download the pod-cast to catch the bits they missed) ..For the real die-hard fans, the pod-casts will be recorded individually for each of the live shows, so will allow people to catch up with the bits of the live-shows they missed while the other show was going out or cos they just missed a bit.... so two live shows, two sets of listeners, two pod casts... one set of Ratings!!!! Bingo! ....

<No1> How cool is that!?

<CW> Ma'am.... Is it me? I don't understand but it sounds fun ...

<I-con> not only that we're gonna double up on all the other show slots too .. we don't call this Radio Two for nothing; we'll have Ken and Alex on the for The Big Broadcast Brunch- then the Two Jezzas .. Vine and Clarkson doing their stuff ....

<Nav1> You mean Jezza Clarkson is coming to Radio 2?..

<I-con> yep ... he's way to bald now for TV work ... he practically begged me to give him a show.... so: who's the daddy?!

<All> you are ma'am!

<I-con> Oh yes: while I remember this is "Top Secret- R2 eyes only"... so tell nobody.......I don't want to hear tales of this being posted on any listener message boards... and that's a three liner!

< I-con> get the sausages out, we all need something to chew on..........Nav 1 get me The Moyles on the comms link ... we're gonna blow him so far out of the water, RAJAR will go into melt-down and The Moyles ...... well: ......he'll be begging for Phil Jupitus look-alike stand-in gigs after this.......... No1 ....

<No 1> yes ma'am?

<I-con> we need the entire team back here ..... ASAP.... I'll get Alex and Johnnie.... the rest of em ... it's down to you........


TBC....
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 28, 2008 1:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Cdr Sally brought the ship to a steady cruise at impulse 2, directly in front of the BGS Interference. The comms link opened, the screen woke up and there almost as if he were staring directly at the I-con was The Moyles.

<I-con> Cdr Mo - make ready the Big Broadcast.

<TM> Ah if it isn't the R2 I-con herself - come to look at a proper Radio Station have you "ma'am" or are you just doing the decent thing and going down with your ship?

< I-con> Nice try lover boy - you have something of mine - I'm here to collect them...

<TM> if you refer to that pair of talent less has-beens in my hold - they're scheduled for re-programming as Commercial Radio Ad backing singers.... ha ha ha..........

<I-con> I see. Well I'll just have to direct Cdr Mo to press his big button .......

<TM> You're bluffing- we read all about the Big Broadcast on a message board ... it's not possible.......however: I always have a eye for a bargain.... maybe we can do a deal...

<I-con> A deal?....... Go on...

<TM> well you can have your two jocks back if you drop this Big Broadcast idea.

<I-con> deal! Drop your shields.

The I-con turned to Cdr Sally ......

<I-con> biomass transfer Alex and Johnnie back here now!........ ...

Alex and Johnnie arrived in a pile of gloop along with an unexpected arrival: Mr Blobby had inadvertently been transferred at the same time.....

<I-con> No1!

< No1> yes ma'am?

< I-con> do we have Cdrs Bowles and Bruce back yet?

<No1> 10 seconds Ma'am....

< I-con> excellent....

The I-con took her hands from behind her back uncrossed her fingers and said..

<I-con> Cdr Mo ... on the count of ten ... The Big Broadcast.

<PWO> yes ma'am.... This is what I was borne for

<I-con> ten ... nine ... eight... seven... six..... five....

The Moyles looked stunned at the deception he had just witnessed......
<I-con> four.... three.... two.... one... The Big Broadcast - < pause for effect> ......I've always wanted to say this.....Engage.

The instantaneous on-line RAJAR Report showed the listening figures for The Moyles plummeting. The Moyles still on screen and stealing the bucket of water on the Witch scene from the Wizard of Oz started to melt ......

<TM> help I'm melting... how could you do this to a fellow Broadcaster...

<I-con> first of all - I'm not a Broadcaster- I'm a C7000 Managerial Robot Droid - Generic Human( Female) and secondly; did you not learn anything at school? When a girl has her hands behind her back - you should assume that she has her fingers crossed, and thirdly: ..... read my T-shirt.....

The I-con's T-shirt: in tiny font size 8 lettering ..... You can never trust any animal that bleeds for five days and doesn't die...

<I-con> so you have no one to blame other than yourself; in any case after your appearance on Clarkson's limo show.. you deserve it.....


TBC.....
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