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TV Soap Murders Dont Wash

 
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mark occomore



Joined: 07 Dec 2006
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 8:26 pm    Post subject: TV Soap Murders Dont Wash Reply with quote

Jim Shelley, in the Mirror:


SOAP MURDERS JUST DON'T WASH
16 January 2007

IT seems there are more killings in Weatherfield, Walford and Emmerdale than Rio and Bogota put together.

There were murderers on the loose in all three soaps last week.

Topshop's answer to Lady MacBeth, Tracy Barlow, joined Richard Hillman, Angela Harris and Alan Bradley in Coronation Street's gallery of murderers.

EastEnders has had more gangland killings than downtown LA while the aptly named Butcher family (Janine, Pat and Frank) are always bumping off their neighbours.

Now they have been joined by Sonia. Once the most ordinary girl in the series, in recent months, Sonia has been behaving like someone working her way through 50 Ways To Become A Bad Girl - experimenting with being a lesbian, becoming an alcoholic, giving her baby away, killing her muvver-in-law. Courtney Love's got nuffink on Sonia.

She used to be such a nice girl too - a nurse and a demon on the trumpet.


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Things started going wrong when Natalie Cassidy had a boob job, thus taking the bizarre decision to make herself even bigger. Sonia now looks like a grumpy Tellytubby.


She floored Appalling Pauline Fowler with a right 'ander that sent her crashing into her crystal fruit bowl. My suspicion is Sonia sat on her to make sure.


This wasn't so much murder as a public service.


The only down side has been the effect it's had on poor Martin.


"Fink then!" he yelled at her, demanding to know 'ow it 'appened. "Fink!"


Red-faced rage and dumb-founded confusion look the same where James Alexandrou's concerned, although as Martin is yet another of the square's murderers, he can hardly claim the moral high ground.


After Martin (somewhat improbably) transformed into Columbo, Sonia decided to turn herself in presumably on the grounds that she wasn't really built for sneaking around the square.


"I luff you more than any fink in the weld," she told her daughter Rebecca.


"More than chocolate?" Rebecca asked.


Judging by the size of her, I doubt whether Sonia loves anything more than chocolate.


In Coronation Street I was a bit disappointed in Tracy, to be honest.


For weeks, she's been plotting and conniving, spinning her wicked web of revenge.


Then in the end, she just whacks him over the head with an improbable ornament, before placing the knife in his hand.


This, as anyone who's ever watched Columbo knows, is always a mistake. It would have been far better - and far more in character - if Tracy had got someone else to do her dirty work for her: Claire for instance. Then we could have got rid of her into the bargain.


Like Chrissie killing Den in East- Enders, the main problem with this storyline was that Tracy's acting and the way she fooled Claire, the police and her family into thinking Charlie was abusing her (ironing her) was so polished it ultimately suggested Tracy was as brilliant an actress as the girl who plays her.


LET'S hope Kate Ford does better than all those actors who thought they were too big for the soaps: Suranne Jones, Richard Fleeshman, Nigel Harman, Martin Kemp...


As for Charlie, he was a great character but if he'd become any more evil he'd have started twiddling a moustache - or perhaps his sideburns - the ones that made him look like Fred West's cousin.


"I hate the way you strut about in your vest," Tracy spat, neglecting to mention the way he drank milk from the bottle and licked his lips between sentences.


Without him and Tracy, the rest of the Street can sleep peacefully - until the next murderer chips up.


Meanwhile, the people in the favelas and ghettos of Rio and Caracas can thank their lucky stars that they don't live in Weatherfield, Walford or Emmerdale.
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gfloyd



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PostPosted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 8:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

If the soaps protrayed real life people would soon switch over. Nothing too exciting about taking the rubbish out or getting the car repaired. Rolling Eyes
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SantaFefan



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PostPosted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 8:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

We'd be watching them watching the tele...
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Cherskiy



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PostPosted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 8:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Isn't it about time a Boeing 747 crashed on Walford? It's about the only plot line they haven't had yet. Rolling Eyes Rolling Eyes Rolling Eyes
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mark occomore



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PostPosted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 8:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Cherskiy wrote:
Isn't it about time a Boeing 747 crashed on Walford? It's about the only plot line they haven't had yet. Rolling Eyes Rolling Eyes Rolling Eyes



Anyone remember the plane crash in emmerdale?
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gfloyd



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PostPosted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 8:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Cherskiy wrote:
Isn't it about time a Boeing 747 crashed on Walford? It's about the only plot line they haven't had yet. Rolling Eyes Rolling Eyes Rolling Eyes
Nobody has woken up only to discover the last 21 years were a bad dream yet have they?
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Cherskiy



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PostPosted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 8:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

mark occomore wrote:
Cherskiy wrote:
Isn't it about time a Boeing 747 crashed on Walford? It's about the only plot line they haven't had yet. Rolling Eyes Rolling Eyes Rolling Eyes



Anyone remember the plane crash in emmerdale?


Yeah, I watched that episode only - the burning wing of an MD-83 going horizontal over the farm at one stage made me laugh....
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Ian Robinson
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 10:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Cherskiy wrote:
Isn't it about time a Boeing 747 crashed on Walford? It's about the only plot line they haven't had yet. Rolling Eyes Rolling Eyes Rolling Eyes


Never mind aeroplanes - they're the only Londoners who don't use the Tube!
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Ella Sailyour



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PostPosted: Mon Jan 22, 2007 9:59 pm    Post subject: Re: TV Soap Murders Dont Wash Reply with quote

mark occomore wrote:
Jim Shelley, in the Mirror:


SOAP MURDERS JUST DON'T WASH
16 January 2007

IT seems there are more killings in Weatherfield, Walford and Emmerdale than Rio and Bogota put together.

There were murderers on the loose in all three soaps last week.

Topshop's answer to Lady MacBeth, Tracy Barlow, joined Richard Hillman, Angela Harris and Alan Bradley in Coronation Street's gallery of murderers.

EastEnders has had more gangland killings than downtown LA while the aptly named Butcher family (Janine, Pat and Frank) are always bumping off their neighbours.

Now they have been joined by Sonia. Once the most ordinary girl in the series, in recent months, Sonia has been behaving like someone working her way through 50 Ways To Become A Bad Girl - experimenting with being a lesbian, becoming an alcoholic, giving her baby away, killing her muvver-in-law. Courtney Love's got nuffink on Sonia.

She used to be such a nice girl too - a nurse and a demon on the trumpet.


Advertisement

Things started going wrong when Natalie Cassidy had a boob job, thus taking the bizarre decision to make herself even bigger. Sonia now looks like a grumpy Tellytubby.


She floored Appalling Pauline Fowler with a right 'ander that sent her crashing into her crystal fruit bowl. My suspicion is Sonia sat on her to make sure.


This wasn't so much murder as a public service.


The only down side has been the effect it's had on poor Martin.


"Fink then!" he yelled at her, demanding to know 'ow it 'appened. "Fink!"


Red-faced rage and dumb-founded confusion look the same where James Alexandrou's concerned, although as Martin is yet another of the square's murderers, he can hardly claim the moral high ground.


After Martin (somewhat improbably) transformed into Columbo, Sonia decided to turn herself in presumably on the grounds that she wasn't really built for sneaking around the square.


"I luff you more than any fink in the weld," she told her daughter Rebecca.


"More than chocolate?" Rebecca asked.


Judging by the size of her, I doubt whether Sonia loves anything more than chocolate.


In Coronation Street I was a bit disappointed in Tracy, to be honest.


For weeks, she's been plotting and conniving, spinning her wicked web of revenge.


Then in the end, she just whacks him over the head with an improbable ornament, before placing the knife in his hand.


This, as anyone who's ever watched Columbo knows, is always a mistake. It would have been far better - and far more in character - if Tracy had got someone else to do her dirty work for her: Claire for instance. Then we could have got rid of her into the bargain.


Like Chrissie killing Den in East- Enders, the main problem with this storyline was that Tracy's acting and the way she fooled Claire, the police and her family into thinking Charlie was abusing her (ironing her) was so polished it ultimately suggested Tracy was as brilliant an actress as the girl who plays her.


LET'S hope Kate Ford does better than all those actors who thought they were too big for the soaps: Suranne Jones, Richard Fleeshman, Nigel Harman, Martin Kemp...


As for Charlie, he was a great character but if he'd become any more evil he'd have started twiddling a moustache - or perhaps his sideburns - the ones that made him look like Fred West's cousin.


"I hate the way you strut about in your vest," Tracy spat, neglecting to mention the way he drank milk from the bottle and licked his lips between sentences.


Without him and Tracy, the rest of the Street can sleep peacefully - until the next murderer chips up.


Meanwhile, the people in the favelas and ghettos of Rio and Caracas can thank their lucky stars that they don't live in Weatherfield, Walford or Emmerdale.


I take it you were bored and with nothing to do when you posted the above, Mark? Rolling Eyes

Ella
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Natasha
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 23, 2007 8:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ian wrote: Never mind aeroplanes - they're the only Londoners who don't use the Tube!

Plus, they're the only people I know without a washing machine and open-plan-living-dining-kitchen area. Those houses are simply begging for a make-over. Very Happy
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Cherskiy



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PostPosted: Tue Jan 23, 2007 8:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Natasha wrote:
Plus, they're the only people I know without a washing machine and open-plan-living-dining-kitchen area. Those houses are simply begging for a make-over. Very Happy


Don't say that in earshot of the BBC programme commissioning numpties, Natasha - they'll have Lawrence Llewellyn-Whats-His-Face signed up to do a series doing just that.... Rolling Eyes Rolling Eyes Rolling Eyes
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