R2OK!

Rachel · Guest

Well so much for my plans:- I won’t be here at home on Monday or any of the next 3 weeks( will be checking out what Radio 2 sounds like in Cornwall) So I’ve been faced with two choices – postpone the release of the movie(which was to be in five parts each morning next week) or turn a negative into a positive and go for a world premiere – and show the entire movie ( directors cut) tonight!

I’ve plumped for the latter.

Now just a few words by way of explanation, and apologies in advance.

First of all, it’s important to remember this is not a true story.
Secondly, if you are in the story, it’s cos I like you- even if you have a rubbish part. If you are not in the story it doesn’t mean I don’t like you. You’re all in there really- in my mind anyway.

The poor grammar, bad spelling and atrocious punctuation are part of the ambiguity the story is meant to convey.

Brought to you in association with Jack O’Nory Films Ltd and sponsored by the Skincare Expert Dr Dermot O’Logical.

Rachel · Guest

Rating Wars II – The Ego of The Moyles.

The world of broadcasting had seen much better days; the Moyles- once very nearly beaten in the ratings war, was back on top-form controlling the masses, and the ratings, with his constant barrage of early morning cluster-tripe. Rajar, the Evil Emperor of the airwaves was happy, possibly the only life-form in the Galaxy to be happy. The Moyles was here to stay. There was no escape for the listening masses on Planet Earth – the grip of the Moyles combined with Rajar’s ability to manipulate the listener figures at will, meant that there was no future for Radio 2 or any other radio station. To make matters much worse, the R2-I-con had fallen from her victorious position – the Moyles had her broken up then recycled as a swimming pool filtration unit. The Moyles, in a genius of self-brand marketing had somehow managed to endear himself to the listening public by engaging in a little charity work- the bulk of which involved following a pretty girl’s bottom as she wiggled her way up a mountain- all in the name of fun. Even Captain Wogan had good things to say about the Moyles- it couldn’t get any better for the Moyles but it still wasn’t enough for his ever growing Ego. He would stop at nothing to see Radio 2 out of business…..

Radio 2 Emergency Control Bunker- Monthly Planning /Crisis Meeting
Rear Admiral Sir “Bob” Shenanigans – was in the “Chair”

[Bob] Welcome everyone.

[All] Hello Bob

[Bob] We have a problem- do any of you know what that problem is?

[Lt kay] The air-conditioning in studio 6A isn’t working again sir?

[Bob] no not that kind of problem Lt Kay- this is a people problem – well more of a, person problem actually.

[All] What person?

[Bob] the only person too busy eating sausages to spare time enough to come to this crisis meeting.

[No 1] You mean Wogan? But he never comes to any meetings. He always has “conflicting diary issues”.

[Bob] The very man. We need a plan to get… erm… encourage Wogan to move on.

[No 1] You mean sack him?

[Bob] Goodness no- the listeners would never forgive us, and things with them are bad enough already – I’m thinking a promotion would do the trick.

[No 1] but he’s already in the top slot .

[Bob] ah yes Commander Evans … but he’s in the top slot for a Starship Captain- we’re going to promote Wogan to Vice Admiral then give him a desk-job in charge of the creative design department.

[Nav 1] Do we have a creative design department?

[Bob] No we don’t Commander Sally– but that can be Wogan’s first assignment – to find the creative design department.

[No1] but who will be our captain on the Starship Drivetime?

[Bob] You will, Commander … err ..no… Captain….. Evans,….yes I like that, and you’ll be known as Captain Chris or just CC for the benefit of the authoress.

[CC] woohoo – yes yes yes! The swivel chair! That’s gotta be better than a couple of Sonys!…. But what about Wogan – where will he live?

[Bob] Oh we’ve had a small retiremen…. err… no…. 2 bed-roomed broadcasting annex bolted onto the back of the Starship Drivetime. It has everything he needs – totally self-contained. You won’t need to worry about Wogan ever again- his annex even comes with a lifetime membership of the Galaxy Bowls Club. He’ll love it! He’ll be far too busy finding himself to be bothered with broadcasting.

[CC] Well I’d love to be there to see whoever gets to tell him the news- who is going to tell him the news?

[Bob] well,….. you’re the Captain now…..Captain Chris.

Rachel · Guest

Meanwhile back on Earth, just off the Anerley Road in Penge, in the underbelly of a swimming pool filtration system….

Beep……

Beep Beep….

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz……. Beep!

Blue Angel Technology Ltd…….

Auto reconfiguration in process…. please wait……..

Deleting application “swimming pool” … please wait…

Loading BBC databases… please wait….

Loading cybernetic regeneration protocol… please wait…

Loading proactive human response database …please wait…

Loading management speak database…please wait…

Loading galactic weaponry database….please wait..

Loading target profile- “the Moyles”….please wait…

Loading self-aware protocol…please wait…..

Loading extra curricular activities and perfect concubine profile… please wait…

Auto reconfiguration complete: R2-Icon…. Active and self aware.

Beep!….

Orbiting Space Dock 2. Outside the main doorway to the Starship Drivetime- docking bay 17b.
Shore leave is a rare treat for the Radio 2 crew, so it was late in the evening by the time Captain Chris’ shuttle flight arrived back at the docking bay complex high above the Earth’s atmosphere. Captain Chris made his way though the long cold corridors arriving at the main doorway to the Drivetime. The lone guard congratulated Captain Chris on his recent promotion, and then she opened the door. The Drivetime was a massive Starship, anchored at the D2 Space Station, –it was the biggest Broadcasting Starship ever built and there, just inside the main doorway stood the new Captain – the rest of the crew would arrive tomorrow, but for now, it was just Captain Chris and the most powerful broadcasting weapon ever created. Captain Chris made his way up to the bridge, even though he already knew the Starship Drivetime like the back of his hand, having been second in command as its No1 for so many years, everything seemed new- he sat down in the Captain’s swivel chair, leaned back and smiled as he surveyed the technological idle, a veritable vista of broadcasting fun that lay dormant before him. The click-clack of the bridge cat-flap signalled the arrival of one of Lt Kay’s flight companions. A large white cat with blue eyes leapt onto Captain Chris’s lap – he once again leaned back in his swivel chair, stroked “Relish”, a large Venusian White, as he reminisced about his Moonraker inspired childhood dreams of being James Bond. After a short period of cat-stroking-reminiscent-bliss, Captain Chris jumped out of his dreamy wonder with a start; hang on; this is making me look like a Bond Villain he thought to himself- I want to be the hero- the one who brings down the Moyles. Captain Chris stood up then span his swivel chair around – a name written on the back of the chair flashed by as the chair span quickly - it said “Wooooogggggaaaaaaan” the previous captain’s name woven into the fabric was still there for all to see. This will never do thought Captain Chris- he made a new sign- a sheet of A4 – “Evans” in bold black marker pen, and then with a smile to himself, he taped it over Wogan’s name before retiring to his new captain’s quarters to grab some sleep- the crew would arrive very early next morning.

Next morning arrived as quickly as the next sentence. Captain Chris was woken by Lt Sarah Kay- the captains’ personal catering officer, and part time broadcaster.

[Lt Kay] Breakfast sir?… Oh congratulations on your promotion by the way. Did I mention the air-conditioning in studio 6a isn’t working properly sir?

[CC] Ah yes, nothing like a good old egg and bacon butty before taking on the Moyles.

[Lt Kay] Sorry to disappoint sir but the egg and bacon butty is auff- just muesli this morning sir. Vice Admiral Wogan arrived very late last night feeling a bit peckish – he’s moved all of his rare-breed bacon, sausages and free-range eggs to the Annex. Did no one tell you that the captain always has outside catering?

[CC] You mean I have to supply my own food?

[Lt Kay] Health and Safety apparently sir – those are the rules for Starship Captains.

[CC] I’ll skip breakfast thanks.

Captain Chris made his way up to the bridge – there was rapturous applause from his waiting team as he entered then took his place in the captain’s chair for the first time as “The Captain” on an operational mission. This he thought to himself: is what dreams are made of. Almost the entire Radio 2 Broadcasting Team at their positions and ready for launch, just to clarify, that’s launch… not lunch.

[CC] Everybody ready to take on the Moyles?

[All] aye Captain!!!…

[CC] No1

[Cdr Wright] yes sir –

[CC] I’ve always wanted to say this….Set course, Zone five- Broadcasting Hyperspace, sub level nine,….<pause for effect>…… Engage! That’s where it’s at baby! Congratulations on your promotion by the way Wrighty…

[Cdr Wright] Nav 1 , Nav 2 – all of that what he just said……Make it so!

Rachel · Guest

The Starship Drivetime blasted into Broadcasting Hyperspace sub-level nine – the entire carcass of the massive structure shuddered into resonant life – the Galaxy was once again alive with Radio 2 weekday daytime electromagnetic heaven. The airwave war was raging once again. Everyone though, had ignored the small thud early on in the launch sequence. The Annex complete with its blissfully ignorant inhabitant – Vice Admiral Wogan – had fallen off the back of the Drivetime during launch and was now hurtling Earthwards at V-max. Wogan was still sleeping off that extra round of sausages, dreaming of a Spicy Polony; completely unaware of his plummeting plight.

Rear Admiral Sir Bob Shenanigans was onboard the Drivetime, staying in the Guest VIP suite: he looked very uneasy, perhaps even a bit shifty in his surroundings, he took his briefcase from under the table, opened it – looked at the sixteen annex securing bolts then laughed loudly. He took the bolts, and an adjustable space spanner then placed them in the junk-jettison-chute, and then pressing the dump button he thought to himself, all evidence that he’d had anything to do with Wogan’s unfortunate position was now like Wogan himself; lost in space. The Rear Admiral made his way to the Shuttle Departure Lounge then without saying a word to anyone, boarded his shuttle flight back to Earth.

Somewhere near St John’s Wood – London

Commander Lester woke with a feeling that he was late. He was late; he’d missed the launch of the Drivetime. I shouldn’t have had that last pint and the double egg fu- yung he thought whilst looking at himself in his bathroom mirror. Oh well, he said out loud to his refection, if you’re going to be late, handsome, you may as well be late properly and enjoy your breakfast- I can catch the afternoon shuttle. Alex thought he’d spend the morning packing his microphones and music ready for the week ahead. There was a knock at his door. Who could it be?
Alex’s jaw hit the floor when he opened the door to his flat- It was the R2 I-con, wet-thru.

[I-con] Hello Alex.

[AL] Hello wha…. wha… what ….oh can you smell chlorine?

[I-con] never mind that Alex- I’ve been away.

[AL] yes we heard- how are things with you now?

[I-con] things are fine, more importantly, you need to fill me in on what’s been happening at Radio 2 - I have an uneasy feeling that the Moyles is up to something; Alex- I need to know everything…

[AL] well I have to catch the lunchtime shuttle, I’m late already – we can talk on the way.

80 miles above the surface of the Earth – travelling at V-max - The Annex.
Wogan woke up feeling a tad warm, the extreme heat caused as his Broadcasting Annex entered the Earth’s atmosphere had given rise to an internal temperature of somewhere in the early 90s - and getting warmer. Oh what now, Wogan said to himself, as he made his way to the air-conditioning control panel. The floor was very warm , even a tad hot- Wogan walked over to the window to see if he could identify the problem. A-ha, I see the problem – it’s a re-entry frictional thermo-response problem. Wogan, a wily old fox, had planned for this very event. You just can’t trust anyone to do a good job these days he thought before he pressed the emergency auto-land button, then made his way to the kitchen- thinking they can’t pull the wool over my eyes. Nothing – absolutely nothing- not even an imminent high-speed collision with Planet Earth was ever going to interrupt Wogan’s breakfast. The auto-land function kicked into life as Wogan set about frying his sausages.

Rachel · Guest

Regent’s Park – London

Alex and the I-con walked from St John’s Wood then started to make their way across Regent’s Park. A blinding light stopped them dead in their tracks. A huge chunk of space-junk that looked like a giant portakabin landed with a heavy thud right there in front of them in Regent’s Park. They went over to see what it might be. Probably Aliens said the I-con. I don’t like the sound of that, let’s get out of here, said Alex. Hang on, said the I-con, the door is opening.

[Alex] OMG!

[I-con] What is it Alex?

[Alex] It’s Wogan , in his fluffy dressing-gown and Pudsy Slippers, and mmmmmmmm with a frying pan full of sausages too!

[I-con] Gosh, I wonder what he is doing here in Regent’s Park?

[Alex] Well I don’t know about you ma’am but I’m hungry.

[Wogan] Oh hello ma’am – not seen you for a while- have you been on holiday?

[I-con] not quite Captain Wogan but I have been away.

[Wogan] Oh it’s not Captain anymore ma’am – it’s Vice Admiral now.

[I-con] but that’s a non-broadcasting rank- what is going on- who is in command of the Drivetime?

[Wogan] oh it’s that young whippersnapper Captain Chris…and ma’am, I don’t like to be the snitch but he made chocolate cup-cakes in the studio.

[I-con] Doh!

[Wogan] no ma’am not bread, cup-cakes. Sausage ma’am?

[I-con] Captain Chris!?- Chocolate cup-cakes? In the studio! What!? Does he not remember the incident with the Jacket Potato!? Who is running R2 these days?

[Wogan] Some new guy no one has heard of ma’am ---hang on what’s his name again … no no don’t help me it’s erm…. oh I very nearly had a meeting with him but something important came up, now what was it..… ah yes, Rear Admiral Sir Bob Shenanigans…..but it’s worse than that ma’am – the new guy drinks French Wine!!

[Alex] I can vouch for that ma’am.

Onboard the Starship Drivetime mid-way through the breakfast show….

[CC] …and that was The Killers, but no, what do I mean no, I mean now, yes folks here it is- the moment we’ve all been waiting for- hang on where’s the jingle, there it is…and again.. yes folks it’s cook-along time again with Captain Chris, and on today’s breakfast menu, it’s gonna get you going, yes it’s - gourmet galactic-green-grape and prune porridge. What do think Sal- have you got all your ingredients ready?

[Nav 1] Didn’t we have that last week?

[CC] yes we did Sal, but everyone liked it so much – we’re doing it again this week-it’s what the listeners are telling us they want-and we don’t ignore the listeners- not on this show, now how cool is that?!

[Nav1] Oh… very

[CC] Are you sure that you have all the ingredients ready Sal?

[Nav 1] Yes! And a pan and a knife and oh hang on no ..oh come on– who’s had all the grapes?!

[Nav 2] Emergency Broadcast Interruption Code 7- Primary Auto Stab Failure. – Buckle up everyone this is gonna be rough.

[CC] What’s going on Commander Bowles?

[Nav 2] You broke the first rule of broadcasting in space Captain.

[CC] Oh no! What rule ? Come to think of it – I can remember the I-con mentioning some rules…..… now what was the first one again?

[All] You can’t fly a Starship with crumbs in your keyboard!

[CC] Initiate Manual Stability Jets.

[Nav 2] They’re not responding sir- jammed with porridge and grapes from last-week’s spillage.

[Nav 1] Steering Gear Failure Sir- initiating back-up- …………no response Sir.

[Nav 2] Sat-Nav is dead Sir- no back-up available. Everything is dead.

[CC] Commander Ken-divert all power to manual flight control.

[Nav1] but Sir –that means shutting down our Broadcast.

[CC] Make it so Nav 1.

[PWO] but sir if we stop broadcasting for more than 60 seconds – we lose our slot on the Galactic Spectrum – we’ll be history; our frequency will be reallocated to another station- the Moyles will have won the war.

[CC] Don’t you see what is going on here –look on the emergency forward view screen, we’ve been caught in pull of the Big Broadcasting Black-Hole- we have no choice…Nav 1- send a distress signal…..

[Nav 1] surely Rachel wouldn’t have us – her friends, her only friends at the other end of the airwaves- friends that she’s known and loved her entire adult life, come to a horrid end as we’re crushed in the deathly grip of the Galaxy’s biggest Broadcasting Black Hole?…..If there’s anyone else out there ….Help!

[CC] To the escape pods everyone.

[Lt Kay] Wait! There’s no point going to the Escape Pods.

[CC] why not?

[Lt Kay] They’ve all gone sir … I’ve just been sent a text from Relish, Pickles and Chutney.

[CC] your cats?!

[Lt Kay] yes sir … well they can sense danger you see – they left in the Escape Pods ages ago.

[CC] What did they say?

[Lt Kay] well sir, Relish said, meeeeow muap muap meow.. , Pickles said, muarrrra murrrraaa meowwwwww… and Chutney said , please beam-over the tin-opener and BTW you’re heading for a Black-hole.

[CC] well this really is it…we’re gonners…...it’s been great working with you all – I’m proud to have been your Captain even if it lasted for just half a show – we may as well get it out in the open - kiss me Jonny!

[Nav 1} Oh get a room you two!

[All] Oh Noooooooooooooooooo! Oh yuck….

[Nav1 ] Oh Captain Evans and Cabin Boy Jonny. What are you like?…..

Meanwhile …. A Radio 2 Shuttle arrived at the shuttle bay of the flagship of the Moyles Fleet- the BGS Interference; a retched hive of broadcasting scum and villainy. Rear Admiral Bob Shenanigans emerged from the shuttle, unzipped his uniform, peeled off a facemask, and unveiled himself to the waiting guards. It was the Moyles himself- his ego expanding as he stalked off into his vile broadcasting medium- laughing deeply with two of his personal guards. The real Rear Admiral Sir Bob Shenanigans had been kidnapped by the Moyles on his first day at Radio 2 – no one at Radio 2 had actually met the real Bob Shenanigans-; he, was bound and gagged then hidden where no one would ever find him. The Des O’Connor CD storage facility was the best place to hide anything at Radio 2 – it seems CDs were only ever put in there letter box style- never taken out. A fitting end for anyone at Radio 2 daring to pit his or her wits against the Moyles. (It was the Moyles all along who’d been running Radio 2 since the I-con had left)

Regent’s Park.

[I-con] OMG! I’ve just received a distress call from the Drivetime- they’re going off air in 30 seconds…… do you know what this means?

[Wogan] Yes Ma’am, we have just 30 seconds to come up with a plan to save Radio 2, the Starship Drivetime, and the entire Radio 2 Team, then put it into action.

[I-con] On the ball as ever Captain Wogan.

[Wogan] She called me Captain…..you mean …. I can broadcast again ma’am?

[I-con] We never want you stop Captain Wogan.

Alex …this is your moment,……… it’s time to unzip your microphone.

Wogan; can we Broadcast from the Annex?

[Wogan] yes ma’am!

[I-con] Initiate Emergency Broadcast IRPP- galaxy wide. Hit it!

[Alex] Hellooooooooooooooooo London!

Captain Wogan and Commander Lester took ownership of the Radio 2- live network broadcasting-multilink-transmission-interface; saving Radio 2’s frequency allocation- just in the nick of time. The emergency IRPP is a pre-planned (like a royal funeral- to every detail, years in advance) Impromptu Roadshow Party in the Park. The Radio 2 central communications database sent a text and e-mail to every Radio 2 listener and ice-cream man ever to have contacted Radio 2. In moments Regent’s Park would be flooded with loyal fans, and enough ice-cream-men to keep them cool as they danced and cheered to the rock steady beat of Captain Wogan and Commander Lester’s irresistible broadcasting know-how.

[I-con] but what about the Drivetime?

[Wogan] They’re heading for a black hole- nothing can save them now ma’am.

[I-con] How long do we have we before they all die a horrible death?

[Wogan] a couple of hours tops, ma’am.

Rachel · Guest

London and the southeast came to a complete standstill as listeners all over, abandoned their transport, then converged on foot to Regent’s Park. The crowd grew and grew as the Road-Show progressed. The on-line instantaneous Rajar listener count meter was at FSD Radio 2- the needle was near snapping point; the Moyles’ plan steal the Radio 2 airspace had been foiled but the Party in the Park couldn’t go on forever…..
Then…..

[I-con] I have an idea:- it’s a long shot but it might just work, introduce me to the crowd, then hand me a microphone. I need to broadcast like I‘ve never broadcast before.

[Wogan] but ma’am your real identity is a state secret – you can’t go out on stage.- how will you ever retain your anonymity? The press will tear you apart ma’am.

[I-con] it’s too late for that now Captain Wogan – this is a one-way trip for me- we have to save the Drivetime and the R2 crowd- whatever the cost.

[Alex] but ma’am….we’ve not had that coffee yet…

[I-con] don’t worry Alex- Picture this- this will be our finest hour……

Wogan and Alex worked the crowd into and apoplectic fenzy of excitement

[Wogan] and now ladies and gentlemen – the lady without whom, non of this would have been possible – please put your hands together for the one and only- The Radio 2 I-con. All yours ma’am….

The I-con took a deep breath then walked to centre stage carrying the legendary missing microphone in her right hand. The crowd became silent – only the beeps and clicks of the paparazzi’s equipment could be heard over the silent air; now thick with anticipation. The silence gave way to quiet gasps and whispering- that’s her from you know- are you sure- yes look it is. The I-con, held the microphone to her lips and said, “hello London”. The crowd went wild! The I-con adopted her favourite Yoga position, then held the microphone to the crowd, they cheered louder and louder. The cheering started in cafés, bars, factories and offices all across the land.
The I-con fed the output from the microphone – passed it through her onboard Travelling Wave Tube then into her Reflex Compression Electromagnetic Hyper- Dynamic Tractor Beam Generator, then raising her left arm skywards, she directed her Tractor Beam powered by the nation’s love for Radio 2 at the stricken Starship Drivetime. The I-con glowed first red-hot, then white-hot….

On board the Starship Drivetime things were still quite jovial considering they were moments away from certain death. The game of charades organised by Captain Chris, to see out their last moments, was in full swing.

[Nav 1] is it On Golden Pond?……..no… well how about the Fabulous Baker Boys?.. hang on , look!! We’re going backwards….

[CC] to your positions everyone.

[Cdr Ken] Sir! We have power restoration.

[CC] What is going on?

[Nav 2] It’s the R2 I-con sir , she’s pulling us out of the Black Hole with that whatsit tractor beam thing she was always hoping she’d never have to use.

[CC] you mean we’ve been saved.

[Nav 1] Yes sir!

[CC] Ok everyone , listen in , when we get back to Earth , nobody is to mention Jonny and the kissing thing… OK…

[Nav 1] of course sir – we wouldn’t tell anyone about that would we?

[All] our lips are sealed.

The Drivetime was pulled from the jaws of destruction to hover over Broadcasting House for just a few moments before landing across the roofs of London. The vibration during the landing process caused the door of the Des O’connor CD storage facility to open – the real Bob Shenanigans who’d kept himself alive eating the quite nutritious CD cardboard inserts and booklets was released. The Drivetime- had been saved, Radio 2 - had been saved, the new controller - had been saved, a new Roadshow format born, the Moyles- defeated, but in all the excitement nobody noticed that the I-con had deactivated. She was reduced to a smouldering heap of Boron-Titanium Semi-Monocoque Cybernetic wreckage on the stage. Alex took the still very warm, limp and wheezing I-con in his arms, then took her away for coffee.

10 years later.

Radio 2 was thriving – the ratings war with the Moyles -a distant memory but what of the I-con? It is said by some that she never recovered from saving Radio 2- her triple dodecahedral-cored processors didn’t survive the extreme heat and she was sent for scrap, others say that she resides to this day in the vicinity of St John’s Wood but she never ventures outside- no one is really sure.

RockitRon · Joined: 07 Dec 2006 Posts: 7646

Phew, Rach! What energy and imagination!

It's like the thrill of a rollercoaster ride, with the corn of a sketch from I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again ("...cup cakes in the studio - Doh! - No, ma'am, not bread, cup cakes"), or a Dr Who style mission to save planet R2.

It's a lovely piece of whimsy, with some wicked turns of phrase (I like the "constant barrage of early morning cluster-tripe") and a happy, but open ending. We get a summer roadshow (are they really going to spend money on that?), but does CC get the breakfast show, or does Terry carry on with his snorkers?...

I just hope the R2I-con can be resusitated at some point (volunteers to give the kiss of life? Very Happy

) because I don't think we've heard the last of The Moyles.
_________________
Ron

Rachel · Guest

Rating Wars II is now available on DVD- we’ve all seen the movie but with it, there’s a DVD bonus disk, packed full of exclusive interviews with the stars, deleted scenes, and photographs of the movie being made. Also there’s a rare extended interview with and an opportunity to get closer to the R2 I-con herself. Watch here for details over the coming weeks.

Rachel · Guest

Bonus DVD. Contents

1. Zoe Ball interviews the stars:

1. Sir T “Captain Wogan”
2. Chris Evans “Captain Chris”
3. Chris Moyles “The Moyles”
4. Alex “ Big Boy” Lester” “Commander Lester”
5. Sally B “ Commander Sally”
6. Jonny Saunders “The Cabin Boy”
7. Lynn B “ Commander Bowles”
8. The R2 I-con “ The R2 I-con” Exclusive!

2. Deleted Scenes

1. Foxy and the missing Chunky Chocy Hob-nobs- “we know” :
2. Alex checks the R2 I-con for anatomical correctness.
3. The Moyles on a curry night.- eeeeeewwwwwww.
4. Original Ending.

3. Exclusive Pictures of the stars in action.

4. Preview of Rating Wars III. Revenge of the RAJAR.

RockitRon · Joined: 07 Dec 2006 Posts: 7646

Can't find it in my local HMV Crying or Very sad

_________________
Ron

Rachel · Guest

The good thing about these DVD menus is you watch things in any order you like…. This morning – Deleted Scene 2 – the R2 I-con arrives at Commander Lester’s flat…. {Play}

[I-con] Hello Alex

The R2 I-con was stood just inside Commander Lester’s doorway – wet thru and near naked if you don’t count the strappy heels, the thong and T-shirt.

[AL] Oh my god!

[I-con] What?

[AL] you have webbed feet ma’am! Do you know what this means?

[I-con] I swim well?

[AL] When I was a small boy, I was really rude to one of those Gypsy women- you know, the ones selling Heather wrapped in tinfoil, in the street, for a pound a pop. She put a curse on me! She said, “ may your wife have webbed feet, and eat biscuits in bed” Do you eat biscuits in bed ma’am?

[I-con] is that a proposal, Commander Lester?

[AL] no it’s more of a hopeful clarification, ma’am. You’re the first woman I’ve met with webbed feet – so we’re half way there already.

[I-con] We can talk about that later Alex- right now I need some dry clothes.

[AL] I’ve got some leather trousers you might squeeze into ma’am, and some other suitable stuff in my Tuesday-night club box.

[I-con] while I’m getting changed you can fill me in on what’s been going on……….

RockitRon · Joined: 07 Dec 2006 Posts: 7646

Oh, those tight leather trousers!
I don't think he's ever going to get to wear those, is he?

(Meanwhile, the temperature's 32C in our garden, and not much less inside - I'm off to find somewhere cool!)
_________________
Ron

Rachel · Guest

Yeah, I think he will, Ron. Think thin be thin, that's the way. My own leather trousers were too small for me in the shop, but my friend Jenny, and a jolly nice chap in the shop ( Zoom - Camden High Street) managed, after about 45 minutes horizontal on the floor, to get me into them.

I should let you into a little secret- the deleated scenes haven't actually been written yet, and the pictures, well I'm having a nightmare with photoshop at the moment.... Smile

RockitRon · Joined: 07 Dec 2006 Posts: 7646

Guess what... Zoom is no more - it's Ganji - "alternative punk and goth clothing" Wink

http://maps.google.co.uk/maps?hl=en&q=Ganji%20Camden%20High%20St&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=wl
_________________
Ron

Rachel · Guest

Oh

It was such a good shop too. I guess the 20% discount card they gave me may as well go in the recyc now. Sad

Must be 5 years since I was in there. I wonder if I can still get into the trousers.