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Can't speak

 
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Joined: 10 Sep 2009
Posts: 1444

PostPosted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 3:46 pm    Post subject: Can't speak Reply with quote

It was an interesting subject on Jezza today about children who are able to speak to only a few people. I was like that as a child, (shy they said) even now, I canít, wonít, am not able to speak to people whom Iíve not met or corresponded with previously. If I donít feel like I know a person, I cannot speak to them. I can talk to complete strangers to ask for something in a shop or ask directions cos Iím in control of that; itís people with whom Iím expected to converse with about whatever may take their fancy when the problem arises. There are many ways to get around it though. I thought that I was just odd- you know -socially inept, but maybe thereís more to it than that. I have so many conversations with other people in my head that perhaps talking isnít really necessary cis I've already said it all. Often hubby will say, what do you think of this or thatÖ and Iíll say, I told you all about that yesterday and I did, but without actually saying it to him out loud, which it seems is the fundamental requirement of verbal communication.
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RockitRon



Joined: 07 Dec 2006
Posts: 7565

PostPosted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 5:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmm. It might explain a few things. I-player has packed up in the middle of it - and I'll come back when I've got time
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Last edited by RockitRon on Tue Feb 02, 2010 8:12 am; edited 1 time in total
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Minx



Joined: 09 Dec 2006
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Location: France/Spain/Peterborough/Tenerife

PostPosted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 5:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes I enjoyed that piece. They mentioned also about those with a similar problem, inability to eat in public. I used to suffer from that when I was a little girl (was a real problem at school dinners where the teachers would try to force me to eat and I would throw up) Embarassed

Unfortunately I grew out of it to the extent where I now have an inability to stop eating, whether in public or private. Rolling Eyes
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To err is human, to forgive - canine.
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RockitRon



Joined: 07 Dec 2006
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 02, 2010 1:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, I always thought I was just chronically shy and socially inept. I was very quiet as a child, but it didn't affect my basic education (I just kept my head down and absorbed it all without the interaction). In the "children should be seen and not heard" years no-one gave it a second thought, and, by the time they did I had a brother who made more than enough noise for both of us.

Now, if I'm confident and in control, if I know what I want or am talking about, then I'm fine, but uncertainty, of what I want, know or how the other person will react, shuts me up tighter than a clam. So I'm useless at parties, among people I don't know, and as for interviews... Rolling Eyes

Selective mutism or just a matter of self-confidence and esteem? There's a BBC1 programme on the subject, tonight at 10.35pm, and we shall no doubt learn more - http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00qmwsh
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SantaFefan



Joined: 07 Dec 2006
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Location: top of the cliffs in Norfolk

PostPosted: Tue Feb 02, 2010 2:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have no problem in speaking to people I meet on a day to day basis whether I know them or not.. Mrs SF says I can talk the hind leg off a Donkey. I feel more like my dad everyday as I remember him going out of his way to speak to people in shops etc..
but an "official" meeting was a problem for me when I worked 9-5. I sometimes got very nervous, maybe insecure about the value of my contribution, so that my chest would tighten and breathing hastened. If only I could have learnt to relax and put things in perspective it would have been so much better!
I'm sure I've mentioned it before, but my most embarrassing incident was when our local radio did a feature on our business and I was unexpectedly having to talk down a microphone... I just couldn't do it.. voice dried up, heartbeat rose.. I had to excuse myself! Rolling Eyes
Now if he had wanted to talk about trains... Laughing
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Joined: 10 Sep 2009
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 02, 2010 5:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Eating in public is ok as long as I can be seen only by other people eating, so those cafes with window seats are not for me. I donít really understand them. Why would anyone want to sit in a shop window eating lunch? Makes no sense to me. If you get me to eat or drink outside you must have cast a spell on me- cos I donít do that, not for anyone, not ever. They laughed at me in Rome cos I wanted to sit inside. I have only once had a coffee in public outdoors but I was under the most powerful and wonderful spell on that day.

For me it all goes Pete Tong, talking wise, if things donít turn out like Iíve planned. For example, I go to Waitrose every week at the same time, for no other reason than to ensure, as far as possible, that the woman on the fish counter (the only person I have to talk to) is the regular fish counter assistant: if she isnít there, I have a pre-prepared list- I just point to my throat then give whoever is there the list, that way no talking required Ė even though I would like to, I canít. If I go out with a group of two or three friends, then we bump into someone they know but I donít Ö canít speak to any of them Ė usually just walk away and come back later. If weíre going out for dinner, I have to tell hubby or whoever Iím with what I would like, cos I canít speak to waiters/waitresses- well, I can tell them things but if they get a question in first , forget it.. canít speak. At work, I used to have a monthly meeting with my staff, and I could talk for hours as long as there were no questions- so that became the rule.. if you have a question- send it to me by e-mail later.
The good thing is. If I get you on your own in private or out in the middle of nowhere, where nobody else is around, youíll be tempted to throttle me cos I wonít shut-up.

Unless itís arranged in advance, phone calls are just way too difficult for me, although if I phone you, thatís not a problem. Guess Iím just different, but in the words of Bill Murray near the end of Groundhog Day (thatís today BTW)Ė different is good.


I like the interweb, cos I can talk to anyone with my fingertips.... Smile
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Briant



Joined: 02 Jun 2007
Posts: 964
Location: Liverpool England UK

PostPosted: Tue Feb 02, 2010 6:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Now you've got me singing 'Tips of my fingers' by Bill Anderson. I think Ken Dodd sang it too. He did a few Bill Anderson tunes. '8x10' and 'Still' for example. I know PJ Proby sang 'Tips' on the B side of a single.
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