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Alex Lester- The Dark Lord Diaries
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RockitRon



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PostPosted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 11:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Aw, Rachel. It's even less fun having flu on your own on a day like this; I think someone should come in every hour or so to give you a hug and top up the Lemsip ((((Rachel))))

I heard the first half of the show this morning, having inexplicably woken up at half two and then couldn't drop off again.

How to show off on a BMX bike that drops its chain and dumps you in the mud while mashing the crown jewels in one easy lesson... How to say How Much? in Turkish - comes out sounding like cack... The unwelcome surprise that is a caterpillar in your salad - I think I'll let my wasp fly...
and then you learn that the official who points out the environmental dangers of eating meat is a vegetarian - now there is a surprise.

Today's dilemma was perhaps too real-life for people to make fun of. You have a date to meet your partner at a specific time but you're in the pub with friends/colleagues drinking and enjoying yourself. Do you stay for one more and be late, and how do you get out of trouble if you do? We're too well-behaved for that sort of caper.

I hope that sign is in indelible ink and well stuck on, Rach. Actually I've just read the article - let's hope it's a repeat of the turn-of-the-millenium computer meltdown that never materialised.
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 10, 2008 8:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh thank you Ron and LEE ..... Very Happy

Fresh back from the Mothership- my place of safety from the End of the World Experiment. I’m surprised the earth is still here at all. However: that could mean that it is as I suspected all along- today is just the press day – a bit of noise and some flashing lights but no real science going on- they were never going to switch it on properly while the press are sniffing around.

On today’s show there was a kind of end of the world/weather related thread :- it is never going to stop raining but don’t worry – the Ark ( Alex’s Ark) that will save us all: well actually just two of us- (I didn’t make up the rules), is already built – all you have to do is fill it with things that we should save. So what two items or duo would you choose to put in the Ark? Assuming that I am the chosen women and Alex is the chosen man – there’s a duo the world waits for(Look I’ll need someone to listen to.) My two items would be a Potato Peeler and a Rolling Pin- they do say that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, so with those two items I’d be well placed to make Pasties, Pies and Chips. What man could resist my pies? In like a dirty shirt!

Unwelcome visitors – The Wasp, the Energy Efficient Light Bulb and the Tweezers …. That could be a book Ron….Smile I note some of the other listeners thought you wimped out. Laughing

A SMT Racing team Update from Brands Hatch… it was wet.

Have you ever tried to barter or haggle in a UK shop?

Yeah all the time … I always suggest they knock off the pence in any cash transaction over £5… some do .. some don’t, usually small retailers like the butchers and bakers do … but if they have a computerised till – forget it!

Another hero from the letters page – “I’d rather be a tanned corpse than pasty white and alive”

Oh this is slightly late but it was this thread’s Bicentennial post yesterday –woohoo! Oh you missed the fireworks. So in the truest tradition we should probably build a tower to celebrate! “Tower Lester” Now where is that lego? Cos I’m still feeling pretty rough ( worse than yesterday actually but not as tired) I’ll make something with lego later( if I have the energy and dexterity) then post a pic when I’m feeling better. I’ve got dressed today but only because I’m expecting a parcel – yesterday, two Jehovah witnesses (other religions are available) came to the door with a little booklet – polite though they were, the look on their faces conveyed a sense of shock at my being stood there wrapped in nothing more than my Yoga blanket. I’m feeling woozy ( not the golfer) so I’m off for a lay down……
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 10, 2008 9:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Rachel wrote:
Oh thank you Ron and LEE ..... Very Happy

On today’s show there was a kind of end of the world/weather related thread :- it is never going to stop raining but don’t worry – the Ark ( Alex’s Ark) that will save us all

Does that mean he's getting homesick (or should that be seasick?!) for the Baloo Pig?
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RockitRon



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PostPosted: Wed Sep 10, 2008 11:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Morning (won't be by the time I've finished) Rach, LEE and all

Rachel wrote:
My two items would be a Potato Peeler and a Rolling Pin- they do say that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, so with those two items I’d be well placed to make Pasties, Pies and Chips. What man could resist my pies?


No man! I'd also take a potato peeler, and a non-stick frying pan (in fact I always make sure I pack those whenever we go anywhere self-catering because what they supply is unusable (what a good job there isn't a smiley that yawns when you come to reply).

Rachel wrote:
Unwelcome visitors – The Wasp, the Energy Efficient Light Bulb and the Tweezers …. That could be a book Ron….Smile I note some of the other listeners thought you wimped out. Laughing


He made it sound much better than I thought it would - didn't alter anything either. I am a wimp - spiders no problem, pick them up by the leg, but hear a wasp and I'm usually out of the door. My wife has a burly cousin who squashes them with his forefinger without getting stung - the knack must be in the timing - and my grandmother used to stroke bees.

Rachel wrote:
Another hero from the letters page – “I’d rather be a tanned corpse than pasty white and alive”


As good as "I'd rather be a sparrow than a snail" - they're both eaten by the French.

I'll remember that tactic next time the Suited Ones come to call here - that will be a surprise!

Told you - it is after noon!
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 11, 2008 8:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good morning everyone.

Good news! Yesterday, Richard Allinson gave me some advice; as a result, I’m feeling much better today; I hope you all feel as good as I do, although still sounding much like a sand grinder, I’m happy to report a much improved state of health. More good news! The celebratory Lego Bicentennial Tower (Tower Lester), mentioned yesterday, has been completed as part of my recovery programme, one minor flaw–ette however, is that early during the construction phase, the plans for an impressive tower were superseded by a more sedate but ultimately much simpler and more fun ….. lego Bicentennial Helicopter.( If I get around to it I’ll take and post a picture of it later)

Ah yes LEE the Baloo Pig – the Canal Boat on which Alex lived for many years. I’ll ask him if he misses that. Maybe looking back, he’ll remember the long hazy sunny afternoons unwinding with a pint of Stella on the sun deck, but I still have vivid memories of the laughter Alex caused with his middle of the night Duck quacking tales, and having to wee on the metal locks to gain entry to his floating abode on those cold winter mornings, and of course the restricted head room in the boat generally, not to mention the restricted foot room in the bed. I still have my Best Time of the Day Show “Action Pen” with a model of the Baloo Pig , although the oil which provided the fluid motion for the “action” part has long since leaked out, leaving the Baloo Pig beached on a pen sand bank.

Stroking bees Ron… blimey. What is it about non-stick frying pans? … we have three frying pans, two stainless steel ones and one non-stick one which I use for everything because every time I use the pretty stainless steel ones, what ever it is I’m cooking, ends up stuck to the bottom – how did the world cope before Teflon?

On today’s show….

The Ark Lord… more duos lining up to enter Alex’s Ark…. Laurel and Hardy, Bono and The Edge, The Proclaimers. ( Make sure there’s a plank on board). The Les Dawson memorial gag society suggests - Two Mother in Laws as the Fog Horns and Target Practice for the two dart players.

When cool turns to stupid- more of those show off stories – The Commando Sports Day blush….

What’s the point of Mascots? Well they give you someone to blame and shout at when it all goes badly wrong- they just soak it up silently. I have some teddies J

The free word of the week service continues….”How much”? In Urdu –it sounds like kisquda, but that spelling could be way off the mark. Yesterday’s Turkish effort met with some disapproval and corrective action from a fluent listener….
Letters page hero…weather complainers – “calling occupants of cemeteries everywhere” …. Queue here to swap places……The idea has merit.

A new name for the Cern Particle Accelerator ? ….. I think we should call it Maud for having so much in common with my first mother-in-law.

More haggling…..

And the Ramones too --- woohoo!
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RockitRon



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PostPosted: Thu Sep 11, 2008 10:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Morning, Rachel Smile

Glad to hear you're better (what did he advise, for future reference?). There's a girl continuity announcer on BBC2 who sounds as if she has a permanent sore throat, but it's quite... erm... sexy. I'll stop there, I think.

The Baloo Pig - sounds like the stuff that Children In Need CDs are made of (would make a change from Wogan's Janet & John stories which have just got a bit too....)

How did we cope before Teflon? Dark brown scrambled egg and hours of scrubbing with a revolting Brillo pad. Oh, sorry, it was a rhetorical question.

Football mascots (the sort that dress up in goofy costumes and get in the way of everybody on the touchline) deserve all the abuse they get. I didn't see it all but yesterday's One Show had the story of a bear which was mascot for a Polish Army unit in WWII, and who grew so close to them that he was more than just a big furry companion and ended up at the front, carrying supplies etc.

This experiment doesn't apparently get into full swing until close to Christmas. On past history Christmas is not a good time to be mucking about, and we've already had three earthquakes reported.

Another outing for the Funk Brothers as well.
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 11, 2008 11:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Gin! Smile

Ah yes Ron, the Baloo Pig was the source of much mirth and merriment in the old days at Pebble Mill. A story could be written around that..... thinking...... Smile

The husky voice – funny you should say that but the man delivering my parcel yesterday – chatted for ages, which was unusual, maybe it was my husky voice.

Hmmmmm. The problem with these particular scientists is they are not explorers like all good scientists should be; they seem focused on trying to prove their own theories. They would dismiss any suggestion that they could have caused the earthquakes yesterday because that wouldn’t line up with the way they believe the laws of physics interact with each other. They should keep a more open yet cautious mind –creative though the God Particle is, messing with it, is not recommended for in the ill informed, its powers are more destructive than the human imagination is vast. Take it from me, I’m an Angel.

The Bicentennial Jellychopter is below…










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RockitRon



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PostPosted: Thu Sep 11, 2008 12:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Gin, of course, how could I be so thick!

Wow, I can see why the cop has got a smile on his face. Having such a beautiful machine to sit in Very Happy
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 12, 2008 3:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

For the record...

(I know I can't do it nearly as well as Rach but the joke at the end is worth it, so stick with me)

Mascots... what are they good for?... trucker has a teddy wearing a cape for good luck... That might be the end of that one.

The Ark has turned away Simon Cowell and Louis Walsh.

Blubberwatch has ground to a halt, possibly because the metabolism has adjusted itself to the new routine. All sorts of medical opinion phoned in, the concensus being that he should binge/eat normally for a couple of days and then go back to fasting. (By the way, every single week the women's weekly magazine that my wife buys has on the cover "Lose 10lbs in a fortnight/Drop 7lbs in a week" and variations on the same theme. I reckon they'd have more success with "Put a stone on without really trying")

Signs of a change in the weather (he's obviously feeling the chill that emanates permanently from Moscow these days)... Furry slippers and the smell of mothballs... Blue Peter says it's time for Flash the tortoise to be put in the airing cupboard.

Today's letters page hero - "As we're in the EU all our rubbish should be dropped over Mt Etna". A non-sequitur if ever I heard one.

When Bears Attack. It was thought you're safe with Brown ones (!) but what do you do when confronted by a Grizzly? Bear spray? Wear a barcode and expired use-by sticker so it might look for something fresher?

None of these. What you need is a pair of binoculars, some tweezers and a matchbox. Look through the wrong end of the binoculars, pick it up with the tweezers and put it in the matchbox. Laughing Well I thought it was funny.

Have a fun weekend, everyone!
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 9:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh thanks Ron- I think yours are just the ticket Cool … I’m not going to be doing Diary updates this week Crying or Very sad (I know that you’re all gutted with that news- but it may just knock Lehman’s and inflation from the headlines) – maybe not next week either as I have a problem with my wrists, and the mild pain that ensues any typing activity of such length as to cause the aforementioned pain. (About 2 minutes worth) Remember early last week? I was thrilled with my new Rollerblades but disappointed that a nasty cold/flu like contraction rendered them a postponed activity- a mere dream. Well the period of postponement came to a much-debated close on Sunday – when, against all advice from others in my household, I took to the road wearing my new rollerblades along with about three hundredweight of PPE (Personal Protective Equipment). All went well until I decided to try a half twist jump manoeuvre. (Forward to backward motion in one neat little jump) This did not go well. The subsequent board of enquiry’s investigation has pointed the finger of blame quite firmly on the non-removal of the brake on the rear of the right Rollerblade. Anyone with intent to jump about on blades knows that the brakes are lethal when going backwards, so remove them before any such activity. In my excitement, I forgot, and therein lies the cause of my not one but two sprained wrists and a bruised bottom. On the upside, although sympathy is in short supply here at home, I am excused peeling potatoes for a few days. So you see it’s not that I’m not listening, have lost interest, or that there is nothing to report on the Best Time of The Day Show- far from it. It’s just with this little note having taken since yesterday morning (off and on) to type, fulfilling my usual endeavour would take longer than I have in each day…..

What happened yesterday at 3am? Was it the boys at Cern again?
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 1:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

For a moment I thought John Cage's 4'33" had been added to the R2 Playlist (there are those who might say it would improve it) but then the system took its chance to play Steve Winwood.

So producer Simon had a week on the Isle of Wight (last week Andy was doubling up, doing both Alex and Johnnie Walker). I was speaking to a friend who had gone down there for the Bestival the weekend before last - she took her teenage son, for the music, but she herself was interested in the comedy. Unfortunately the mud was up to 5ft deep, not helped by the fact the site is on a hill, and the comedy stage couldn't perform.

Rachel, that little accident sounds horrific and we're extremely grateful for the PPE. Who needs peeled potatoes anyway? - they're great in their skins/jackets. Take it easy - we may experience terrible withdrawal symptoms but they're as nothing compared to your bruised... pride - and come back to full BTOTD mode just when you're ready. Smile
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 8:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

In loco Rachelis...

As I couldn't sleep last night, actually caught the whole of the show as it happened. Considering the amount of music played, and the plugs he has to play every 20mins for the likes of SW, CE etc, he gets through an awful lot.

Some threads work better than others. Someone had been especially cordial towards him in Reception, so he asked if it had happened to anyone else and to speculate on the reason why, but truckers, all night workers and insomniacs obviously don't come across Nice.

Correspondent Tom Dors will be pleased to know he played the original version of Gimme Some Loving (at about 3.30 if he wants to check).

Things we've forgotten how to do, over the passage of time or now computers do it all for us... there was the bloke who now works in a bakery reminiscing about plotting the "bending moments" of steel bars in an earlier life... Dave from Newcastle who's forgotten all the road numbers because he just follows the arrows on his sat nav (fine as long as he perms the right Newcastle from the four (at least) in the satnav chip).

The phrase for "I'm hungry" in Mandarin is "zhier", but only if you're being posh, otherwise it's "er".

Although it's mid-September it's dark by half past seven we're trying to keep the holiday season feeling alive. Go into shops, ask what things cost, then leave without buying anything... or undercook your dinner, serve it on a cold plate then wash it down with a warm beer...

The Umbrella has been with us in more or less the same form for centuries, and we feel it is in need of improvement, especially as they are often so flimsy and get lost or left around. Making them of carbon fibre might strengthen them... the police version would be solid to double up as a nightstick, the civilian version hollow and filled with sweets. A built-in light-box, headlamps, or GPS, to detect where it isn't raining, might help, as would a spinning version that sprays the raindrops onto everyone else, rather than dripping down your legs. I wasn't convinced by the chap who thought that a hat was a good umbrella; the alternative suggestion of a car was much better - and much safer than a steel-spiked golfing umbrella in a thunderstorm. As with everything these days there should be a Brolly Safety Campaign... Bono has been quiet lately and might be persuaded to front it - keep the punters appetite whetted for the (delayed) new album.

And then he was gone, dropping Sarah and Music To Watch Girls By on us. That did the trick: Zzzzzzz
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 1:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Cool beans! Thanks Ron. Smile ..... I've listened to the show in fits and starts today.... .....

Ah the old umbrella - Alex has a thing about those at the moment ( must be a secret code).... I thought they all cost between about £5 for a good one, and £1.99 for a market stall one but no....

Remember I took my daughter shopping to Poole a few weeks ago... when we...( I say we... I mean I) bought her a new case... we looked all over (she wanted a pink one) they ranged from £20 ish in Primark to £50 ish in various proper shops ... then we went to Beals - a kind of posh department store --- well they think they are. In there they had some pink cases of the kind we mere mortals only dream about …... but they were in the sale... so we got her a really nice one with 60-% off for £35 Bingo! ... She was well chuffed. Stay with it - I'm getting there.... while in Beals - I noticed the umbrellas, not because I'm observant but because they were right next to the cases ... err " luggage" ... anyway they had some umbrellas there for near £40! I had to have look, blimey these things did everything for you- up and down – the lot! They didn’t look that well made though. That’s kind of it really. Umbrellas are relatively new in the world of keeping rain off – in the old days my Gran used to wear a plastic headscarf, leaving both hands free to carry the shopping. With cars going out of fashion, we may return to something similar in the near future. I’d be a big fan of those school swimming hats – remember those? Forcing your head into a small elastic bag – they’d be ideal for rainy days and would keep both hands free – they’d also be jolly handy for those people in a soft top car – protection against a sudden downpour as well as general protection from the wind. Dragons Den here we come…. We need a catchy name for it…. Well it looks like a giant condom but does the works of an umbrella so that would make it an Umcon, or Brelladon, or maybe Conbrella?… Yes I like that – the latest winter-fashion must-have, the Conbrella Rain Hat from Speedo……
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 22, 2008 8:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Houston – we have right wrist recovery.
Engage one-handed typing profile.

Another week – and another five shows.. woohoo!

This morning - : sporting terminology and ridiculous rules- all of which are there simply to set apart those who play or talk about the sport from those others whom remain casual observers. Oh yes, take any sport, strip away the rules and fancy words, and you’re left with a simple – quite often pointless pursuit.
Golf! Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden- just to get one in the back door first. Going down the back nine looking for a Birdie , thought it was an Eagle, turned out to be an Albatross. Go on my son dip your bread in , right down the middle- don’t worry about the yolk.

Football. A team of eleven all wearing the same outfit (apart from the lazy one at the back). They all have different positional names (right back , left back, centre forward, up front- sometimes though they become defence or attack or midfield) but then they all move around. What’s the point of that? The ball can be good or bad but sometimes, it can be a corner, a cross, even a penalty, maybe a throw. The tackle – you see, now it could be talking fishing but no, this kind of tackle can be good, bad, high or sliding from the rear in the box, becoming a penalty. Don’t show me those studs boys. You can give a penalty away – take a penalty and score a penalty, which then becomes a goal; you can miss a penalty, which becomes the chance you didn’t take. A game – sometimes called a match, can be tight, friendly, good or bad but always in two halves. Putting all the rules to one side, the most important thing is to get out there and win. Come on lads-it’s not a big ask- just burry it!

Word of the week in five fantastic languages is “Toilet”….. try the iplayer for lesson one in Polish….

All of that with great music and much much more on the best time of the day show….
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RockitRon



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PostPosted: Tue Sep 23, 2008 8:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Laughing Can't wait for him to get stuck into cricket. Might take all three hours.
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 23, 2008 8:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

This morning, more delving into the unnecessary complexities of the sporting world…

Does a “chip and charge” in Tennis come with a PIN?

The rules (laws) of Cricket are like the hokey-cokey danced in a home for the bewildered.
Is it fast, slow, a seamer, a spinner, a bouncer or the googly – no he’s pitched it long, and by gum that’s a Yorker. Silly mid on, silly mid off, second slip , third slip , bat and pad, caught and bowled, 12th man, not out, in the covers, oh no! He’s hooked it and gone square leg. LBW, run out, caught behind or just plain old bowled, out for a duck:-he’s walking.

Have you been to a concert or a night out, perhaps a holiday? Which defining moment was worth the price of the tickets alone?

For me that would my last trip to Rome (a few years ago now) and the little ice-cream shop – picture the scene:- baking heat, sat alone under a tree, on a marble bench-seat, overlooking the ancient ruins, whilst eating the most delicious ice-cream I’ve ever tasted. Then a beautiful voice said “Scusarmi la signora, questo è un'area privata, lei partirà ora soddisfarà.” Which translates roughly into you shouldn’t be here- you must leave now. …I did wonder why with all the crowds nobody else has had found this great little “viewing area”

Check out the iplayer for today’s word of the week in Turkish

Hanging around the stage door to see your musical idol! Who do I know that would do that?

The letters page hero writes about the ravages of time, sun and silicone catching up on the mighty epitome of the Blonde Bimbo at the age of only 41.
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 24, 2008 10:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just time for a quickie today….

It’s in the news!

French Power! Le Onion Power Plant is on-line. Do French Power-stations smell of garlic? Will the Meter Readers’ uniforms consist of a striped shirt and Beret? Will they travel by bike, and carry a string of Onions over the handlebars? Are French Onion-Men a secret order of ancient monks, sworn to defend the architectural plans for the dodgy moustache? Could this thread be any more stereotypical? Tune in to the next episode to find out…..

Now that the British Power companies are owned by the French , will the call centres be here in the UK?

More perfect moments- worth the price of the tickets alone.

Also, there’s not enough love about the place. Pairing off celebs for just a little bit of connubial bliss! For whom would you play Cupid? Opposites attract or do they?

The great debate of the week, is Scotch Egg V Pork Pie.

More of those sporting jargon complexities blown into the weeds, then sent for an early bath. Their shower may be golden but it won’t be one of glory, they weren’t big enough for the job, we didn’t see the best of them, they just didn’t step up to the mark. It was too big an ask. It’s all over! It is now.

Word of week …check out the iplayer for “Toilet” in Mandarin and some foreign extra! She’s made up like a stolen van!

There are no Berets in France- apparently. ... Smile
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RockitRon



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PostPosted: Wed Sep 24, 2008 3:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Rachel wrote:

The great debate of the week, is Scotch Egg V Pork Pie.


Rumour has it, he enjoyed both. Well, enjoyed might be too strong a description - like a pizza, half way through it's like eating an old shed. How true. Won't do his Thursday Blubberwatch much good, though.
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 25, 2008 8:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Another day and another fun packed three hours of unmissable morning madness crammed into a few of my poorly put together sentences, all for your delight and delectation ….

On this morning’s show…

Curious dad logic? Those unfathomable reasons your dad would give to you instead of just saying no. Poor Neil (the Producer) was a refused a Chopper because his dad said, if he braked, he’d fly though the handlebars.

My dad wouldn’t take us to the new leisure centre at Whitley Bay because, he said – we’d be sucked into the wave machine and never seen again… happy enough for us to swim in the sea though….

Blackpool Pleasure Beach – “can we go on the Revolution dad? Oh please go on dad, let us will ya? Apparently our heads would explode if we did because of “upside down pressure” …..


Hidden Agendas – when friends invite you around for a barbeque, you get there to discover, you have to help them lay the patio first…..

Or when a sleepover, is really a budget house removal…

Lots more of those, “Yes!” moments…..and day four of the helpful, Toilet, in five languages course. Check out the iplayer to make sure you’re not left tying a knot in it….

That’s it for another week folks … you know how it is … I don’t (can’t) do Fridays or weekends on this thread, but Alex does- so don’t forget to set your alarm for 0:300 ......

Quick quiz......

which film?

"You don't have to go home but you can't stay here"
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 25, 2008 9:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Rachel wrote:


Curious dad logic?... My dad wouldn’t take us to the new leisure centre at Whitley Bay because, he said – we’d be sucked into the wave machine and never seen again… happy enough for us to swim in the sea though….

Blackpool Pleasure Beach – “can we go on the Revolution dad? Oh please go on dad, let us will ya? Apparently our heads would explode if we did because of “upside down pressure” …..


Travel back in time with me (well I was a child of the 50s) and for Whitley Bay Leisure Centre read Ruislip Lido and the reason that the tide had gone out.

We must have also been the only kids taken to Blackpool (at age about 10) and denied a ride on the Grand National because we wouldn't be able to see over the fences.


Rachel wrote:
Hidden Agendas – when friends invite you around for a barbeque, you get there to discover, you have to help them lay the patio first…..


I seriously thought, after buying my first house and planning a house-warming, of going upmarket and having a Garden Party, and getting everyone to muck in and clear the jungle which the previous owners had allowed to grow between my making the offer to buy and completion.


Rachel wrote:
Quick quiz......

which film?

"You don't have to go home but you can't stay here"


Nope. I've even tried cheating...
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 7:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Understudy's bit, delayed by a tin of paint that wouldn't do what it said on it (cover in one).

On EU-standardised Feel Good Friday we were encouraged to think off all things fluffy, like little white clouds in a blue sky (check), someone's date with their girlfriend (check), a 40th birthday (errm), a kitten in a wellington boot (but not if it's the one that keeps pooing on my lawn).***

Toilet in Greek is nearly the same as in English. Alternatively, as Rik Mayall once famously told the TV Licence enforcer, just follow your nose.

Worth the price of the ticket alone - that Nirvana concert at Reading? Or the Whitesnake one at Bristol (cue debate about drum solos)? Or taking your tiny daughter to see Sooty (and, said mother, best of all it was still Matthew Corbett - think she liked him a bit).

Bye Bye, everyone, bye bye (til Monday, anyway).
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 28, 2008 4:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

***I have just edited this, having had kittens since mid-morning yesterday when I realised the original probably offended, and have had to wait to get access to our PC. If anyone read it, and it did so offend, I am very sorry - it was meant to be funny; I don't wish ill of any person or creature, and it was stupid and thoughtless of me.

Embarassed
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 29, 2008 9:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nice one Ron..... Smile Smile

Houston – we have left wrist recovery – full flexion extension regained in both arms.

Full dexterous typing mode, warp ten – Engage!

It’s Monday!! The best day of the week- it’s so full of potential- it’s bursting with goodness! We have a whole week to do stuff- how cool is that? A week might be a long time in politics but it’s only 5 days on the Best Time of The Day Show- so we better get on with it.

So far we’ve had “beer” “how much” “I’m hungry” and “toilet” in Alex’s- “you can find love, in 5 languages course”. Today it’s “Ice Cream” in Polish- … check out the iplayer to catch up on your homework.

Inventive and Analytical. What’s the real story? The reality behind TV shows; starting with a British Comedy Institution – set in a seaside hotel. Fawlty Towers. The best time of the day show version of behind the scenes events. Take Basil and Sybil for example; in the real situation- they are even less happily married than they appear on screen – both have been married at least once before and are in the process of another divorce. Sybil regularly provides a “special discount” for single male visitors, Polly does the same, and Sybil makes the arrangements as well as extra cash in the process. Unknown to all, Polly is actually a Pre-Op transsexual woman, employed by a secret Government Agency as an Assassin. Manuel is an illegal immigrant on £1.60 an hour. The two old ladies are retired Madams, the Major (Jimmy the Knuckle Smith) has been on the run from the police since 1956 when he masterminded the UKs biggest Jacket heist – making off with the largest haul on record of blue blazers- yep, the ones with the gold buttons.

Join our Optimist Society – when bad turns good. A trip to casualty – you meet the love of your life (Sometimes the love of your life is right there, you just don't know it!)

More Dad Logic… if it made sense to them, who are we to stop them? School Harvest “Bring a Vegetable” Festival- tinned carrots (punctured) …well the dad in this case didn’t want the teachers to get anything for nothing. We understand …..

In the fridge….it’s a tin of fish soup-recovered from France ( last year) a whole litre of the stuff! Use before “29th September 2008”….if Alex sounds like Richard Allinson tomorrow morning– you know what he had for tea.

Don’t do it Alex! Is there not a Harvest Festival or a “bring and buy” sale somewhere nearby this week? Put it on ebay –“Celebrity Soup” You'll make a killing!

The line " You don't have to go home but you can't stay here" is from the Blues Brothers - during the reprise of The Theme from Rawhide at the end of the gig in Bob's Country Bunker .....Jake includes that line, in the song....

I'm having a yummy treat ... A Giant Cadbury Caramel washed down with Minty Aero hot chocolate........ well it is Monday....
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 29, 2008 5:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Great to see you back on top speed and form, Rach Very Happy

There must be loads of mileage in the Reality Behind The Sitcom, I'll have to get my thinking cap (as opposed to the dunce's one) on. I'm surprised some rising BBC3 or E4 scriptwriter hasn't tried to make a series interpolating some of our well-loved sitcoms.

The thought of any fish soup from France makes me queasy. Then again I have survived two holidays over there, sometimes not quite knowing what I'm eating, without ill effects.

Ah, Blues Brothers, of course!

Such a tease with the chocolate. Cadbury has relaunched its Wispa bars, and I bought three on Thursday. Wife and son have had theirs; I'd have had mine today if mother-in-law hadn't "forced" me to have two meringue nests with strawberries and a huge spoonful of whipped double cream last night.

Ever since Windows Service Pack 3 was imported on to our PC I've had trouble with i-player, and today it was being specially difficult. I shall have to consult my resident Expert, if he's in a good mood...
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 30, 2008 9:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

From sparkly high heels to milking women- there’s a conversation I’d like to overhear.

The Foil Fresh Festering French Fish Soup is half consumed, and Alex lives on… ….

Well it’s Tuesday- not my favourite day of the week, in fact, until last year, it was the worst day of the week. Tuesday is now filled with exciting things, but still it fails to tick all the boxes. There’s nothing one can really pin on Tuesday – it’s just a day, and it’s the only day that is just a day. ( maybe we could pin that on it) Monday is a great day – first day of week, full of potential – Wednesday, well it’s the middle of the week , it’s all down hill to the weekend. Woohoo! Thursday is full of anticipation for the good things of Friday and of course Friday is yeeeeeeesssssssss Friday!

Oh no! We’re doing Porridge- no not the tasty nutritious cereal. We’ve been slammed into Slade Prison to find out what really went on behind the scenes there. We discovered that Fletcher is the big cheese behind the bars, the Governor, he runs the whole joint, and always gets exactly what he wants. Poor Godber has to sleep in Fletcher's bed, but not on his own- say no more. Mr MacKay is a disgraced member of the aristocracy, his large-scale fraudulent ways, were rewarded by an alternative thinking Judge who gave him community service as a Prison Officer. However, it turns out that the prison is not a prison at all but an early Reality TV set designed by some young Big Brother TV producers – the only insider who knows is the kindly Mr Barrowclough who is on a secret mission from the 10 year old Davina McCall to keep the others from finding out, she turns up each Friday to yell at a small crowd outside the prison.

With all the doom and gloom in the financial markets it’s time to look on the bright side, where should you invest your money to beat the credit crunch?

Tailoring – dark sympathetic suits – always a need for those.

Photographic Flash Guns- with so many World Leaders, Politicians and MPs clambering to sort things out – there could be a run of Flashguns….

Greetings Card Manufactures- think of the profit on all of those “Sorry you’re leaving Cards as the credit crunch really bites and bankers all over the globe learn what it’s like to stand in a queue that isn’t one of their own.

“ Remember the value of your investment may (will) go down as well as up”

Check out the iplayer for your Ice-cream homework in Turkish.

Letters heroes- Pet Hates and Pelican Crossings…..
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 30, 2008 10:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tuesday is... Bin Day. Monday the council send a street cleaning vehicle down to brush up all the guff lying in the road and on Tuesday morning their refuse collection lorry comes and scatters sundry bits of leftover pizza, catfood pouches and goodness knows what else in its wake.

I'm on tenterhooks now to see which TV sitcom will get the reality treatment tomorrow. Could it be Dad's Army - Pike is really the love-child of Pte Godfrey, but Mavis didn't have the heart to tell him as it would break up the meage-a-trois he has with his sister Dolly (who's not really his sister in the biblical sense but a member of the nursing staff of the local cottage hospital)and Mr Blewitt (aka Young Mr Grace from Are You Being Served?). Cpl Jones the Butcher doubles-up as the high-street barber next door - you can guess the rest. At night Fraser turns the chapel of rest behind his darkened front undertaker's counter into a private burlesque club, with the Air Raid Warden, Sgt Wilson and the vicar's curate as the star turn - the episode showing their rendition of Three Little Maids From School Are We has mysteriously gone missing, but we think Pte Sponge has pinched it to someday wreak a terrible revenge for always being the platoon member who was never given anything to do. But the real whammy is provided by Capt Mainwaring and the Vicar - we all know that they share an office in the church hall, but what we didn't know was that they were working together as spies, not for the Germans but for Tesco, who wanted to put a clandestine planning application, in the name of the Walmington Home Guard, to build a huge supermarket when the war was over.

And to think that my first reaction on Monday was that it was wrong to spoil the memory of our favourite TV sitcoms like that...

I liked the idea of the edible house at the end - it all came out of the limp suggestion of investing in tinned food to see out the financial crisis. Marshmallow cavity wall insulation - I thought that was what they did use.

Wot, no chocolate treat today? Someone gave me a finger of Cadbury's Dairy Milk Apricot Crumble Crunch yesterday. Sounds scrummy (I love apricots) but unfortunately the sweet chocolate drowns everything else and it was a let-down.
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 01, 2008 7:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

OK, so what happened there, then?

I spent many minutes typing out a slightly modified, toned down version of Dad's Army, as above, on Alex's page, pressed Send, and was immediately cast into oblivion, or "Internet Explorer cannot display your page - you are not connected to the Internet". What a time for broadband to go AWOL, and it stayed that way for the rest of the day. No local fault listed on Virgin's "helpline" message, so after a couple of hours tried ringing their Faults service. At the risk of sounding racist I could hardly understand a word the lady with the Indian accent who answered was saying, nor she my middle-English, but after several minutes of toing, froing, and Sorry? and Pardon? she declared it was an area fault and I would just have to sit tight and hope. Well, I'm here to tell the tale - whether I shall bother to try to resubmit my tome to AL is another matter, since it pales by comparison with his job on The Good Life this morning.

On the chocolate front, son bought two Wispas yesterday, for himself and his mother - "well, you've still got yours" Shocked
Well, it's going to get its comeuppance later this morning with a mug of Cadbury's Drinking Chocolate, and hang the Son of Blubberwatch tomorrow morning!
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 01, 2008 8:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for the update Ron Smile – I was in a rush to beat the credit crunch yesterday. Cobblers! No! Yes! Instead of putting last year’s knee-highs in the charity bag – I had them re-healed at the Cobblers. £8-50. The're just like new!

Would you like “Heavy Duty” heels madam?
My look must have said it all-as he very quickly changed the description to “ Long Life Heels.
Yes they’ll do very nicely thank you. How can anything smaller than a 5p coin be described as “Heavy Duty”?

So what does today’s show bring other than the veritable cornucopia of music and comedic provender we’ve become addicted to?

A trip to Birmingham, which will hereafter be known as: the quiet carriage, the Glockenspiel and the wooden box. School Kids and their clobber. A curmudgeon at 52? Can it be so? Tell me it’s not true! I have dreams to keep alive!

Check out the iplayer to learn how to ask for your Mandarin Ice-cream. (see what I did there?) No – well I tried.

Following on from yesterday’s Marshmallow insulation – How to build a house out of stuff you can eat.

More behind the scenes stuff and dark secrets today, from the Good Life. (heavily abridged version of course- I can type but…. come on- there’s a limit! ) After turning 40, Tom Good decides he’s had enough of working for a pittance so quits his job; his wife Barbara does the same; instead, they grow marihuana between their beans and sprouts- raking in the cash for a money-laundering scam. They keep up the pretence of poverty by dressing like tramps and sending home made Christmas presents to their neighbours. Although they always seem to have enough cash for heating and lighting- even when the generator is dysfunctional.

Margo is hiding a dark secret- not the convent-educated snob from middle England, she’s actually the illegitimate daughter of an East-end Costermonger who took a Saturday at job Woolworths to pay for her elocution lessons, so she could become an actress. After her acting work as the third lady in a fox-fur-wrap, at a wedding in Crossroads dried up, she became an Escort offering personal services to Casino goers.

Margo met Jerry on a “business trip” – while he was taking time off work to service a gambling habit……….and much much more…..

You really have to listen to today’s show on the iplayer – I’m in pain here – (laughing pain that is)

Letters page heroes – Airport Announcements.

Oh! I had some good news yesterday re: my book. Woohoo! Well it’s more of a fat pamphlet at the moment but it’s getting there. It’s probably going to be called “ Praying for a back door” It’s a lighthearted romantic-comedy-period drama-Sci-fi reference book. An Angel’s guide to the Ten Commandments – complete with sub text – meaning and derivations – small print, exclusions and waivers, as well as loopholes and short cuts to heaven. There’s a forward by St Peter (although it has to be said – he doesn’t come across as having much of a sense of humour in that – it’s feels more like a dire warning but when you know him like I do, you’ll discover he’s a big softie really) It may become known as the Sinners Handbook. “ It’s only a sin if you don’t declare it in advance, in the “Sinners Register of Interests”. There’s a handy thing you didn’t know about.


Chocolate update at this end! Minty Aero Hot Chocolate and a bar of Galaxy... tis just a small one though.....

Ron prolly best to cut and paste into an e-mail Smile
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 01, 2008 11:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

"Would you like Heavy Duty" heels Madam?"

I'm surprised you didn't nail him to his bench. Obviously a graduate of the Fanny Craddock School of Tact.

His Real Good Life was excellent. I'm in awe.

Will you send us a signed copy of your book, or do I have to stand in the queue like everyone else?

Had the Wispa and the hot chocolate. The two don't actually go together very well. Still...
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 06, 2008 10:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The start of another week and five more early mornings of life's little quirks and whimsies to look forward to, care of the Lord of Darkness (no, not the one Daily Telegraph headline writers had in mind on Saturday) and various people in stages of trucking, insomnia or indignant letter writing.

Dad's Army is obviously still too revered an institution to get the "Real Story" treatment, so from the second division, Frank Spencer was in the firing line. Was Jessica really his, was the question that everyone except Frank himself was probably asking at the time. Was he really an undercover agent for Trotskyite insurgents, or working for ITV on an early pilot for You've Been Framed? Or perhaps it was all a Health Education instruction video for Care In The Community.

Nowadays you have to save up tokens in the newspapers to send off for books, CDs and DVDs which they proudly proclaim on the front cover as Free, omitting to mention it will cost you £4.99 postage and packing. Remember the things you used save to send off for in your youth - 50 Monster Munch packets in return for a 007 alarm watch that played the Bond theme... 10 boxes of Weetabix for a toy lorry (now he's driving the real thing)... 100 tokens for a build-your-own luminous dinosaur...

Ah, the missing letters off the doors at the gym. The Women's *hanging Room and the physios's *onsulting Room - what is it with the missing C's? Borrowed for the relaunch of Sesame Street, or for holding up the shower *urtains? Requisitioned by the government for the *redit *runch, or by one Dark Lord to stop people mistakenly calling him Ale*? Or nicked by little people for use as toilet seats or Shetland ponies for shoes?

The day's Hero in print was a letter in Radio Times complaining about the poor treatment of cats in soap operas. Hmm, think I'll keep quiet this time...
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 8:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

"Alex Lester... is unavailable at this time" How very dare they! Crying or Very sad
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 9:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Normal service partially resumed, in that i-player is loaded and working this morning. Perhaps it couldn't cope with the new broom that swept all the old threads under the carpet.

So, A Day In The Life of Simon Cowell, how do we imagine that goes? Pretty much like anyone else, really - he gets up, puts his hi-waisters on, makes a few bob and goes back to bed again. Well, I say a few bob... Cheryl was obviously a groupie of the old school imagining she was there with him from start to finish, and even if she wasn't embarassed I certainly was.

Are you vertically challenged? When you go to a concert do you strain to see over/under/around the amazon who stands right in front of you? Perhaps there should be separate gigs for shortarses like AL, or a height-restricted area. (My wife has persuaded me to take her to see McFly in November - I don't think height will be a problem but a pair of earmuffs might come in handy, against the girlie screams, if not the music).

For the Children In Need calendar the Abbey Road album cover has been re-created, on a budget with Alex taking the part of all four Beatles, but he forgot to do the obligatory barefoot one - well it is old hat, or sock. Suggestions for alternative album covers he could do ranged from the iconic (such as Sgt Pepper, or Ian Gillan's Mount Rushmore pose for Deep Purple In Rock), through the sublime (Val Doonican Rocks But Gently) to the decidedly risque (Bowie's Diamond Dogs, or, with Janice Long, on Roxy Music's Country Life).

Mention of Val Doonican spawned a discussion about shows you thought were rubbish at the time but have grown to love over the passage of time. I always liked Val - he had some superb guests, and was largely responsible for John Denver's popularity in this country. The Carry On films, Joe Cocker and Steptoe & Son I'm not so sure of - I much preferred them then- they haven't aged that well.

Great selection of music as usual, except that that's at least the third time in a month he's played Rod's Baby Jane, and almost anything else by the old philanderer is miles better.
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PostPosted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 11:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh Ron, thank you, for keeping the diary up to date while I’ve been away. Your reports make mine feel somehow inadequate. No more so than this morning because after being away in “town” for the past few days; this morning, it’s been catch up with everything time - supermarket, farm shop, and butchers … it’s nice and sunny though – so it was rather pleasant.

Where’ve you been? I hear you ask…….

Well it was a bit of an undercover operation – I had to disguise my temporary recall to Government, as a shopping and sightseeing trip to our capital city, although I would proffer that my shopping did more for the banking crisis than my advice to Mr Darling; I’m happy to report, that he followed my advice to the letter – packing his bags and leaving the country this very morning.

I’m starting to ramble now and am in danger of unloading my entire memory card of holiday snaps on you … so on with the show…

This morning, and you’ll have to excuse the gaps and all the other bits I’m going to have to miss out because – I listened to the show while doing other things at the same time…. I know that’s a shock for you all, but desperate times need bold and far-reaching solutions. I can assure you that the new Holy Trinity, of The Chancellor, the Governor of the Bank of England, and of course The Prime Minister, will do whatever is necessary to maintain the stability of this dairy system.

Meanwhile Open University Professors – cryogenically frozen, are to be warmed up or is it frozen just in case we need them in future, when everybody will have forgotten how to do useful things.

Lots more of those Album Covers, and short people problems – booster cushions seems to be the consensus. Maybe one of those little plastic “Grow Tall Steps” might do the trick, it would double as a waterproof hat in the rain, and a handy place to put things in- while out shopping – a couple of pounds of potatoes, for example, then just at that moment when you need an extra few inches, simply take it from your head and either stand or sit on it, as required. So you see short people, that kiss with Kate Moss, isn’t out of reach after all. One moment Kate….. oh hang on, I’ll just put my spuds on here for now, there you go, perfect kissing height…. Mmmmmwah!…. and something to talk about … … “Oh you keep King Edwards, hat- how very different”.

A day in the life of Van Morrison

Alex’s free course - “five languages for lovers”, covered “Doctor”, in Turkish today – it’s a bit tricky – you will have to listen on the iplayer then write it down.

All of that, and lots more with loads of music too…
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PostPosted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 2:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Laughing Hi Rach, lovely to have see you back, and, far from inadequate - #Nobody Does It Better#

I liked the solution of putting horse muck in your shoes to make you grow, and make everyone back off to give you plenty of room at gigs!

The album cover suggestions at one point looked as though they were heading into very dodgy territory - I was waiting for someone to suggest the boxing glove on this one (Don't look, Ethel) - http://www.amazon.co.uk/Below-Belt-Boxer/dp/B000007UTA - especially when Janet Jackson was mentioned, but fortunately Led Zeppelin II flew in to the rescue.

People's perception of the daily lives of celebs such as Cowell and Van Morrison are just as mundane as they probably are. Couldn't make much of Van the Man - well, he doesn't himself.

So what's he up to today that he hasn't done for 40 years (ie, when he was 12)? Gone to see the nit nurse? Pulled a girl's pigtails? Or played conkers? The suspense is palpable...

Fine music as usual. Today's oft-repeated oldie was Children of the Revolution - I'll add that to my list.
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 11:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, here we are again, Feelgood Friday, and it's hard to argue with the theory that above those dark grey clouds it's a beautiful sunny day, but try telling that to anyone who's got shares or a pension fund, or a deposit in an Icelandic bank. Still, you can always pick-your-own autumn raspberries and quince to make some delicious jam for the winter.

By the same principle someone argued that even the most gruff, angry and aggressive person was once a beautiful baby. Hmm.

The face on the album cover moved into bestial territory, with Paul McCartney's Ram being the kindest suggestion, quickly degenerating into Goats Head Soup and Iron Maiden.

It's National Children's Book Week, but times have changed since we had kids and Mr Men and Beatrix Potter seem to have been usurped for books which require age-restriction and parental-guidance stickers.

Does your lady drive an artic and smoke a pipe but still wears L'Air du Temps? Does your fella refuse to do the ironing or read women's magazines but likes to wear your underwear? Welcome to our Metero-sexual world, where blokes do female stuff, and vice versa, but only so far. My wife wires the plugs and deals with the wasps, but uses half a box of Kleenex at the slightest bit of emotion on screen, happy or sad. I do the cooking and the laundry and will happily shop for a bra (only because I've mangled one of hers in the machine, you understand), but I'm the only one who can work the central heating and DVD recorder. Not something I'm going to admit on national radio, I'm afraid.

Forty years ago he went up in a light aircraft. Yesterday he repeated the trick, in a microlight. What does this button do? Stops the engine. Click... Surprised

Normal service will be resumed...
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 8:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well very nearly normal....

Wooooooooooooooosh!

What was that?

That was your life.

Well here we are on another Monday morning – five days of fruit-filled fantastic features to follow, if only the iplayer had been updated…or I had remembered to record the show.

“Click here to launch Alex Lester”……… the idea has merit. Unavailable at this time! What do ya mean? – It’s nine o’clock in the morning!

I’ll just have to ramble on a bit until things start to work.

The world financial crisis solved. Yep, what the world needs right now is Colgate , no …. not the big expose on the great toothpaste scandal, but like Saturn – a ring of confidence! Ding! …….. Boom Tish! I know that’s a ding not a ring but a ding is like a ring but sharper.

I always thought Metro-sexuals were those people who were apparently quite normal at birth but grew up harbouring a secret. They went through many years of distressing times in emotional turmoil during school careers classes, then left to join the adult world where they were employed in ordinary everyday boring normal jobs until they could stand it no more. They shocked their families and came out of the closet as Metro-sexual – the only cure , to completely change their lives by applying for a job on the underground rail network in the North East’s capital city…

Words of the week – you need to watch out for these in the news

Liquidity and Recapitalisation.

Well; still not available, so – I’ll go off to, Do Something (the Eagles) and try again later……
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 8:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes, confidence in the i-player clearing system has ebbed away and it's keeping everything to itself as a result. Only the intervention of Gordon Brown with wads of wonga, or Ken Dodd with a de-fluffling stick (not that easy for him to say), will free the cogs and wheels and give the nation something to be happy about, for three hours at least.

From a fit of wakefulness at about three I do know that Dad's Army finally got its call-up papers, but my pearls are probably now hidden at the bottom of Mavis Pike's jewellry box.
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 10:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The I-player is now working, so what happened as we travelled hand in hand through the dark night into the early morning madness and beyond, is now available for all to enjoy?….

Tricky Dilemmas… you’re in hurry to catch the train, the ticket office is closed, the ticket machine is way too complicated ….what do you do, what excuse do you come up with to avoid the penalty charge?

How does the moon affect you? Interesting question. I like the moon- it’s a very reassuring and quite useful piece of space debris – I like the way that it keeps a safe distance away from us – you can yell at it as much as you like – it just smiles back. You can throw things at it – it just smiles. You can buy a piece of it- just smiles back. One day you’ll be able to go there on holiday – perhaps, if you like lunar landscapes, maybe have a second home there.

Dad’s Army relived. What was really going on? You have been watching....

“Airport” is this week’s word of wisdom, in five languages of love.

More on Metrosexual men

A new winter slogan for writing (with wet finger) on the back of dirty white trucks? How about “ Click here to launch Alex Lester” ? or “Well driven?- text Alex on 88291”

Oh no!! Blubberwatch has gone all wobbly – has that Robert Peston been talking pies again? No more advice from me…..the others only laugh at it anyway - just think thin, be thin, my friend.
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 14, 2008 9:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well it’s Tuesday, the air is hanging like a wet sock, still and damp: leaves gently falling from the conker trees out the front, and recycling boxes, scattered, haphazardly up and down the road, like abandoned wrecks, given up by a stormy sea.

I had an idea last night – a saving the world idea. It’s about the Moon, tides and rising water levels caused by the melting ice-caps. It goes like this… you know how the Moon makes the tides go up and down? Yep. Well, if we took the Moon out ( no not to dinner)– you know, throw everything we have at it, Nukes the lot, to just completely blow it away, well; there’d be no more tides, so water levels everywhere would settle at what is currently half tide level- so there’d be loads of capacity for extra water when the ice-caps melt. No flooding anywhere. Bingo! World saved!

On today’s show…

I’m sure that spider has a French accent! - Accueillir à ma toile, préparer être mangé.

Another dilemma…..

After checking your bank balance, you discover that you’ve been overpaid. Woohoo! What do you do? …

Deny deny deny ……

Well if it was a significant amount, I’d transfer the extra cash to a high interest savings account – then negotiate a settlement with the pay department – I’d start by offering the return of 30% of the overpaid amount … and I’d keep the negotiation going until we settled at probably 70% return – (hey it was their mistake not mine) – then having come to an agreement – I’d return the agreed amount and put the remainder, and the interest, in the Church Roof repair fund.

What if you discovered your partner was a spy? A special agent! What then? They don’t actually work in an office at all but spend all day doing spy type activities. Newspapers with eye holes, exploding pens and briefcase that are really well locked!

A short quiz..

Which film?

“What was her name?

Oh let me think…Slippy , Slappy , swany.. …

Hey! Maybe it’s on the briefcase!
Yeah it is .. Samsonite … I was way off! “


Airport in Turkish is today’s word from Alex’s lexicon of love in five languages.
.
New slogan ideas too. .. “Dark is the new light” … I like that… J

The music this morning was fantastic- especially during the magic hour.
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RockitRon



Joined: 07 Dec 2006
Posts: 7565

PostPosted: Tue Oct 14, 2008 10:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Rachel wrote:
Well it’s Tuesday, the air is hanging like a wet sock, still and damp: leaves gently falling from the conker trees out the front, and recycling boxes, scattered, haphazardly up and down the road, like abandoned wrecks, given up by a stormy sea.


Sun has just come out here. It's dry and still (not quiet, because the local primary school's playtime is in full swing). The council must have suddenly employed a dustman with an tidy mind and an attention to detail, because the bins are just about exactly where everyone put them out last night - I had to check to make sure they'd actually been.

Rachel wrote:
I had an idea last night – a saving the world idea. It’s about the Moon, tides and rising water levels caused by the melting ice-caps. It goes like this… you know how the Moon makes the tides go up and down? Yep. Well, if we took the Moon out ( no not to dinner)– you know, throw everything we have at it, Nukes the lot, to just completely blow it away, well; there’d be no more tides, so water levels everywhere would settle at what is currently half tide level- so there’d be loads of capacity for extra water when the ice-caps melt. No flooding anywhere. Bingo! World saved!


I wish I'd paid more attention in science lessons, but I have a funny feeling that removing the Moon would destroy the delicate balance that is Earth's very existence.

Rachel wrote:
After checking your bank balance, you discover that you’ve been overpaid. Woohoo! What do you do? …

Well if it was a significant amount, I’d transfer the extra cash to a high interest savings account – then negotiate a settlement with the pay department – I’d start by offering the return of 30% of the overpaid amount … and I’d keep the negotiation going until we settled at probably 70% return – (hey it was their mistake not mine) – then having come to an agreement – I’d return the agreed amount and put the remainder, and the interest, in the Church Roof repair fund.


Unfortunately, there's a boring, killjoy law about it.

Rachel wrote:
What if you discovered your partner was a spy? A special agent! What then? They don’t actually work in an office at all but spend all day doing spy type activities. Newspapers with eye holes, exploding pens and briefcase that are really well locked!


Well, there's so much stuff in her handbag she could probably equip the whole of MI5...


Rachel wrote:
New slogan ideas too. .. “Dark is the new light” … I like that… J

The music this morning was fantastic- especially during the magic hour.


I think he should register it, quick, before someone else does.
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Ron
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