|Lord Evan Elpuss
Joined: 10 Dec 2006
Location: Cloud Cuckoo Land
|Posted: Wed Jan 12, 2011 11:03 am Post subject: Economic Stimulus
|Here's some food for thought that I was sent.
Sometime this year, we taxpayers will receive an 'Economic Stimulus' payment.
This is very exciting, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:
Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?
A. It is money that the government will send to taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money ?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?
A. Only a little bit of it.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.
Below is some advice on how to help the U.K. economy by spending your stimulus cheque wisely:
* If you spend it at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to China , Taiwan or Sri Lanka
* If you spend it on petrol, your money will go to the Arabs.
* If you purchase a computer, you are funding India , Taiwan or China .
* If you buy fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala ..
* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea .
* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .
* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy shares, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in the UK by:
1) Spending it at car boot sales, or
2) Going to night clubs, or
3) Spending it on prostitutes, or
4) Beer or whisky or
(These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. )
Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute you met at a car boot sale and drink beer day and night.
No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.
Lord Evan Elpuss, Your ideal job is a Lumberjack.