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The BBC Radio 2 Imaginary Clock of the Week Award Show.

 
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 28, 2013 12:04 pm    Post subject: The BBC Radio 2 Imaginary Clock of the Week Award Show. Reply with quote

Coming soon, yes folks, we’re back for the long awaited second series of the most influential award show in town. The Radio 2 Imaginary Clock of the Week Award Show. Not just a once a year shindig, oh no, this baby gives out a gong every week. Yeah really!

Who qualifies? Pretty much anyone and everyone at Radio 2. If you make a sound on air, you're in with a shout.

How are people nominated? Well as it’s an imaginary award then the nominations are imaginary too. Don't panic though we can imagine all of you. Not at the same time, no, that would be imagination overload, although maybe we could.

What is the award? It’s an imaginary clock-duh! Clue in title, it can be any clock you imagine it to be but it has to be a clock, it must fit on your desk though, we don’t want to have to put in an imaginary request for 70 miles of extra headroom on the 3rd floor because you’ve imagined a really tall clock! That would cause chaos in the office, we imagine it would anyway.How would you get it home from the award ceremony in the taxi? Think big be big my friends, yes by all means but when it comes to clocks, think, I've gotta carry this baby home. You could always imagine a very large taxi too we suppose but that would be silly.

What are the rules? We just imagine them as we go along. You’ll find out what they are as time passes, for example, if we imagine a nomination and then think how do we get out of this? We imagine a rule to get out of it. The Martin Freeman rule from the last series is a good example. Genius.

Anyway enough of the rules. To the nub.

When is the show on?

Usually on a Thursday morning…..at about 11am… ish. Imagination can be hard to pin down to a definite time, sometimes. You know how it is.

So start polishing your shoes because we’re listening…


Last edited by R2Icon on Wed Jan 30, 2013 11:36 am; edited 1 time in total
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R2Icon



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PostPosted: Wed Jan 30, 2013 10:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hello Everyone! And Welcome to this, the first in the new series of who’s getting the gong this week, no hang on that’s not it- oh wrong autocue, try this: The BBC Radio 2 Imaginary Clock of the Week Award! Yay! That’s better. Now ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I must tell you this: it’s no accident that this award show has started in the same week that is known in this murky business as: the start of gong season, yes folks really, it’s like duck season: lots of orange sauce but with fewer loud bangs: we still get the waddles, oh yes (and some of those tables are really too close together aren’t they? Breathe-in, room for a small one, look if I could just get passed- I’m trying to get up there to collect my award, yes, I’m the one you’re all clapping for.), we still get the flying feathers, especially back stage, and we still get the odd quack from the audience, so put your 12 bore cartridges away, you won’t be needing those, and strap yourself in while we run through some of the gossip from the Radio 2 water-cooler this week….we love gossip. Oh yes.

Mr Tickle was seen applying elbow grease to the Breakfast Show studio- although we were impressed, you’ll have to try harder than that sweetheart, it takes more than a pair of rubber gloves! Alex Lester is on a diet (again) – we think it must be Beer and Pies this time, but apparently it works- he’s still alive but now ever so slightly smaller and has several pairs of comedy trousers that fall down when he claps. Chris Evans was going to give away a set of golf clubs one at a time but then didn’t! How does that work? It’s no matter because it gave us an idea for a book- yep a comedy military sci-fi golfing book, and you don't read many of those babies! He also mentioned that, I got You Babe, reminds him of Groundhog Day. Jeremy Vine seems taller than usual: is he the real Jeremy Vine or… new shoes? Hmmmmm- we’re keeping a close eye on you Jezza, especially where the biscuits are concerned- we know. Lynn has a snow shovel in her car- don’t mess with that girl and our Sally is, well: she’s not happy this week- she doesn’t really like award shows. Come on Sal, cheer up. Let’s do lunch.

And now folks: here are the nominations for next week’s award:- some real , some imagined and some we just made up for the fun of it but remember my Broadcasting friends, being nominated for this award only slightly improves your chances of winning it but the nominations are part of the whole award ceremony gig, so we have to do them: it’s expected, you see, part of the format- everyone likes a format- especially if there’s food involved, oh, and a goody-bag!

So in no particular order, nominations for the second in the new series of the BBC Radio 2 Imaginary Clock of the Week Award are…

No 1: Chris Evans obviously. Just for being himself.
No 2: Janice Long for the interview with Adam Ant- it was cool beans!
No 3: Clare Balding for turning up a second time! Well done.
No 4: Johnny Walker for a fab set of music this week. It was really quite good.
No 5: Rabbi Pete for being a jolly nice chap and for kissing me in Weymouth. No, No, calm down, not like that: on the cheek to say hello, he’s a Rabbi!

Now that’s next week’s nominations….. you can’t vote but you can make subtle comments on air:- they all help.

Well good luck to you guys: and that brings us nicely onto the winner of this week’s BBC Radio 2 Imaginary Clock of the Week Award, (we have to keep saying that- it’s in the contract), yes it’s the reason why we’re all here…



Drum roll……dim lights…………… now remember folks nominations are just nominations and this week it’s all been done behind closed doors but most importantly nominations don’t necessarily lead to a gong, a bit like requests… and in the words of Juliet Jake when handed a piece of paper in: are you sure this is the place Jake? Bob’s Country Bunker!:- “these are just requests”- crumple, throw…”usual set, hit it”.. the winner of the first in the new series of the BBC Radio 2 Imaginary Clock of the Week Award is …. Hang on, wait wait wait, I’ll just open the envelope……bear with me….keep the drum roll going…. rip tear pull ( slowly) and I’ll put my readers on ( we kid ourselves we don’t need glasses but we do- it’s all vanity)….there we go…

…. Oh Gosh! …….

We weren’t expecting this…

…It’s Carrots the Donkey from The Best Time of the Day Show!!!!! Yay!!!

Now, unfortunately folks apparently Carrots can’t be here with us this morning but he has sent us this photo of himself telling us what he thinks of the Award….



For the rest of you Broadcasters, don’t be disheartened, I know that being slightly less popular than the soundtrack of a Donkey called Carrots is going to make you question, 1. The authenticity of these awards, but let me assure you they are real in an imaginary kind of way – this is not industry nepotism or mutual back slapping, no, this is a completely independent Award given by real life listeners- well OK then, maybe just one and 2. Your own ability as a Broadcaster but look at it this way: the rules say that you can’t win two weeks in a row, so as far as next week’s Clock is concerned, the Donkey is already out of the picture- so it could be you! Keep broadcasting and I don’t say this enough …. Keep smiling. Until next week, Ciao!

If you have enjoyed this episode, bung a few quid to BBC CIN on your way out...

Click to give..
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b008dk4b/features/cin-donate
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RockitRon



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PostPosted: Thu Jan 31, 2013 12:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

A special clock for a worthy winner!


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 31, 2013 3:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ah, the Carrot Clock. I like that. Smile
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 06, 2013 10:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Blimey! It’s week 2 already! Yes folks we’re back again for another thrilling (pah!) episode of the BBC Radio 2 Imaginary Clock of the Week Award, and in other news, we’ve not been sued yet. Woohoo! But then why would we be? We are, after all, the award show that just keeps on giving, and we expect nothing in return. Really! Nothing.

Down at the water-cooler this week, the gossip has been mainly about lifts- it’s just a box that goes up and down on a wire. How hard can it be to make them all work? You wouldn’t have thought that the most sought after person in Broadcasting House and the other place last week was a lift engineer. Hardly any of the lifts were working last week but then some folk , erm….ahem.. Jezza, can never get in the right one anyway.
Alex is still on a diet but only during the week, so he gets to eat and drink whatever he likes at the weekend, so when it comes to weekends, Alex is looking forward to…Another!? In an Eastern Block accent of course but not while reversing into a bar with the radio on. Oh no.

Chris Evans has said he’s not going to give any more interviews, ever. We think that’s not fair. You can’t be in a business where you interview people and then say but no one can interview me. We don’t believe him, perhaps he was being ironic? Although with the Breakfast Show, the One Show, the books, the blogs, the tweets
, and all the other smart phone connectivity out there- is there anything left to know about Chris that would make a good interview. Probably.

Ken thinks we have a spy at Radio 2- well we don’t. Lynn thinks it’s all a big con: well it is all made up, you know, imaginary but no one loses anything so it can’t be a con.
The Wilson Betty and Keppel Show… ( Drivetime) are loving these awards, and we love Drivetime. Yeah, go Drivetime. Yay!

It’s been mentioned by , no names no pack-drill that we are not an Icon:- that is true. The R2 Icon is a character from a series of stories written on these pages some time ago. Just to refresh your memory, she is an ancient cybernetic organism, sent back in time to save the world, she was genetically constructed and later modified to be the perfect mate for a certain early morning DJ ( single at the time) but the plan to save the world went spectacularly wrong when the R2 Icon’s operating system was shown to be lacking in the “ how to deal with a surprise” which is something humans do to each other a lot apparently. Although she later got a job as the Radio 2 Controller ( in the story/book/movie, not in real life) she was unable to secure a place in the heart of her perfect mate because although reasonably attractive, with the body of a supermodel, funny, a great cook, knowledgeable about stuff and completely loaded, she’s not a real woman: and that would never do: in the words of Austin Powers, yeah she’s groovy baby but no one wants to shag a machine! So the world is still doomed but we digress…another story/book/movie coming soon we think.

Clare Balding had lunch in the same place as Anne Hathaway. Name dropper!
That’s it for the goss this week , which brings us nicely onto the nominations for next week’s award.

No1. Chris Evans obviously. Just for being Chris Evans.
No 2. Alex Lester for being there when I can’t sleep and at other times on the iplayer.
No 3. The Drivetime Show. The entire confection. Yummy.
No 4. Sally Traffic, for her view of a Scottish Motorway at those awards last week.
No 5. Steve Wright for rising above it all and being fabulous.

Remember you can’t vote, so don’t phone in….subtle comments always welcome though but no begging please, yes you know who you are, Richard Allinson. Playing all that Blondie is always going to win you points with us but come on, we’re not that easy….

And now ladies and gentlemen the moment you’ve all been waiting for , put your chicken wings down and wipe your fingers… drum roll…… the winner of the 2nd and globally acclaimed BBC Radio 2 Imaginary Clock of the Week Award is….for that fantastic interview with Mr Adam Ant…
it's Janice Long… yay!



That's it folks , you see how it works now.... until next week... ciao baby.
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2013 4:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hello! Jolly bad planning this week, it seems that this week at the Radio 2 Imaginary Clock of the Week Awards we coincide with yet another award show, so our audience ( such as it is) might be down a little on previous weeks but we feel that this show is big enough to stand up for itself – face to face, juxtaposed with The Young Brass Awards, yes we can blow trumpets too! So where are we? Well it’s nearly the middle of February already. How come January lasts forever and then whoosh, February is gone before you know it’s arrived. Easter is upon us , just 40 days and nights to go then it’s just a week away after that. No time at all.

Down at the water cooler this week things have been fairly quiet really. Has our bug been found, our mole outted, our fly on the wall swatted? No. It’s just February is never a good month for gossip, that is, unless you know where to find it. You see, gossip always takes a little while to filter down to the water-cooler. Water-cooler gossip is what is known in the trade as “low level” gossip, tittle-tattle, a flow down from the proper behind the scenes gossip that goes on in locked offices and only then amongst the proper grown-ups. It just so happens.. that… well this is what we heard…whist locked in just such an office. Negotiations are in place to lure another Chris to 2. Who could that be? We know no more than that. And speaking of Chris, another Chris that is: there is a bit of an uneasy feeling in the Breakfast Show Team: it seems no one wants to be the one to tell him, so it has fallen to us to shoulder the burden of responsibility of revelation for whatever may occur next. ( Probably nothing) You see, each morning Chris introduces his team one after another, and this in the main, is all jolly well done, and why not: well done that is , until he says…bla bla and Mr Tickle Esquire bla bla… It is just a small point of order but we’re told it’s driving those in the team with a penchant for pedantry to distraction. You can’t be a Mr and an Esquire. One or the other, never both. Esquire is a romantic, dated and little used title of respect for the lowest order of the Gentry – posh folk -people with money, land and ponies, not to be confused with squire, which has a completely different meaning. And Mr ( or Mrs Miss Ms if female) is the lowest form of address for the rest of us Oiks, people with no money, no land and beef burgers, unless of course you’re in the military or a surgeon in which case Mr has a different meaning altogether. So It’s either “Mr Tickle” or “P Tickle Esquire.” Usually abbreviated to Esq. ( if his initial is P that is: it could be any other letter for all we know) Anyway there you go… do with that what you will.. see it’s easy you just tell him, he doesn’t bite….. much.
In other news Alex discovered yet another cheap hotel on his regular nerds night out which is really just a regular competition to see which of them can find the cheapest hotel to stay in, so they can have those blokey, my hotel is worse than yours conversations, to keep the love alive until the pubs close. If you have to put money in the shower you know you’re in with a chance. Alex was also spotted in Abbey Road disguised as a Paraguayan backing singer hoping to make some cash-money on the side during the Please Please Me re-record by various artists….

Anyway that brings us nicely on to nominations for next week’s Radio 2 Imaginary Clock of the Week Award.

No 1. Chris Evans obviously just for being himself.
No 2. Jo Whiley for being brilliant.
No 3. Alex Lester for lots of twitter activity and other mad stuff on the radio.
No 4. Jeremy Vine for dealing with the horsemeat scandal without joking about it.
No 5. Bob Shennan for that memo about gossip at the water-cooler.

Ok here we go…..Drum roll ,,, lights down …….. let’s have a big roar for this week’s winner of the World renowned, much loved, much coveted, near impossible to win, and never given away lightly, yes the BBC Radio 2 Imaginary Clock of the Week Award….



It’s Sally Traffic…. Yay!


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RockitRon



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PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2013 7:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oo-eerr - Sally Traffic in a gymslip! Razz
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 14, 2013 8:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

RockitRon wrote:
Oo-eerr - Sally Traffic in a gymslip! Razz

I think she's in a truck, Ron Very Happy
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littlepieces



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PostPosted: Fri Feb 15, 2013 12:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I love Janice and Alex does this make me bi or just very confused?

Chocolate lover aged 42 lowestoft
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