R2OK! Forum Index R2OK!
Contact R2OK! admin

Click here for R2OK! Website


 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

Shyness

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    R2OK! Forum Index -> The Jeremy Vine Show
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
R2Icon



Joined: 10 Sep 2009
Posts: 1444

PostPosted: Fri Feb 10, 2012 11:37 am    Post subject: Shyness Reply with quote

I'd ring and tell them what it feels like to be shy but I'm too shy to do it.


Apparently being shy is selfish. How do they work that out? Shy girl gets no chocolate- so that means thereís more for everyone else- thatís not selfish.
Being shy is a real problem sometimes. I think shyness is not about being shy, itís about being worried, worried youíll say the wrong thing, do the wrong the thing, worried that, what youíve got to say is dull and boring, of no interest to anyone.

Shyness is often just being overly polite, you have something fantastic to say but you canít get a word in, because some complete *rse is boring the pants off everyone with a dull yet endless story about their dadís fishing boat. Look itís just a boat- now shut Ėup is what you really want to say but youíre too polite.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Helen May



Joined: 10 Dec 2006
Posts: 18219
Location: Cheshire

PostPosted: Fri Feb 10, 2012 12:09 pm    Post subject: Re: Shyness Reply with quote

R2Icon wrote:
I think shyness is not about being shy, itís about being worried, worried youíll say the wrong thing, do the wrong the thing, worried that, what youíve got to say is dull and boring, of no interest to anyone.

Shyness is often just being overly polite, you have something fantastic to say but you canít get a word in, because some complete *rse is boring the pants off everyone with a dull yet endless story about their dadís fishing boat. Look itís just a boat- now shut Ėup is what you really want to say but youíre too polite.


Agree with that Rachel completely. I'm actually very shy as well although not quite as much as when I was a child.

H
_________________
88 - 91 FM this is Radio 2 from the BBC!

I said it live on air in the studio with Jeremy Vine on 10/3/2005
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
littlepieces



Joined: 10 Jan 2010
Posts: 1098
Location: Lowestoft

PostPosted: Fri Feb 10, 2012 12:10 pm    Post subject: Re: Shyness Reply with quote

R2Icon wrote:
I'd ring and tell them what it feels like to be shy but I'm too shy to do it.


Apparently being shy is selfish. How do they work that out? Shy girl gets no chocolate- so that means thereís more for everyone else- thatís not selfish.
Being shy is a real problem sometimes. I think shyness is not about being shy, itís about being worried, worried youíll say the wrong thing, do the wrong the thing, worried that, what youíve got to say is dull and boring, of no interest to anyone.

Shyness is often just being overly polite, you have something fantastic to say but you canít get a word in, because some complete *rse is boring the pants off everyone with a dull yet endless story about their dadís fishing boat. Look itís just a boat- now shut Ėup is what you really want to say but youíre too polite.


Agree 100% the amount of times i have been bored stupid by Mr Chatty is countless and of course his wife Mrs Chatty
_________________
I found out how you can hurt an insect.It's the bees knees
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
R2Icon



Joined: 10 Sep 2009
Posts: 1444

PostPosted: Fri Feb 10, 2012 12:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

That is why the interweb is full of shy people- you can say what you want- when you want.

On the web, Iím in your face, vivacious, lively, full of life and jollity Ė the life and soul. In real life, Iím dull and boring, a quiet, studious individual with the most serious of minds.( or so people think). Although when I was young things were much worse: being the youngest of seven, I was always having fun poked at me by my six older brothers, so itís in my mind that groups of people are there to poke fun at me. I can deal with a person- one on one, no problem, I canít deal with people, a group, I never know which one to talk to, where to start, what to say- even if I know them all as individuals- as soon as theyíre in a group, my lips become glued together. It makes me ill, physically sick, if I have to give a presentation.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
ruddlescat



Joined: 16 Sep 2010
Posts: 18010
Location: Near Chester

PostPosted: Fri Feb 10, 2012 12:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I also agree with everything which has been said above

I would also add that shyness can also be brought on by ones upbringing in early childhood - for example if a parent avoids discussing issues of sexuality and relationships generally that can result in shyness when it comes to the person's relationships in later life

Shyness can also be brought on by someone getting self obsessed about their appearance and convincing themself that they are not attractive to others or by convincing themselves that they are not as intelligent as their peers

It's a very complex subject which probably has no single cause but it's a very common problem

I am naturally a shy person and even to this day get embarrased very easily but something very unexpected and lifechanging happened to me just over ten years ago which forced me to address my shyness problems and whilst the whole thing caused me a lot of other difficulties at least shyness is only a very minor thing for me now

Incidentally, like Rachel, I think that on fora like this you will often find that there are very many contributors who have problems with shyness because participating in a forum group gives them the chance to interact with others from a distance rather than having to deal with them face to face - I simply make that point as an observation and not being in any way critical because it's perfectly understandable for that kind of thing to happen Smile
_________________
Are you ready for a Ruddles?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Helen May



Joined: 10 Dec 2006
Posts: 18219
Location: Cheshire

PostPosted: Fri Feb 10, 2012 12:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Despite that I have phoned in and spoken on the radio which I can't understand......

Also I went to see the Beatles on my own at the age of 11. I suppose it doesn't seem to tie up!

H
_________________
88 - 91 FM this is Radio 2 from the BBC!

I said it live on air in the studio with Jeremy Vine on 10/3/2005
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
RockitRon



Joined: 07 Dec 2006
Posts: 7565

PostPosted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 8:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Three aborted messages later, I will just say that I can equate with most of what Rachel and Ruddles have said.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
R2Icon



Joined: 10 Sep 2009
Posts: 1444

PostPosted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 9:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Iíve been thinking about this quite deeply over the weekend. Looking at shyness from the other side of the fence, (the people on the receiving end) it could be, I conceded, a little selfish to be shy. You see those people may have to work harder to draw the shy person out, it could be, for example, that your boss has to ask you for your input when youíre on your own with him instead of in a meeting with everyone else- so he has to make that special effort just for you, or perhaps at a social gathering, your partner has to do all the conversational work with you just nodding, perhaps smiling now and again and enjoying the show. Most people I know outside ďthe zoneĒ donít think Iím shy at all- they think Iím arrogant, conceited and have a superiority complex, well maybe I do, but Iím still not going to talk to them unnecessarily. Smile
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
ruddlescat



Joined: 16 Sep 2010
Posts: 18010
Location: Near Chester

PostPosted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 11:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I see what you're saying Rach but I'm not sure I agree that shyness can be described as 'selfish'

That would imply that someone was making a positive decision to have the luxury of being shy (if you could call it that) but in reality shy people have a condition or state of mind over which they usually have very limited influence and little control so they cannot make a choice

That's how I see it from years of experience Smile
_________________
Are you ready for a Ruddles?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
mark occomore



Joined: 07 Dec 2006
Posts: 9955
Location: UK

PostPosted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 3:14 pm    Post subject: Re: Shyness Reply with quote

Helen May wrote:
R2Icon wrote:
I think shyness is not about being shy, itís about being worried, worried youíll say the wrong thing, do the wrong the thing, worried that, what youíve got to say is dull and boring, of no interest to anyone.

Shyness is often just being overly polite, you have something fantastic to say but you canít get a word in, because some complete *rse is boring the pants off everyone with a dull yet endless story about their dadís fishing boat. Look itís just a boat- now shut Ėup is what you really want to say but youíre too polite.


Agree with that Rachel completely. I'm actually very shy as well although not quite as much as when I was a child.

H



Your not shy sending emails to Jeremy Laughing It was something about the Greek Euro and burning buildings in Athens. They must have been watching how our riots were like last year.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
R2Icon



Joined: 10 Sep 2009
Posts: 1444

PostPosted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 4:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

ruddlescat wrote:
I see what you're saying Rach but I'm not sure I agree that shyness can be described as 'selfish'

That would imply that someone was making a positive decision to have the luxury of being shy (if you could call it that) but in reality shy people have a condition or state of mind over which they usually have very limited influence and little control so they cannot make a choice

That's how I see it from years of experience Smile


I donít know, Rudds, if you allow your shyness to dominate when you know that really you want to say something, isnít that the same as making a positive decision to say nothing? Perhaps the physical feeling of shyness Ė and it is quite physical in a psychosomatic-physiological way, is a manifestation of the conflict between what you think and what you feel. A fight, if you like, between head and heart, in which, we as shy people allow the heart to win every time.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
ruddlescat



Joined: 16 Sep 2010
Posts: 18010
Location: Near Chester

PostPosted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 4:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well Rach, I suppose in the situation you describe in one sense a person is making a positive decision to say nothing but is a very shy person really capable of making a positive decision to speak out?

Although nothing like as serious I suppose it's a bit like a situation where a person with mental health problems sadly kills another human being and at their trial they plead 'not guilty' on the grounds of diminished responsibility

In other words they made a positive decision to end a life but in reality they are saying the event was unavoidable because of their mental state at the time which would not allow them to make any alternate decision

I believe shy people often are unable to speak out rather than just making a choice not to do so
_________________
Are you ready for a Ruddles?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    R2OK! Forum Index -> The Jeremy Vine Show All times are GMT
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © phpBB Group. Hosted by phpBB.BizHat.com