R2OK!

Rachel · Guest

A short course for those interested in a career in management!

These are all genuine quotes from meetings that I've attended over the last 8 years.

After being on tender hooks, for what; seems like an eternity. I finally threw a double six, plucked up the courage and took the smart move to float the idea, at the place where I earn a crust, of doing away with, laying to rest and at long last, saying a fond farewell to the use of cliché's, similes and metaphors at work. Really just to have a go at something new and see if the idea would hold water. After going round the houses and all the bazaars to see if everyone was singing from the same hymn sheet, I found that not everyone was whistling the same tune and the big cheese thought that the idea was a bit outside of the box and would never fly because it just didn't have any legs and in any case was out of step with the current thinking. He didn't want to be lead by the nose on a merry old dance because he has two left feet and is as awkward as a camel riding a bike he’s often referred to as a square peg in a round hole because he likes to dance to a different tune. Now, not being one to give up at the first hurdle and thinking there is no point skirting around the issue that everyone else is trying to side step, I soldiered on with the horse of a different colour, in a vane attempt to get the show on the road, so, I shifted right the new plan into a fluid window of opportunity, downstream, when we would have a much clearer picture and be able to see just how the land lies, depending of course on which way the wind blows. If all the stars and constellations line up, all the ducks are in a row and no-one is left sitting on the fence and we all pull in the same direction, we will find ourselves on that level playing field, so we can pick up the ball and run with it, grabbing any low hanging fruit as we go with the flow. Being careful not to put all our eggs into one basket. After trading our apples for oranges we can take just a few grapes from the bunch, a second bite from the cherry then shooting from the hip with the big guns, use the stones to knock down the high scoring dominoes first, remembering to keep a watchful eye on the unknown because if one those comes home to roost it would be a Major Houston, open up a real can of worms and we’d get stuck behind the eight ball, the cat would need to be let out of the bag and put amongst the pigeons to save the day or we would be left with just chicken feed, which is nothing in the whole scheme of things. Now none of this is rocket science and to catch my drift you only need to get your cranial motivator into first gear to get a handle on what I’m bleating on about, just get a grip and shake the trees but if things do go from bad to worse, we jump out of the frying pan into the fire and end up on a slow boat to nowhere fast, we'll get all lost at sea because we were thrown a curved ball which landed way outside of the ball park where we could smell the rats deserting the sinking ship to skate on thin ice, landing us all in hot water, which as you already know would go down like a cup of sick and leave a nasty taste in our mouths, and with just a handful of us left to pick up the pieces and face the music between the rock and the hard place. If that happens, we keel over and go belly up with our legs in the air, we would have to parachute in a fire-fighter with a raft of proposals to get us back on the straight and narrow, putting us on an even keel until the dust settled and we could all get on the home straight then, assuming the tide was with us ,sail off into the sunset together, where of course we could live happily ever after. Now if any you with your heads in the sand think that I am barking up the wrong tree, from another planet and have choked on a Nat and swallowed a Camel and wants to dig deep to throw something else into the mix, then feel free, you won't have to drag me kicking and screaming, in fact, wild horses wouldn't stop me, remember I am not the fly in the ointment. Don't, what ever you do though: go chasing wild geese or rainbows because that would end in tears and an early bath for the rest of us and we don't want to be in deep water, when the clear water over on the wild blue yonder is where our sights are set. If you do come up with something new and want to spill the beans, hand over the dough and aren't worried about becoming a waste of space then, let it all out and share it with the rest of us. My door is always open and I hear what you say. Do remember though to use the stairs because my elevator doesn't quite reach the top. Some might say not quite the full shilling or just plain, away with the mixer but I think I’m cooking on gas and if you’re going to do something you may as well do it big style and take the real staring role. If like me you are fed up to the back teeth with this nonsense and feel out of step with reality and just a little out of your depth because just when you think it’s all over something more nasty crawls out of the woodwork to bite you on the ankle and expose your Achilles' heal for all to see, which blights the day then takes away the light at the end of the tunnel then take heart. Where there us a will there’s a way, none of this is carved in stone so keep a watchful eye out for the green shoots of recovery and take a leaf out of my book and treat the nonsense with the contempt it deserves. There is no point banging on about something if the horse has already bolted, you've had your chips and everyone else has moved on, it would only leave you running to catch up and maybe a bit off colour and well below par for the course. My advice is this and you can take or leave it, I'm not going to hand it to you on a plate, nothing worth while is that easy anyway, you only get out what you put in, so you may as well say in for a penny in for a pound and if you can't beat em join em. One word of warning though, it's never to late to say enough is enough and just go back to square one and forget everything I've said, after all you don't want to be caught with your trousers down because if someone trips you up, you may go head over heels and end up in the brown and smelly. Some might say we are always in it anyway; it's only the depth that varies. If you have your backs to the wall and your on the ropes and all your attempts to make things right are blown into the weeds because everything you say just gets lost in the noise and never bottoms out, getting back on track and keeping things running smoothly can be like whistling in the wind but hear me out, there is more than one way to skin a cat, it isn't over till the fat lady sings and as soon as that circus arrives in town it should all be down hill from there, then you can just rest on your laurels and reap the benefits, if you've worked hard you can play hard and get your just deserts which really would balance the scales and even things out a little. Remember there is no such thing as a free lunch, what goes around, comes around and most folk give as good as they get, so be very careful where you tread on the way up. If you do end up going through the roof, remember that every cloud has a silver lining, it never rains but it pours and the sun shines equally on the good and bad. If you do get it badly wrong, lightning never strikes in the same place twice. I'm not sure I can take any more of this, I've really kicked the pants out of it, so I think its time to give it a rest, let sleeping dogs lie and keep a low profile until the storm in a teacup blows over but I just can't help myself, I'm only making hay while the sun shines or maybe storing up trouble for myself, Hobson's choice is yours to make. I can only tell it, like it is, which is the whole point, I'm trying to get across. I just want everyone to take on board what I’ve said and treat it like their own, so that we can all feel at home next time we get it together, in a meeting, I don’t want to make anyone dance because that just fills the place with hot air which all ends up way over my head, which is always in the clouds and at these dizzy heights it ain’t easy because it’s tough at the top. I know that you could say I'm just gilding the lily, to add more meat to the bone and my proposal is like buying a pig in a poke but at least that would bring home the bacon, which, when you reach the bottom line, at the end of the day, is why we are all here. Metaphorically speaking of course!

RockitRon · Joined: 07 Dec 2006 Posts: 7646

No-one ever said anything about pausing to take stock or starting a new paragraph, then Smile

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Ron

Cherskiy · Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 7:04 pm Post subject:

I had to stop reading half-way through: I was starting to hold my breath! Laughing

Nice one, Rachel.... Very Happy

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Rachel · Guest

Yeah it is a bit long winded, that's what it's like in some of the meetings I'm dragged to. ( most of them actually)

The best meetings I go to are the ones where there are some American attendees. They are so much fun.....

I was explaining how to get to a particular place in London, where they needed to be the next day, it involved lots of Tube changes.....

I quote his response....

<American>" Hell Rach, I'm not interested in who shot John here. I just wanna find out how big the Elephant is we gotta ride, so we can bloody its nose now then it won't grow up to be a problem child....."

<Me> Ok well let me put that another way... get the train to London, then ask someone when you get there.

Lord Evan Elpuss · Joined: 10 Dec 2006 Posts: 3417 Location: Cloud Cuckoo Land

I don't think I saw any mention of 'Blue sky thinking' or 'Rocket science', what kind of management meeting doesn't mention at least one of those?. Do the speakers at these meetings wear 'Blue sky thinking specs'? see http://www.specsavers.co.uk/cgi-bin/strudwick.sh/s?langid=1&pfmt=1&siteid=39&pname=home.html for an example of these.
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Lord Evan Elpuss, Your ideal job is a Lumberjack.

Rachel · Guest

I dunno the deeper you dig the more worms you find Wink

I think there's a Rocket Science in there somewhere Smile

.... but I will add Blue Sky Thinking when I next feed the monster, it's turning into a Mammoth task though, altogether a different animal to when it started. Very Happy

Nice specs:)