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The Lexicon of Lester...

 
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RockitRon



Joined: 07 Dec 2006
Posts: 7565

PostPosted: Thu Mar 04, 2010 3:33 pm    Post subject: The Lexicon of Lester... Reply with quote

...actually died a peaceful death this morning, but this, in case you haven't already seen it floating around the internet, is quite amusing.

Spuriously credited to the Washington Post, it's a collection of words with one letter added, subtracted or changed, to give it a new meaning:-


1. Cashtration : The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an ar**hole.

3. Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realise it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone : The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright
ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign
of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.

7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease.

11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a
serious bummer.

12. Decafalon : The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming
only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido : All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit : The frantic dance performed just after you've
accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug : Satan in the form of a buzzing insect, that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor : The colour you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit
you're eating.



And then new definitions of unaltered common words...

1. Coffee , n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted , adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has
gained.

3. Abdicate , v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade , v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly , adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent , adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only
a nightgown.

7. Lymph , v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle , n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence , n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been
run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash , n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle , n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude , n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon , n.. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster , n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism , n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto
the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent , n. An opening in the front of jockey shorts worn by
Jewish men.
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Rachel
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 04, 2010 4:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Smile I like those ... Smile
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SantaFefan



Joined: 07 Dec 2006
Posts: 11258
Location: top of the cliffs in Norfolk

PostPosted: Thu Mar 04, 2010 4:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Love it, especially these ones -

4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly. Laughing
5. Willy-nilly , adj. Impotent.
15. Frisbeetarianism , n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto
the roof and gets stuck there.

Laughing Laughing excellent..
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