R2OK!

Rachel · Guest

<Disclaimer> - non of the events in this series are based on actual events. Any connection with reality is purely accidental and no malice is intended. It's just for fun- and of course Sir Alan Rocks!!!

Following the recent Acquisition/ Merger of R2 with AMS Ltd. The big cheese himself is looking for an Apprentice to host the Breakfast Show after the Mighty Wogan retires next year. There are 12 candidates up for the job, which commands a 7-figure salary. (Although that could just be a rumour)

(The Young Hopefuls)
Alex Lester - the bookies favourite
Mo Dutta
Chris Evans
Richard Hammond
Russell Brand
Jeremy Vine

(The Old Hands)
Danny Baker
Tim Smith
Pete Mitchell
Wossy
Steve Wright
Noel Edmonds

Week 1.

Broadcasting House- 3rd Floor - I-con's office.

<AS>This is not a game. This is an 8-week job interview from hell. There'll be no text messages from listeners to save your bacon. No e-mails to help you out with time filler- it's just gonna be you and a microphone. You've been split into two teams - each week you'll be given a Radio Show to do. Got it? Good! Terry and Sarah have been with Radio 2 forever -there's nothing they don't know- if you don't convince them, you don't convince me- they'll be my eyes and ears throughout the tasks. The two teams - The Young Hopefuls and the Old Hands. Your first task is to come up with an Outside Broadcast that will get people tuning in- Russell, you're the team leader of the Young Hopefuls and Steve, you'll be managing the Old Hands. The team that comes back with the most listeners will win, the other team will lose and on that team one of you will get fired! Good Luck. Off you go!

........ two days Later .... shows completed and listening figures counted.

< AS> So Old Hands - how was it for you? Good team leader was he?

<all-OH> Oh yes Sir Alan...

< AS> We'll we'll see... and what about you Young Hopefuls - how did our Russell do? ........ Don't all speak at once will ya... Ok Tel give me the numbers for the Old Hands.

<TW> well Al the RAJAR gave the Old hands 1708 listeners for their Retro Seafront Roadshow.

<AS> Retro show ? You mean you did your normal gig Steve? I exepct the Duran Duran fans were pleased with that.... and what about the young Hopefuls Sarah- how many listeners did they get?....

<SK> well Sir Alan the Young Hopefuls poled 6 listeners on air but did boast 11 disappointed children at the venue.

< AS> Disappointed children! Why?

< SK> Well they just wanted an ice-cream Sir Alan.

<AS> Oh yes the Ice Cream Van gig- whose bloody marvelous idea was that then?!!

<RB> well that was mine Sir Alan.

<AS> Didn't you take the hint from your team mates when they all said- it'll never work, were off to the pub! Ok Old Hands you won it - I've got you a great treat- it's right up your street actually - you're going on a guided Tour of Radio 1 - off you go, see ya on the next task.... Now Young hopefuls... what went wrong? I heard there was more people turned up at the pub to see Alex's hair than tuned into your Ice Cream Van Sham. Who ya gonna bring back in with ya...

<RB> Mo and Jeremy....

<AS> Ok the rest of you off you go- see you on the next task.

Pause for effect....

<AS> Russell the Ice-Cream Van idea was a really bad Idea, everyone told you it was a bad idea but you did it anyway- what music did you play? Oranges and bleeding Lemons! Why shouldn't I fire you?

<RB> I'm really talented Sir Alan - I'm an actor and everyfing, a sexual icon amongst our target audience, a veritable oasis in the desert of life- a gift from the gods- the perfect breakfast show host. Young women will line Portland Place screaming my name every morning while I'm on air, once I start I'm unstoppable, I have the gift of the gab- it's just the way I am - the punters love it....

<AS> If I can just get a word in........... I'm talking now...... you've had your turn .....

<RB> I can do quiet Sir Alan - you just watch me - you'll see - I can be as quiet as a quiet thing......see quiet…. that’s me.. very quiet when I need to be…..

<AS> Oh I've had enough .... Russell you're a nice guy but it’s clear you know nothing about music, nothing about radio, you look like a girl on a bad hair day but most of all, we don't need any namby pamby ponsy actors here at R2 - Russell - You're Fired!

Briant · Posted: Tue May 20, 2008 3:06 pm Post subject:

Very good Rachel! Laughing

Dean Robertson · Guest

I think Iain Smith would be the ideal candidate.

RockitRon · Joined: 07 Dec 2006 Posts: 7646

I hear that Ladbrokes have closed the book on the final result Laughing

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Ron

SantaFefan · Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2009 7:03 pm Post subject: Re: Radio 2 Apprentice.

excellent....

apart from this bit